Happy New Year!

Tonight we'll ring in 2010 with a blue moon, the second full moon this month. The New Year’s Eve blue moon will be visible in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America and Africa. A New Year’s Eve blue moon occurs only once every 19 years and won't come again until 2028. Of course the blue moon won’t actually be blue. I didn't bother to take the time to surf the Net to find out why it's called a blue moon, but it has nothing to do with its color and everything to do with something that is rare, special or uncommon.

Femdom marriages are still pretty rare and uncommon. Or so it seems. But they are indeed special. Based on emails I periodically receive, as well as posts on a forum to which I belong, the rarity isn't due to a dearth of wannabe submissive men out there. As the decade winds down, many of them are mustering the courage to suggest this lifestyle to the women they love. Others have but alas have been "shot down". I really don't quite get this, because if two people love each other, what the heck is so wrong with at least trying something your partner suggests? How does one know it won't work or be so horrible without trying? Still other men are actively looking for a dominant woman with whom they might establish the femdom or FLR lifestyle.

GoddessV and I will soon be going out to our favorite restaurant/bar to have some fun with whatever friends who happen to be there. But we'll be back home well before the ball completes its journey over Times Square. One of GoddessV's surprising characteristics is that she doesn't much care if people discover the truth about our lifestyle, yet the thought of being on the road with late-night drunk drivers freaks her out. Image that.

Nonetheless there will be time enough this evening for us to drink a toast to male submission to female authority. We hope that many around the world join us in our toast so that 2010 is a year in which it becomes less a blue moon rarity. GoddessV and I wish each and every reader of our blog a very happy and healthy new year!

Study indicates submissive sexual behavior in women reduces their arousal

Less than satisfactory sex may be brought on by thoughts of submission, which can lower arousal, says a study from the University of Michigan. The study, as published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggests that women, but not men, automatically associate sex with submission. Apparently submissive men were not accounted for, because it further indicates that this connection reduces the quality of the sexual experience.

The research findings show that women implicitly associate sex with submission, which leads to them feeling as though they assume a submissive sexual role. This in turn leads to impaired or lack of arousal due to reduction in their sense of sexual autonomy. Researchers postulate that our current social norms promote deference to men and that magazines, television and movies "commonly display male sexual dominance over women as well as female sexual submission to men.” Duh… do yuh think? Oh, and don't forget the teachings of many religions adding to the mainstream media message.

That women may have unconsciously picked up the message that they should be sexually submissive raises the possibility that women have internalized this societal pressure. Says researcher, Amy Kiefer, "The more women reported engaging in submissive behaviors, the less arousal they reported experiencing from a range of sexual activities.” She further hypothesized, “The problem with submissive behavior seems to be that women don't experience these submissive behaviors as authentic or native expressions of their selves. Submission to their partners’ desires appears to undermine their ability to assert themselves within the sexual context.”

Hmmm, do yuh think it just might undermine their behavior in other ways as well? Furthermore, if the study suggests that women are not natively submissive, does this support the notion that women are inherently dominant?

Embracing change

Many of us aren't especially enamored with change. It pushes us out of our comfort zones: the familiar and predictable, the tried and true, that which is easier to deal with, because we have history there and know what to expect. Some would say that we fear change, but I think it's not so much change itself that we fear. It's the uncertainty of what change may or may not bring into our lives. That amounts to fear of the unknown.

When change is subtle or slow to take effect it seems to cause much less stress on our nervous systems. You squint more and more to read the type on your computer screen until one day, holy crap, you realize you need reading glasses! Well, you kinda knew that was coming, it just took you a while to admit it. So you pick up a pair of readers at the pharmacy and life goes on (with you seeing a lot more clearly). But when change is drastic or abrupt--you wake up one morning and suddenly can't see worth a damn--well that's a horse of a different color. You'd be more likely to try to fix what you perceive to be "a problem", or ignore it in hopes it will clear itself up in time.

When I was in my mid 40s it was a particularly tumultuous time for me. Things were changing in my life that made me feel sad, scared, yet hopeful--all at the same time!
That's when a wise man, a sort of life coach/self-help guru spoke to me. He said the thing about change is, you cannot stop it from happening. Things, places, people, ideas: they all change. Anyone in their 50s knows how we begin to feel aches and pains we never had when we were younger. The man said change is the ONE constant in life that you can always count on. So instead of fearing it, embrace it, go with it, explore it to discover how change can work for you instead of against you. Those aches and pains signal maturity, and maturity brings increased wisdom and insight into issues that either baffled us in youth, or we were oblivious to altogether.

Converting from vanilla to wife-led marriage easily qualifies as a drastic change. Typically the husband secretly harbors his submissive desires, sometimes for many years, and after finally mustering his courage, surprises her with his confession. Duh. Do you think this may be why women initially reject the notion? Especially when you consider how men can be so convincing at maintaining their traditional masculine identity, that the wives hadn't a clue their husbands want to submit to their female authority. Of course one could argue that in many marriages the wife is already in charge, but chooses not to assert her authority overtly. In this regard, "changing" to a wife-led marriage might not represent that much change after all. But we'll save that discussion for another day.

I've gotta confess that had I gone to sleep as your average, vanilla kind of guy then wakened the next morning to find myself in a formal submissive role beneath a dominant woman, I'm not sure what my reaction would have been. You may recall that I am not one of those fellows who knew from the get-go his true calling was to be submissive to a woman. But I'll also admit to experiencing an epiphany, one in which I realized that the notion of femdom, despite causing more than a little trepidation, held more than a little appeal, much more appeal than felt comfortable. I needed to circle around that for a while, consider the pros and cons, explore how such a drastic change might work: for me, for my the women I love, and our for my relationship. You can bet I didn't to end up as someone who regretted what he had wished for.

I had an advantage that most closet submissive husbands share: I could run through all of the ramifications in the safe harbor of my mind, BEFORE I suggested a female-led relationship to GoddessV. Unfortunately, wives don't typically have this luxury. They aren't afforded the opportunity to examine this change in the dynamics of her marriage while remaining in the secrecy and privacy of their own minds. Hubby's femdom suggestion comes winging in from left field unexpectedly. Suddenly the wife is thrust into the harsh light of impending and drastic change. It's no wonder many react by resisting or ignoring hubby's crazy notions it in hopes they will go away. It's also no wonder why many wives caution their husbands that there will be no turning back if they do decided to give the wife-led dynamic a shot.

From whichever perspective one views it, change poses challenges to us all. Nonetheless, since it happens whether we want it or not, we might as well make it work for us if we can. When it comes to a change from traditional vanilla to loving female authority, you never know, it just might save/revitalize your marriage or relationship. It did mine.

Enough is enough?

Too many women have a "problem" with the shape their body is in. Too fat. Boobs too small. Boobs too large. Ass too wide. Belly too paunchy. Arms too flabby. Chin too saggy. The corollary is that men are pretty much responsible for the self-image that many women maintain. One has only to view your average porn video, 95% of which are created by men, to see the proof.

And women's fashion. What I want to know is, who is responsible for creating the clown outfits such as the ones pictured here that were recently presented at a Victoria's Secret fashion show. I would be shocked to learn that a woman had designed them. If so, what the hell were you thinking? Sure, the models are young gals. News flash: young girls grow up to be anorexic, and very unhappy women.

When the hell is someone going to say, "Enough is enough!" I realize that as a society, we are grossly overweight, but give me a break. The majority of women, even healthy, active ones, outgrow size zero sometime in elementary school I would imagine. what is so inherently wrong with being a size 14, 16 or, God forbid, an 18 or beyond. Goddess V says she was born a size 12 and grew from there. Happily, GoddessV's self-image is positive enough that she doesn't care about wearing "womens" sizes.

Sadly, many women are not as fortunate as my wife and as a result perpetually aspire to be less than what they are. Here's another news flash: lots... and LOTS of men actually prefer voluptuous, zoftig women over the more boobless, assless toothpick variety.

Here in femdom land, the Number One perplexing issue has always been: why doesn't every women embrace the notion of being in a wife-led marriage where hubby submits to her loving female authority? Why do so many women go screaming into the night when their husbands suggest this lifestyle? Why do women not embrace it, spread the word and unite to make this lifestyle the norm?

Here's preplexing issue Number Two: why do women continue to allow "society" (I'll say society but we know it's mostly men) to dictate the shape women's bodies should take, and to design the clothing they think women should wear? Why do women not say, "You can kiss what you may think is my fat ass if you expect I'm gonna wear a stupid looking clown outfit that you think is flattering and sheik."

Okay, maybe this makes sense after all

There have been several celebrity women over the years who for one reason or another, captivated me the moment I first saw them. There was Jane Seymour as Solitaire opposite James Bond; Meg Ryan in her supporting role in Top Gun; Jane Fonda as hooker, Bree Daniels, in Klute; perspiring, husky-voiced Kathleen Turner in Body Heat. Meredith Baxter in the short-lived TV sitcom, Bridget Loves Bernie, is another. I'd be less than truthful if I said I hadn't fantasized about her more than once in my younger years.

Today, at the age of 62, after being married three times and having given birth to five children, Meredith announced on NBC’s Today television program that she is a lesbian. Wow. How is it that a woman in her mid fifties can suddenly discover she is gay? According to Meredith in her interview with Matt Lauer, her’s has not been a case of life-long denial trying to be something she is not. Rather, it was only seven years ago that she discovered the truth about her sexuality. Her reaction was, “Okay [deep breath], maybe certain things in my life make sense after all. It wasn’t just that I was a bad picker of husbands.”

Despite never seeing that one coming, I’ve gotta say that I still think Meredith is all that—and a bag of chips. In some respects her admission, or discovery, or whatever one wishes to call it, can be an inspiration for some of we men who live (or want to live) a wife-led, femdom lifestyle. I myself cruised all the way to age 50 before discovering the truth about my sexuality. There’d been no legacy of surpressed feelings, or unfilled desire to be dominated by a woman. I'd been merrily plugging along, content in the notion that a male's rightful position is on top.

Yet once I met the right woman, perhaps similar to how it happened when Meredith met her partner, Nancy, the truth surfaced. Suddenly there was male chastity, and spankings, and strap-ons, and panties, and all manner of oh-my-God femdom trappings. It was as Meredith said: certain things in my past began to make sense. There was an undeniable rightness to it and I thought, “Okay, [deep breath] this must be why I’ve always experienced a nagging feeling that something was missing in my marriage.” Watching the video of Meredith’s TV interview, I couldn't help but feel admiration for her desire to get it out in the open. I remember the relief I felt once I had been up front with Goddess V about what was happening in my head.

I felt a certain kinship as well, partly because I have a daughter who came out as a lesbian about two years ago. So maybe I am more accepting of homosexuality than others. Maybe it's in my genes to be more accepting of various less-than-vanilla lifestyles. I love my little girl and as long as she is happy, that’s what matters most to me. After all, in the end, isn't that what matters most? I can identify with Baxter on a sexuality level, at least to a certain degree. No, it's not a direct parallel, but I can appreciate how it feels to experience having an unexpected inner truth surface to turn your sexuality on its ear. And I can relate to how she may have initially struggled with her revelation. Do I push it away or do I go with it, test it, see if it’s real?

For me, it became clear, early on that it was neither dalliance nor fantasy. My need for loving female authority was quite real. Thank the stars, Goddess V embraced what to her was also a new role. If anything, my desire to submit to her loving authority, domination and discipline grows with time. As it appears to be for Meredith Baxter’s lesbianism, the discovery of my submissive nature is one of the best and most fulfilling things that’s ever happened. Like her, I am so very thankful I took that initial deep breath and said “okay.”

Giving thanks

Not that we will all fall to our knees in thanks, but the Thanksgiving holiday in America is a time for most of us to pause from our daily routines to reasses what we have in our lives to be thankful for. I, for one, have much to be thankful for. I am reasonably healthy and so are those whom I love and care about. I have a good job, a comfortable place to call home and a nice car that gets me where I need to go. I don't have all that I want, but I do have all that I need. For this I am thankful.

Most of all, I am thankful for the love of Goddess V, my amazing, sexy wife who means the world to me. She is far and away the best friend I have ever had. So many men who aspire to have a similar wife-led marriage have told me what a fortunate man I am to have such a relationship. I do believe it. I do believe it's true. THANK YOU!

A post from a reader

A gentleman by the name of Ken posted this comment on the Wordpress version of this blog. He posted this in response to Goddess V's "Empowerment" post, dated August of 2007. (At one time I had planned to move this blog to Wordpress, hence the duplication, but then I decided to stay with blogger simply because it seemed easier to use. I no longer update Wordpress and ended with a message pointing readers to this URL.)

I don't necessarily agree with everything Ken says in his post, but as a man who obviously appreciates the wisdom of wife-led marriage and loving female authority, I though his well-articulated message deserved to be reproduced here. I found it interesting that many Christians interpret Biblical teachings as calling for men to rule the household. Yet Ken, also a Christian, finds just the opposite.

When I was a teenager I accidentally came upon a book called “The Natural Superiority of Women” in our local library. At the time, I didn’t believe it could possibly be true, but I thought it a little strange that there was no such book teaching MALE superiority! I decided it must be because most everyone already knows that MEN are superior! However, as a 69 year old married man I have over the years become convinced that Women are, indeed, superior to men.
Here is why:

1) Women are more independent.
This first evidence I’m giving of female superiority I think is a powerful one. It has been my observation that men seem to NEED Women more than Women need men. And consequently if a man loses his wife (or romantic interest) he is much more inclined to be depressed for more lengthy periods than a Woman would be. In such situations men are even more apt to go berserk, killing themselves and others. And when living without the opposite sex, men have a greater tendency to become mentally and/or emotionally unbalanced, self-centered and/or overly aggressive. Truly, “It is not good for a man to be alone.” And it seems to be worse for a man than a Woman.

2) Women have the greatest role in life.
They are the life givers. And the act of bringing another human being into the world is, arguably, the greatest accomplishment of all human endeavors, far surpassing the work of scientists, inventors, political leaders, and even prophets and Bible teachers. For nearly all of their work will ultimately be destroyed, but the labor of women in giving birth has eternal consequences. Women even have the most prominent part in nurturing and training these newborns. On the other hand, man’s role in reproduction is extremely small in comparison to Woman’s. And it is man–not Woman–who is almost solely responsible for the destruction of life.

3) Women tend to be more dominant.
One sees this not only in ancient biblical characters such as Adam, Samson and Solomon, but even to this day: “”Psychological tests reveal that more than half of the wives tested are more dominant that their husbands. It is not uncommon to discover in such tests that a wife will score in the eighties or nineties on dominance, while the husband’s score may be in the twenties or thirties” (from “The art of Understanding Your Mate,” by Cecil Osborne). As the Christian authoress, P. B. Wilson wrote, “So it is–with few exceptions–that women want to control and men want to relax.”

4) Women have superior qualities.
Which sex is the most loving, nurturing and gentle? We all know it’s the female sex, Woman. Her greatest quality is her superior love, love that is often unconditional–and the greatest quality of our Creator as well (I John 4:8,16). We also know that it is primarily the males who fill up society’s jails and prisons. In other words, a Woman, generally speaking, is a more godly creature.

5) The order of Creation proves a Woman to be superior.
If you read the biblical account in Genesis, then you see a steady progression, how God created first all manner of sea life and flying creatures. The next day He created all manner of beasts and insects. And the following day He created the first man…THEN God created Woman, His last and greatest creation.

6) The biblical chain of authority proves Women are superior.
For the best translation of I Corinthians 11:10 reads that a Woman “ought to have authority OVER her head,” meaning over her husband. And with this authority She, not her husband, is to “rule the household” (I Timothy 5:14, original Greek). In the original Greek, a man is never delegated to rule the home, only to take the lead in teaching the Word of God. And as if to emphasize a Woman’s authority in the home, God has repeatedly indicated in the Scriptures that wives are to discipline their husbands!

……………….

So as a Christian man, I obey my wife because she is superior to me and because God commands me to submit to her. Furthermore, I obey her because I know from experience that I cannot be truly happy or fulfilled without being in total submission.

On veterans male and female

Today we remember the many millions of veterans of our Armed Forces, both male and female, especially those who gave their lives as a result of their service in both peacetime and wartime. THANK YOU!

It's interesting in the above illustration that only one woman is shown, when actually, many, many women have served in the United States Armed Forces. During wartime, particularly WWII, women were often shown in illustrations used in poster promotions. Many such posters urged women to "hold down the fort" so to speak, or to take over jobs vacated by men who were overseas fighting, or to conserve food and other supplies so that more could be allocated for our troops. Considering the times, some treated women with a reasonable degree of respect.



Some however border on being downright demeaning. Consider this poster for example.



This one pretty much says, "Wow, the wings you riveted onto those airplanes you help build didn't fall of in combat after all." I especially like what I'm sure is an unintentional look on the woman's face that seems to respond, "Amazing isn't it. Now how about you choke on that sandwich then go shit in your hat."

And then there is this WWII poster aimed I assume mostly at our solders, sailors and flyboys when on R & R.



Picking up females for sex was thought of as taking chances with a loaded gun? Righto: VD is not victory, that's for sure. Damn those treacherous and unclean women for luring unsuspecting, war-worn soldiers into sticking their willies into infected but oh-so-inviting coochies.



This WWII magazine ad shows the miracle drug saving lives on the battle field, which it most certainly did. But one wonders how many GI's were also dosed after reporting for period short-arm inspections. And thanks to penicillin he'll come home with a penis that won't give you syph or the clap. (Geez, in the face of today's threat of HIV, a case of VD seems almost welcome does it not?)

L'Origine du monde

Origin of the World, painted by French artist Gustave Courbet in 1866, is one of my favorite paintings. Reproductions of this work, as well as many of Courbet's less explicit nudes, along with portraits, landscapes and still lifes are readily available. I've seen many of them on display in framing shops and art shops, but never a print of this particular painting, undoubtedly due to the erotic realism of this work. I can imagine were the framing shop in our local mall to display this in their store front, mall management, and likely the local authorities, would regard that as a definite problem.

I have to admit I would probably be uncomfortable hanging this painting in my living room. Assuming Grandgoddess V would allow it, which she assuredly would NOT, I can envision our grandsons pointing and giggling at the painting every time they visit. Nope, that wouldn't work. Isn't it interesting that Courbet's depiction of the origin of all woman/mankind is largely regarded as being unfit to openly display, despite being fine art. But not in France of course, where they tend to be more laissez faire about such matters. The original 18" x 22" oil on canvas painting currently resides in Musée de Orsay in Paris.

What say you: Fine art or pornography?

Change: a new look

Many of us are not big fans of change. It means getting comfortable with, or at least accepting something new in our lives. And whether it's for better or worse is usually a matter of perspective. But the thing about change is it's the one constant in life that you can always depend on. There will always be change.

This is the third year for this blog. Most of that time I've used the same format. Since I began posting again, I've been thinking about changing the look. No good reason I guess, just boredom. I was tired of looking at.

So here it is. I'm still making a few changes to the template code, but since I'm not a whiz at html, it's slow going.

Want some boobs... I mean fries with that?

I was reading something the other day that amazed the hell out of me. It was an article that mention how Ray Kroc, the man who ran McDonald’s from 1954 until the early 1980s, had established a policy that prohibited women from being McDonald’s employees. That policy remained in force until finally being rescinded in 1968, but only on the condition that the women hired should be, in Ray's words, “kind of flat-chested.”

The inference there I suppose is that big boobs would distract patrons at the restaurants. After all, the fries and burgers were supposed to be the main attractions, not a busty clerk across the counter. I guess in that respect one has to admire Kroc's single-minded determination. Maybe I lack the unwavering determination needed to be super successful, but being a boob man myself, Kroc's thinking seems rather extreme.

Speaking of super, isn't it interesting how somewhere along the line Mickey D's discovered the benefits of "super-sizing" their offerings. Burgers, fries, soft drinks. Boobs too maybe?

And isn't it interesting when you consider how a company like McDonald's could discriminate against women because they have breasts, then reluctantly hire them only if they have small ones. Flash forward a few decades to a company such as Hooters that gets sued over a policy that is completely opposite: the bigger the boobs the better.

I wonder, was the Hooters lawsuit filed on behalf of busty women who felt they were being treated as sex objects, or small-busted women who felt they were being discriminated against. What a world.

Time to make the donuts... and kick ass

The Internet is bursting with useless and often erroneous information. One link leads to another and another then another, and before you know it, there it is in front of you. You may not be all that interested, but nonetheless, for some reason, maybe simply because it’s there, you find yourself reading. I read some useless information today. I read it primarily because it struck a chord with something that happened to me about six years ago. Otherwise, it mostly qualifies for the useless information bucket, unless you happen to be considering investing money in Krispy Kreme.

This really is a post about wife-led marriage, female-led relationships and FemDom. Sometimes it takes me a while to get where I’m going, so yes, there is more to this post than donuts. :)

It was an article about why/how Krispy Kreme went from being a southern-based hugely popular chain of donut shops to a nationwide company full of more holes than the tens of thousands of donuts they sell each day. That equates to stock going from $49.00/share to less than a buck… and that equates to mighty piss poor executive management (IMHO). All of this despite having an affordable product that people are willing to wait in line for.

The article mentioned how during the company’s zenith in the late 1990s, a new KK franchise opened in Manhattan and people waited in long lines every time the hot donuts sign went in the window. I know the line thing to be true because when a KK store with a drive-thru opened near us, you would have thought they were passing out glazed, chocolate frosted and jelly filled five dollar bills. I think all the local Dunkin Donuts shops closed down and their owners went back to India for a few weeks. Local police were needed for several weeks to control traffic jams until the new-donuts-in-town curiosity wore off.

As for me? Uh-huh, I waited for nearly an hour in that line. I did it one time, and I might add that I bitched incessantly to my wife the entire time how idiotic we were for wasting the gasoline and the time. Sure I can put away donuts with the best of them, especially KK donuts cause they are small. But excuse me? All this hubbub just to buy a box of warm fucking donuts? It reminded me of the long lines in which I had waited back in the 1970s. I’d had no choice then, but this? This was a clear case of donut delirium.

BTW if you picked up on my wife reference in that last paragraph, you’ve picked up on the reason for this post. You see, at that time, I was feeling free to bitch about waiting over an hour for donuts. At that time, the woman beside me in the car was “just my wife.” I had not yet learned to elevate her to the rank of Goddess. Actually, we had not yet married. We were probably sitting in her convertible, the one with a purple “Worship Me as the Goddess I Am” bumper sticker.

If I have my chronology straight, it was about that time that Goddess V had just about enough of me and was planning to kick my ass to the curb. Get my drift, gents? If you read the first post on this blog (linked above), you know how I resented the inference behind that purple bumper sticker. That was a time when some people thought they could make a lot of money by investing in Krispy Kreme; and a time when a foolish 40-something year old man thought a woman had a helluva nerve expecting to be treated as a Goddess. My, how much there was for many of us to learn.

Speaking of "the good feeling"

I'm often surprised and amazed at how little some of us (men) really know about sex, especially when it comes to to the mechanics of ejaculation. Oh, we know what feels good, and we know we like it.. A LOT... but for many, that's about as far as it goes. I've read many posts in forums written by men who ask what I consider to be surprising questions or make comments based on what I know to be erroneous or misinterpreted information. So for the record, here are a few facts about the male's favorite toy:

1. An erection is NOT necessary to experience an orgasm or an ejaculation, either separately or in conjunction with one another. Really, I am here to assure you that this is true.

2. An orgasm can be experienced without having an ejaculation. Ask a man who has had his prostate removed due to cancer (the prostate is what produces the seminal fluid).

3. Prostate massage (the practice of milking that is often referred to among chastity aficionados) can produce a slow release of seminal fluid that will drain down and out of the penis. The release is slow and not to be confused with an ejaculation.


4. Prostate massage does not normally product an orgasm, however some men who use prostate stimulators such as the Aneros, say they can experience a "hands-off" orgasm with no direct stimulation of the penis. I'm thinking I need to get me one of these bad boys... just out of curiosity mind you... but I'm not sure it will meet Goddess V's stamp of approval if it means getting the good feeling too often.

5. Stimulation of the penis of some sort, though sometimes minimal, is normally necessary to produce an orgasm.

6. Mental "excitement" or stimulation is not an absolute necessity to product an orgasm.

7. A prolonged period of chastity is likely to produce a nocturnal emission, which is an event that cannot be consciously controlled by the male. A submissive man recently wrote that he is forbidden by his wife to have a wet dream even though she enforces extended periods of chastity. This seems a little unrealistic to me.

8. Neither physical nor mental stimulation is necessary to produce an erection: an erection can be produced chemically through the use of drugs. The oral drugs such as Viagra are not capable of producing an erection without sexual stimulation. Drugs such as alprostadil is injected directly into the penis, will cause an erection that can remain for several hours without any sexual stimulation whatsoever. Male porn stars who seem to be appear to go on, and on, and on have been known to use similar concoctions.

9. Prolonged physical and/or mental stimulation can cause the release of semen in preparation for discharge via ejaculation; if ejaculation does not follow (as in tease and denial) it can cause a painful condition of the groin or testicles commonly known as "blue balls." Some of this semen or seminal fluid is often later spontaneously released during urination.

10. There is no conclusive medical proof that insufficient draining of seminal fluid from the prostate is likely to cause prostate ill-health.

11. A vasectomy does NOT affect a man's ability to orgasm or ejaculate in any way. It simply eliminates sperm from traveling from the testicles where they are produced, through the Vas Deferens, to mix with seminal fluid before being ejaculated from the body. A vasectomy does not lower the sex drive, shrink the testicles, or cause man-boobs to grow (too much beer does that).

As for why some men are "shooters" when they ejaculate, and some are "dribblers" I have no idea. I do know that the state of arousal seems to affect ejaculatory force. I have also noticed that since I was catheterized while in the hospital, I no longer ejaculate with much force. But oh, "the good feeling" remains delightfully unaffected!

The quantity also seems to have been affected and I have read that this can be caused when some of the seminal fluid leaves the prostate and goes the wrong way in the urethra, traveling up into the bladder rather than down into the penis. Supposedly there is a mechanism, some sort of sphincter or other, that is intended to prevent this under normal circumstances, which makes sense. But it could be that for some, the introduction of a catheter tube can adversely affect this.

How long HAS it been?

There was a time when if you asked me how long it had been since I last had sex with my wife, I could tell you. Most guys could: maybe not down to the hours, but surely within days. If you asked how long it had been since I'd practiced good ole reliable self-service, I probably would have denied doing it altogether. In my mind however I could have zeroed in pretty close to the number of hours it had been.

The underlying inference here is on frequency. More is better. If you're dating, the more babes you screw, the better. If you're married, the fewer times wifey cops a headache plea and gives it up, the better, right? And whether or not a guy admits to regular masturbation, most men are never too much further than 24 hours away from the good feeling—one way or another.

Female authority in a wife-led marriage puts a totally new spin on this hallmark of maledom. Oh yes, the good feeling is very much still the good feeling. Mother Nature saw to that one. But more is, well, not so necessarily better. In a world where men have traditionally felt good about themselves based on regularity of sex, submissive men are seeming to feel good about.... NOT having sex.

What is up with all these counting timers I am noticing lately on blogs written by submissive men? "It's been 3 weeks, 4 days, 22 hours and 43 minutes since my last orgasm." Okay, so the dominant woman in your life has made you go that long, but do we really need to know how long a time has elapsed since she last allowed you to ejaculate? I am wondering if, when you come right down to it (no pun intended), the longer a submissive man goes without sexual release, the better he feels about himself. Does this carry over into how he feels about himself as a man, or is it limited to how he sees himself as a submissive husband? Or, is it basically a function of wanting to please his dominant partner?

Speaking of feeling good about one's self... or not. I just walked a couple of miles for exercise, which made me feel real good about myself. But now I am pissing myself off by sitting her having a cup of coffee and eating double stuff Oreo cookies. Damnit.

It's been
24 hours and 18 minutes
since I last ate a double stuff Oreo cookie! LOL

Who says submissive men live in fear?

I read a post on another blog to which I take umbrage. Speaking of submissive men, himself included, the blogger wrote: "Our patriarchal societal construct is unforgiving to those men who dare challenge the masculine archetype and as such, we must constantly live in fear of being perceived as weak or dysfunctional when our own true desire is to support, encourage and empower women as the leading domestic relationship partners."

First off, I am indeed a submissive man to the extent that I enjoy being dominated by the woman I love and who loves me in return. For the most part, I think women are better suited to lead a marriage. At least in our case, this is true. Goddess V has proved it to me on many occasion. Toward that end, I encourage her and have empowered her to make all decisions in our marriage if she so chooses. I often am given the opportunity to voice my opinion, but in the end, I am content to abide by whatever decision she makes.

Having said that, let me make it abundantly clear that I am not deliberately challenging the masculine archetype of a patriarchal society, nor have I adopted a belief that women unilaterally are superior to men simply due to their gender. I have simply learned to act in a manner within my marriage that feels right and that works for us. More importantly, I do not constantly live in fear of being perceived as weak or dysfunctional, by either my wife or by anyone else.

We do not go out of our way to flaunt our FLR or FemDom lifestyle, or crusade for it in any way. Most of our friends and relatives might not know that I submit to Goddess V in a D/s context, but they would surely describe me as being more attentive a husband than most, one who "defers" to his wife with regularity. I might also add that with a few friends, Goddess V has outed me to a point on the scale that is much further on the submission side than it is deference side.

And I experience no fear. None.

This is because I know that as a person or a man, I am neither weak nor dysfunctional. I hate to think that other submissive men out there might feel this way. Whether you are still a submissive wannabe or whether you have confessed your desires to your wife or partner, DO NOT allow yourself... or anyone else... to make you feel weak, inadequate or dysfunctional-IN ANY WAY. We men who have come to terms with our submissive nature understand that, in fact, we are better husbands or partners than most of those masculine archetypes.

Any thoughts from other submissive men? Of course comments by dominant women are always welcome.

Strong Women Part II

The tomb was discovered in 1903 by archaeologist, Howard Carter, who later would go on to discover King Tut’s tomb. Called KV20 because it was the 20th discovered in the Valley of the Kings (scientists are so unimaginative when it comes to naming their discoveries), the tomb opened at the end of a narrow, curving tunnel that had been chiseled some 700 feet downward into the rock. But when Carter made his way to the entrance of the burial chamber, he found whatever treasurers the tomb might have contained had long ago been looted. And the royal sarcophagus was empty. The mummified body of Hatshepsut was gone.

Hatshepsut reigned as king from about 1479 to 1458 B.C. during the golden age of Egypt's 18th dynasty. When her husband, Thutmose II, passed into the afterlife, leaving her stepson, Thutmose III (he had been born to Hapshepsut's husband by a lesser wife) to rule the land, Hatshepsut assumed a role as pharaoh’s queen because the new king was simply too young to rule. This was not without precedence when young heirs ascended to the throne, but what was unusual is what transpired sooner after.

Hatshepsut maintained appearances for a while, but eventually she could not resist throwing off the guise of governess to assume the absolute power of a full-blown king. She guided Egypt through a period of prosperity and peace, and following suit of pharaohs before and after her, she commissioned hundreds of monuments in her honor. She reigned openly as king, and as such did something no other female before or after dared to do. She adopted all the accouterments of male rule. As a result, many of her monuments depicted her as being male rather than female.

Obviously Hatshepsut possessed the necessary ambition and drive to seize power and maintain it. She was indeed a dominant woman. It’s interesting however, that apparently she came to feel it necessary to assume a masculine persona. Was this necessary to gain acceptance from the people she ruled? What a shame it would be if dominant women in today’s FemDom and wife-led marriages felt this way--and acted and dressed like men in order to gain acceptance in a traditionally patriarchal society.

(I wonder though, if I think about it, is strapping on a dildo all that far removed from Hatshepsut’s actions of old?)

After Hatshepsut's death, Thutmose III ascended as king and set about erasing all record of his stepmother’s reign. He commanded that all the images of her as king be systematically chiseled off temples, monuments, and obelisks. Happily, an obelisk honoring Hatshepsut, and amazingly sculpted from a single block of granite, still soars one hundred feet above the ruins of Karnak. It is the tallest such monument in Egypt.

What of Hatshepsut herself? Her mummy, along side that of her wet nurse, was found in nearby tomb KV60. She had been discovered years before but never identified, known only as mummy KV60a. Apparently ancient priests moved had her mummy to a lesser tomb to thwart attempts to desecrate her remains. Happenstance led to discovery of a wooden box with Hatshepsut’s name on it. And inside that box was a single tooth. When investigators completed MRIs of a number of female mummies, it was discovered that a space left by a missing tooth in the lower jaw of mummy KV60a, perfectly matched up with the tooth from the box. Though the proof is not iron-clad, most are convinced that Hatshepsut had been found. Nearly 3,500 years after her death, her mummy has assumed its rightful place alongside the most royal of rulers of ancient Egypt.

Some of Hatshepsut’s expressions inscribed on her obelisk at Karnak still resonate private worries of a dominant, yet sometimes insecure female king: "Now my heart turns this way and that, as I think what the people will say. Those who see my monuments in years to come, and who shall speak of what I have done." See could never have forseen the likes of yours truly, writing... or the likes of you, reading about what an amazing woman she must have been.

Strong Women Part I

I don't agree with all of Sarah Palin's politics, in fact lately, I have adopted little more than disdain for politicians in general. But having said that, I can't help but admire Sarah Palin for being a strong, self-assured leader without sacrificing her female sexuality.

I recently read how when asked about the difficulties of balancing her political career with her home life, Palin responded with: “I have a husband. I could have used a wife.”

In talking with women friends about Palin, I am surprised at how many do not like her for various reasons, the least of which often seems to be her politics. But be that as it may, whether one is Palin fan or foe, the point to me is how radically the climate has changed in my 50+ years on Earth regarding roles of the sexes. Forty or so years ago, unless your name was Jackie Kennedy, a woman would never have received such notoriety and attention in the mainstream media. And then, she would be relegated to following in the shadow of a man.

Can you imagine the likes of Jackie Kennedy, or perhaps Eleanor Roosevelt saying they could use a wife instead of a husband? Look out guys, times surely are changing.

A Good Number?

One is the loneliest number if you’re Three Dog Night. Twelve makes an even dozen… awww, throw in another one for good measure. Sixteen ounces sounds about right for a pound. Same goes for a pint, except of course we’re dealing with different kind of ounces. And TEN, well, ten is a good number of orgasms to have in a year---or so says one of the readers of this blog.

This begs the question:
How many orgasms should a submissive man be allowed to experience in a year’s time?

You won’t get far into discussions about female-led relationships without learning that probably the premiere FLR dynamic is Orgasm Management. In a nutshell, the lady controls her man’s sexual release. She decides when and often even how he has an orgasm. Essentially, the thinking is that a man’s level of attentiveness to a woman is directly proportional to his level of horniness. In conjunction, the level of a man's horniness is directly proportional to the amount of time that has elapsed since his last orgasm.The hornier he is, the more attentive he becomes as a way of earning her permission to have an orgasm.

Alas, as many a woman will attest, once he experiences a Big-O, he regresses into a lazy, remote control hogging couch potato (or thereabouts) that he was before adopting this lifestyle. As a collerary to the orgasm management dynamic in a wife-led marriage, hubby pledges not to pleasure himself, especially to the point of ejaculation. Essentially, hubby remains chaste. There is a running debate in this lifestyle regarding how to ensure the male’s chastity. Some say the honor system should be sufficient if the husband seriously wishes to submit to his wife. Others prefer to rely on a chastity device to provide that extra incentive to help hubby over those times of temptation that invariably pop up from time to time.

A member of the She Makes the Rules forum, who shares a FLR with his wife of 25 years, recently wrote, “…chastity gradually brought us closer together and led to some unexpected results that were very positive. One result was that I absolutely love being locked in my chastity with [my wife] being my key holder.”

So far, it would seem that his orgasm management is more about him than her, but he goes on to say, “I enjoy the concept of her having total control over when and if I am allowed to be released from the device. So far the longest stretch I have remained locked in it has been 5 weeks. The time I remain locked leads me to make other improvements within myself to cater to her in other ways as well. I've been spending more time doing more around the house, and I also have more concern over what she needs both mentally and physically.”

This gentleman is not alone in his thinking. Most submissive men, if being honest, will admit they want a woman to control their sexuality. And the more control a woman exerts, especially if she teases and denies, the more a man wants it—which means the more attentive he will be to her. In the vernacular of the day, that makes for a win/win situation for both wife and husband.

But back to that original question:

How many orgasms should a submissive man reasonably be permitted to enjoy during the course of an average year?

The gift of autonomy in a wife-led marriage

I said this early on when I started this blog, but it bears repeating. There is no set of rules or guidelines for a wife-led marriage or FemDom marriage. This dynamic, lifestyle, or however one cares to refers to it, can include or exclude anything the husband and wife decide on.

Ummm, I take that back. Gentlemen, your wife-led marriage, your FemDom relationship should include whatever your wife decides to include. No more. No less. Sorry, guys, by definition, that’s the way a female-led relationship shakes out. There's a very popular FLR forum called She Makes the Rules. The female moderators who own and run that show chose the SMTR name for a darn good reason. In a wife-led marriage, or any female-led relationship, the female gets to make the rules... ALL OF THE RULES.

This infers that the wife controls and is responsible for everything in the relationship. Not so. What it really means is that she has autonomy, and autonomy is something entirely different from control. When a man gives his woman the gift of autonomy, it allows her to be truly free from control, specifically, as this relates to influence from him. He forfeits the right to get pissy when he suggests,“Honey, you should probably wear stilettos, and maybe some leather.”——and she responds with, "I don't think so!" When a woman wears autonomy in her relationship, it allows her the freedom to assign her own interpretation of what’s significant and what’s not, with the end result focused not on those stilettos and leather that hubby wants, but rather, on shaping the relationship into one that is more rewarding, more enjoyable and more personally fulfilling for her.

Sounds simple, right? It isn't. Largely this is due to preconceived notions on what male submission to loving female authority and dominance is all about. Apart from the kink aspects that seems to be automatically associated with the FemDom lifestyle, people pretty much think of dominant women as nasty bitches and of submissive men as wimpy doormats. Is it any wonder the typical woman resists adopting this lifestyle? I could be old-fashioned, but in my opinion, women do not generally want to be see as being nasty bitches (although Goddess V will tell you that is oft times what they are). I read somewhere something written by a dominant woman who said that women want control, they just don’t want to be seen as wanting it. Maybe so, I don’t know. But I do know that women do not want a wimpy doormat for a husband or partner.

Making matters worse, inept communicators as they often are, men have difficulty explaining the true nature of the vision as we see it. Because it truly does include so much more than stilettos and leather. I’ll go out on a limb and say: If men were as proficient and courageous as women at communicating their deepest, inner most feelings, the vast majority of relationships would be female-led to the extent that the women would overtly and shamelessly dominant their men.

FemDom by any other name

I got to thinking it might be a good idea to restate what may (or may not) seem to some to be the obvious. Quite a few terms are bandied about when it comes to this particular mindset or lifestyle. Below I've listed some of the ones I’ve seen, and I’m sure there are more. In my mind, they all pretty much mean the same thing: the male submits to the authority of a dominant female. Our blog is about this dynamic taking place in a marriage; thus, I would fine tune it by saying “male submission to a loving, dominant female”

Unfortunately all marriages do not necessarily include the L-word. Ours however includes lots of it, so that descriptor works for us quite well. For me, the love element, more so than any other aspect of this lifestyle, is most important. There are some men for whom the need to be dominated by a woman is so strong, that if for one reason or another this need is not satisfied by the wife, they will seek it outside the marriage. I’m not one of those guys.

• Female Authority
• Loving Female Authority
• Caring Female Authority
  
• FemDom
• Female Domination
• Female-Led Relationship
• Wife-Led Relationship
• Wife-Led Marriage

I suspect the term people shy away from more than any other is the term FemDom, which is shorthand for female domination. Undoubtedly this is because it conjures up images of a leather-clad, whip-wielding dominatrix doing all sorts of humiliating things to her male submissive. The nasty D-word is the culprit. By definition, the word is threatening. If you take the word out of the equation, things begin to take on a decidedly less threatening shade of blue… or is that black/blue. In fact, since women seem to have a way of ending up controlling most marriages, descriptors such as “Female-Led Relationship” begin to sound downright mainstream.

My advice is not to get too hung up on the terms themselves. Goddess V does not dress up in leather and whip me senseless until I’m reduced to a quivering mass of humiliated pond scum. Yet I have no problem referring to our relationship as one that is FemDom based. After all, Goddess V is a female and she does assume a dominant role to which I submit. Bingo. Whatever else our relationship may or may not include, the term FemDom is perfectly appropriate.

Whoa, who knew...

… it would be an entire year between posts on this blog. Actually, after several months had passed without posting, I began to pretty much assume I would let this blog fade into oblivion. I simply didn’t feel as though I had much of anything worthwhile to impart. You know how it goes, you find yourself repeating things you had said in the past, almost like a senior citizen recounts ad nauseam events that happened 40 years ago. THAT can get old real fast.

The other day I went through my bookmarked blogs and was surprised (but not really) to find that half of them had been deleted. Hell, even Emily and Ken at AHF are having a tough go of it keeping their monthly Q/A letters current. Never fear though, over at Yes, I’m a Submissive Man, John is still posting prolifically (and still longing to be collared and Queened—no offense, John).

Then I logged in here on our blog and truly WAS surprised. We still average nearly 190 unique visitors per day. If I can believe StatCounter, just this week there have been 1,400 unique visitors and 1,200 first-time visitors. And to date this year, there have been over 70,000 page loads. Holy crap! Seems there are a great many more people interested in this lifestyle than one might initially guess.

Goddess V and I discussed this and she “suggested” that I continue to post. That was easy for her to say since I’m the one who must make it so. Never mind that I’m both the writer and the submissive in our relationship. Of course it makes even more sense when I consider the original intent for maintaining this blog was mainly to encourage and legitimize interest in Female-Led Relationships, Loving Female Authority and FemDom in general.

So considering the continued interest in this lifestyle, I’ll attempt to pick up where I left off over one year ago. I’ll share some of the challenges we face in keeping our FemDom relationship alive in the face of real life, because life insists on intervening, not just on ya’ll but on Goddess V and me as well. I’ll also share thoughts on some new directions we are considering, as well as how and why we are increasingly less concerned with how others may see us and more intent on living a lifestyle that works for us.