Happy New Year!


Tonight we'll ring in 2010 with a blue moon, the second full moon this month. The New Year’s Eve blue moon will be visible in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America and Africa. A New Year’s Eve blue moon occurs only once every 19 years and won't come again until 2028. Of course the blue moon won’t actually be blue. I didn't bother to take the time to surf the Net to find out why it's called a blue moon, but it has nothing to do with its color and everything to do with something that is rare, special or uncommon.

Femdom marriages are still pretty rare and uncommon. Or so it seems. But they are indeed special. Based on emails I periodically receive, as well as posts on a forum to which I belong, the rarity isn't due to a dearth of wannabe submissive men out there. As the decade winds down, many of them are mustering the courage to suggest this lifestyle to the women they love. Others have but alas have been "shot down". I really don't quite get this, because if two people love each other, what the heck is so wrong with at least trying something your partner suggests? How does one know it won't work or be so horrible without trying? Still other men are actively looking for a dominant woman with whom they might establish the femdom or FLR lifestyle.

GoddessV and I will soon be going out to our favorite restaurant/bar to have some fun with whatever friends who happen to be there. But we'll be back home well before the ball completes its journey over Times Square. One of GoddessV's surprising characteristics is that she doesn't much care if people discover the truth about our lifestyle, yet the thought of being on the road with late-night drunk drivers freaks her out. Image that.

Nonetheless there will be time enough this evening for us to drink a toast to male submission to female authority. We hope that many around the world join us in our toast so that 2010 is a year in which it becomes less a blue moon rarity. GoddessV and I wish each and every reader of our blog a very happy and healthy new year!

Study indicates submissive sexual behavior in women reduces their arousal


Less than satisfactory sex may be brought on by thoughts of submission, which can lower arousal, says a study from the University of Michigan. The study, as published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggests that women, but not men, automatically associate sex with submission. Apparently submissive men were not accounted for, because it further indicates that this connection reduces the quality of the sexual experience.

The research findings show that women implicitly associate sex with submission, which leads to them feeling as though they assume a submissive sexual role. This in turn leads to impaired or lack of arousal due to reduction in their sense of sexual autonomy. Researchers postulate that our current social norms promote deference to men and that magazines, television and movies "commonly display male sexual dominance over women as well as female sexual submission to men.” Duh… do yuh think? Oh, and don't forget the teachings of many religions adding to the mainstream media message.

That women may have unconsciously picked up the message that they should be sexually submissive raises the possibility that women have internalized this societal pressure. Says researcher, Amy Kiefer, "The more women reported engaging in submissive behaviors, the less arousal they reported experiencing from a range of sexual activities.” She further hypothesized, “The problem with submissive behavior seems to be that women don't experience these submissive behaviors as authentic or native expressions of their selves. Submission to their partners’ desires appears to undermine their ability to assert themselves within the sexual context.”

Hmmm, do yuh think it just might undermine their behavior in other ways as well? Furthermore, if the study suggests that women are not natively submissive, does this support the notion that women are inherently dominant?

Embracing change


Many of us aren't especially enamored with change. It pushes us out of our comfort zones: the familiar and predictable, the tried and true, that which is easier to deal with, because we have history there and know what to expect. Some would say that we fear change, but I think it's not so much change itself that we fear. It's the uncertainty of what change may or may not bring into our lives. That amounts to fear of the unknown.

When change is subtle or slow to take effect it seems to cause much less stress on our nervous systems. You squint more and more to read the type on your computer screen until one day, holy crap, you realize you need reading glasses! Well, you kinda knew that was coming, it just took you a while to admit it. So you pick up a pair of readers at the pharmacy and life goes on (with you seeing a lot more clearly). But when change is drastic or abrupt--you wake up one morning and suddenly can't see worth a damn--well that's a horse of a different color. You'd be more likely to try to fix what you perceive to be "a problem", or ignore it in hopes it will clear itself up in time.

When I was in my mid 40s it was a particularly tumultuous time for me. Things were changing in my life that made me feel sad, scared, yet hopeful--all at the same time!
That's when a wise man, a sort of life coach/self-help guru spoke to me. He said the thing about change is, you cannot stop it from happening. Things, places, people, ideas: they all change. Anyone in their 50s knows how we begin to feel aches and pains we never had when we were younger. The man said change is the ONE constant in life that you can always count on. So instead of fearing it, embrace it, go with it, explore it to discover how change can work for you instead of against you. Those aches and pains signal maturity, and maturity brings increased wisdom and insight into issues that either baffled us in youth, or we were oblivious to altogether.

Converting from vanilla to wife-led marriage easily qualifies as a drastic change. Typically the husband secretly harbors his submissive desires, sometimes for many years, and after finally mustering his courage, surprises her with his confession. Duh. Do you think this may be why women initially reject the notion? Especially when you consider how men can be so convincing at maintaining their traditional masculine identity, that the wives hadn't a clue their husbands want to submit to their female authority. Of course one could argue that in many marriages the wife is already in charge, but chooses not to assert her authority overtly. In this regard, "changing" to a wife-led marriage might not represent that much change after all. But we'll save that discussion for another day.

I've gotta confess that had I gone to sleep as your average, vanilla kind of guy then wakened the next morning to find myself in a formal submissive role beneath a dominant woman, I'm not sure what my reaction would have been. You may recall that I am not one of those fellows who knew from the get-go his true calling was to be submissive to a woman. But I'll also admit to experiencing an epiphany, one in which I realized that the notion of femdom, despite causing more than a little trepidation, held more than a little appeal, much more appeal than felt comfortable. I needed to circle around that for a while, consider the pros and cons, explore how such a drastic change might work: for me, for my the women I love, and our for my relationship. You can bet I didn't to end up as someone who regretted what he had wished for.

I had an advantage that most closet submissive husbands share: I could run through all of the ramifications in the safe harbor of my mind, BEFORE I suggested a female-led relationship to GoddessV. Unfortunately, wives don't typically have this luxury. They aren't afforded the opportunity to examine this change in the dynamics of her marriage while remaining in the secrecy and privacy of their own minds. Hubby's femdom suggestion comes winging in from left field unexpectedly. Suddenly the wife is thrust into the harsh light of impending and drastic change. It's no wonder many react by resisting or ignoring hubby's crazy notions it in hopes they will go away. It's also no wonder why many wives caution their husbands that there will be no turning back if they do decided to give the wife-led dynamic a shot.

From whichever perspective one views it, change poses challenges to us all. Nonetheless, since it happens whether we want it or not, we might as well make it work for us if we can. When it comes to a change from traditional vanilla to loving female authority, you never know, it just might save/revitalize your marriage or relationship. It did mine.

Enough is enough?


Too many women have a "problem" with the shape their body is in. Too fat. Boobs too small. Boobs too large. Ass too wide. Belly too paunchy. Arms too flabby. Chin too saggy. The corollary is that men are pretty much responsible for the self-image that many women maintain. One has only to view your average porn video, 95% of which are created by men, to see the proof.

And women's fashion. What I want to know is, who is responsible for creating the clown outfits such as the ones pictured here that were recently presented at a Victoria's Secret fashion show. I would be shocked to learn that a woman had designed them. If so, what the hell were you thinking? Sure, the models are young gals. News flash: young girls grow up to be anorexic, and very unhappy women.

When the hell is someone going to say, "Enough is enough!" I realize that as a society, we are grossly overweight, but give me a break. The majority of women, even healthy, active ones, outgrow size zero sometime in elementary school I would imagine. what is so inherently wrong with being a size 14, 16 or, God forbid, an 18 or beyond. Goddess V says she was born a size 12 and grew from there. Happily, GoddessV's self-image is positive enough that she doesn't care about wearing "womens" sizes.

Sadly, many women are not as fortunate as my wife and as a result perpetually aspire to be less than what they are. Here's another news flash: lots... and LOTS of men actually prefer voluptuous, zoftig women over the more boobless, assless toothpick variety.

Here in femdom land, the Number One perplexing issue has always been: why doesn't every women embrace the notion of being in a wife-led marriage where hubby submits to her loving female authority? Why do so many women go screaming into the night when their husbands suggest this lifestyle? Why do women not embrace it, spread the word and unite to make this lifestyle the norm?

Here's preplexing issue Number Two: why do women continue to allow "society" (I'll say society but we know it's mostly men) to dictate the shape women's bodies should take, and to design the clothing they think women should wear? Why do women not say, "You can kiss what you may think is my fat ass if you expect I'm gonna wear a stupid looking clown outfit that you think is flattering and sheik."

Okay, maybe this makes sense after all


There have been several celebrity women over the years who for one reason or another, captivated me the moment I first saw them. There was Jane Seymour as Solitaire opposite James Bond; Meg Ryan in her supporting role in Top Gun; Jane Fonda as hooker, Bree Daniels, in Klute; perspiring, husky-voiced Kathleen Turner in Body Heat. Meredith Baxter in the short-lived TV sitcom, Bridget Loves Bernie, is another. I'd be less than truthful if I said I hadn't fantasized about her more than once in my younger years.

Today, at the age of 62, after being married three times and having given birth to five children, Meredith announced on NBC’s Today television program that she is a lesbian. Wow. How is it that a woman in her mid fifties can suddenly discover she is gay? According to Meredith in her interview with Matt Lauer, her’s has not been a case of life-long denial trying to be something she is not. Rather, it was only seven years ago that she discovered the truth about her sexuality. Her reaction was, “Okay [deep breath], maybe certain things in my life make sense after all. It wasn’t just that I was a bad picker of husbands.”

Despite never seeing that one coming, I’ve gotta say that I still think Meredith is all that—and a bag of chips. In some respects her admission, or discovery, or whatever one wishes to call it, can be an inspiration for some of we men who live (or want to live) a wife-led, femdom lifestyle. I myself cruised all the way to age 50 before discovering the truth about my sexuality. There’d been no legacy of surpressed feelings, or unfilled desire to be dominated by a woman. I'd been merrily plugging along, content in the notion that a male's rightful position is on top.

Yet once I met the right woman, perhaps similar to how it happened when Meredith met her partner, Nancy, the truth surfaced. Suddenly there was male chastity, and spankings, and strap-ons, and panties, and all manner of oh-my-God femdom trappings. It was as Meredith said: certain things in my past began to make sense. There was an undeniable rightness to it and I thought, “Okay, [deep breath] this must be why I’ve always experienced a nagging feeling that something was missing in my marriage.” Watching the video of Meredith’s TV interview, I couldn't help but feel admiration for her desire to get it out in the open. I remember the relief I felt once I had been up front with Goddess V about what was happening in my head.

I felt a certain kinship as well, partly because I have a daughter who came out as a lesbian about two years ago. So maybe I am more accepting of homosexuality than others. Maybe it's in my genes to be more accepting of various less-than-vanilla lifestyles. I love my little girl and as long as she is happy, that’s what matters most to me. After all, in the end, isn't that what matters most? I can identify with Baxter on a sexuality level, at least to a certain degree. No, it's not a direct parallel, but I can appreciate how it feels to experience having an unexpected inner truth surface to turn your sexuality on its ear. And I can relate to how she may have initially struggled with her revelation. Do I push it away or do I go with it, test it, see if it’s real?

For me, it became clear, early on that it was neither dalliance nor fantasy. My need for loving female authority was quite real. Thank the stars, Goddess V embraced what to her was also a new role. If anything, my desire to submit to her loving authority, domination and discipline grows with time. As it appears to be for Meredith Baxter’s lesbianism, the discovery of my submissive nature is one of the best and most fulfilling things that’s ever happened. Like her, I am so very thankful I took that initial deep breath and said “okay.”