The gift of autonomy in a wife-led marriage

|

I said this early on when I started this blog, but it bears repeating. There is no set of rules or guidelines for a wife-led marriage or FemDom marriage. This dynamic, lifestyle, or however one cares to refers to it, can include or exclude anything the husband and wife decide on.

Ummm, I take that back. Gentlemen, your wife-led marriage, your FemDom relationship should include whatever your wife decides to include. No more. No less. Sorry, guys, by definition, that’s the way a female-led relationship shakes out. There's a very popular FLR forum called She Makes the Rules. The female moderators who own and run that show chose the SMTR name for a darn good reason. In a wife-led marriage, or any female-led relationship, the female gets to make the rules... ALL OF THE RULES.

This infers that the wife controls and is responsible for everything in the relationship. Not so. What it really means is that she has autonomy, and autonomy is something entirely different from control. When a man gives his woman the gift of autonomy, it allows her to be truly free from control, specifically, as this relates to influence from him. He forfeits the right to get pissy when he suggests,“Honey, you should probably wear stilettos, and maybe some leather.”——and she responds with, "I don't think so!" When a woman wears autonomy in her relationship, it allows her the freedom to assign her own interpretation of what’s significant and what’s not, with the end result focused not on those stilettos and leather that hubby wants, but rather, on shaping the relationship into one that is more rewarding, more enjoyable and more personally fulfilling for her.

Sounds simple, right? It isn't. Largely this is due to preconceived notions on what male submission to loving female authority and dominance is all about. Apart from the kink aspects that seems to be automatically associated with the FemDom lifestyle, people pretty much think of dominant women as nasty bitches and of submissive men as wimpy doormats. Is it any wonder the typical woman resists adopting this lifestyle? I could be old-fashioned, but in my opinion, women do not generally want to be see as being nasty bitches (although Goddess V will tell you that is oft times what they are). I read somewhere something written by a dominant woman who said that women want control, they just don’t want to be seen as wanting it. Maybe so, I don’t know. But I do know that women do not want a wimpy doormat for a husband or partner.

Making matters worse, inept communicators as they often are, men have difficulty explaining the true nature of the vision as we see it. Because it truly does include so much more than stilettos and leather. I’ll go out on a limb and say: If men were as proficient and courageous as women at communicating their deepest, inner most feelings, the vast majority of relationships would be female-led to the extent that the women would overtly and shamelessly dominant their men.

9 comments:

subservient-husband said...

I am pretty early on into a WLM (seven months). I do know though, the D/s aspect can take many forms. Just to name a few, Bedroom submissive, 24/7 submissive, mistress/slave, acknowledged superiority, houseboy, ect.... there are others.

Anyway, IMHO, with entrance of woman en-mass into the professional ranks of society, the patriarchal norms are waning and WLM is becoming more common, accepted, and sought after. As such, the antiquated view of dominatrix is becoming passé. Instead a remaking of the marriage norm where equality is replaced with a comfortable female superiority dynamic is more and more bubbling to the surface from shear inertia from the societal shift. For me, the dynamic change has brought contentment.

Anonymous said...

Ther is a saying we live by in our WLR. "A horny husband is a good husband" Keep your husband in a chastity device, and make him wait at least 4 weeks for any relief, even longer the better. I make my husband/slave wait 2 months, and since he is not allowed to complain or ask (if he does he gets 2 more weeks) he is so great to me. Of course I get my oral sex, I'm not the slave, he is!!!!

Anonymous said...

I sent in a lenghty post, sent it a short one as a test to see if you are receiving them .HE WORSHIPS ME Thanks

Anonymous said...

My husband is the one who suggested we try a complete WLR, which was easy since I was the dominant one in our marriage. But I made it clear that I want a 70% husband and 30% slave. I read one of the post on this blog where the wife took back her cheating husband but made it clear to him that he was going to be her complete slave from that point on. She had him crawl around and made him sleep in a kennel in an empty room in HER house. Well, I think she was still not giving him enough of what he deserved!! But I want my husband to want a WLR and treat me as such. I want to be wined and dined, and watch him do all of the housework while I read or watch tv. I can't force this on him. HE wants it this way. I'm not going to give him 20 lashes with my whip because he doesn't want to pamper me or do all of the housework. But if he does a poor job or ignores me ever then he will get 20 lashes while he is tied up for 2 hours. But I will wear a sexy bra and panty set to make him drool while I am punishing him, just so we can keep it somewhat fun. Keep your husband a husband /slave , not a slave/husband. There is a big difference, your WLR will be much better that way.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above post, your husband has to want to be your slave, this can't be forced. So ladies, keep reading this great blog, as well as Worshipping Your Wife. They will give you ideas on how to convert him. My hubby was easy, I was always the dominant one, so our relationship grew from there. Now he is my husband/slave, he could't be happier, he does everything for me, can't please me enough, and actually likes to take me shopping. I keep him VERY horny, not allowing too many releases in a year. The magic number is 10 ladies, 10 or under for the year. And he is not allowed to ask or whine about it, otherwise he loses his next one, so never a complaint. So space out 10 , or even less throughout the year, and don't worry about him, he'll do just fine. And you, you'll do FABULOUS!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more about keeping your husband very horny. He is kept that way and as a result he treats me like a queen. I don't do housework any more, he gives me massages on demand, and will take me out shopping or anywhere I want to go when I tell him that's what we are doing. He must ask my permission to watch sports on tv, and depending on his housework being done properly and his attitude, I may say yes or no. If I do say no, there is no begging or whining allowed, that's final and he knows it. He is also, like the husband in the other post, not allowed to ask to cum, or complain about being too horny. That' the idea I've told him, you're supposed to be. It's my decision and never his. We are very much in love, and everything, including punishments, are MUTUAL. Life can't get any better for me!!! We are in our early 50's, both of us are in great phsical shape (I am an aerobics instructor with a pretty good body), so I make sure that he does a daily conditioning session. But he is also a runner so he enjoys it. To make it fun at home I will wear only tight spandex pants and little tops for our exercise sessions together. I don't know if he is sweating from the workout or by watching me do my bends and leg raises, especially knowing he is not getting any for weeks. Make it fun, enjoy eachother, keep close, and you'll have a great WLR also.

Anonymous said...

But what do you do if your wife's a pain in the arse? My wife and I lead a clearly femdom lifestyle which tends to be based in the bedroom for the most part. But there's a conflict in everyday life because we're both quite headstrong and we argue a lot. I recognise that I'm more attentive when I get horny and I could see this being a useful tool to develop. Except the missus is such a hothead and, unfortunately, is often wrong! It doesn't matter how much I think I should knuckle under because of the femdom ideology, I just can't accept being on the receiving end of grumpy impenetrable nonsense. To the extent that I think we should give up.

Oh Well...

Anonymous said...

To the writer of the above post, your wife is never wrong, she only has a different oponion than you. It seems to me that she is letting you cum way too often. If she is dominant in the bedroom, she should be carrying that into everyday life. If you fight with her, more weeks should be added to your length of wait time. There is no room for a headstrong husband in a FLR. Submit to her, massage her, offer to give her oral sex at night, and then tell her that to show your devotion to her that you do not want to cum until she feels your attitude has changed. That should put both of you on the right path. My husband has to wait at least one month, my guess is your wife is not making you wait as long. Or if she is, then two months would be better for you.

BOB said...

GREAT POST!Thank you for emphasising that it's about what the wife wants and not about the husbands fantasies.