Whatever shape she's in


I’m one of those misguided souls who finds voluptuous female figures to be every bit as attractive as those of the Victoria Secret models one sees on television. I happen to like soft, round curves and find them infinitely more feminine than protruding ribs and hip bones. Where is it written that Rubenesque woman can’t look and feel sexy? I’m not saying that uncontrolled obesity is a good thing, that women (and men) shouldn’t try to stay in reasonably decent shape through diet and exercise. However, I think women need to throw off the beauty formula that’s been foisted on them largely by men and become more comfortable in their bodies… whatever shapes in which they happen to be. I suspect this will happen as women continue to become more dominant. When you think about it, the shape of her body has little to do with the power a woman can wield over a male and everything to do with her sexuality.

I went to the woods...


…because I wished to live deliberately. So wrote Henry David Thoreau in his book, “Walden”, about simplifying his life. I doubt I fully understood what he meant as I first read his words in high school, but I certainly understand them now. All things in life are relative. Certainly there were worldly pressures in Thoreau’s day and age (1817-1862) that compelled him to retreat to the woods to live in a one-room cabin he built for $28.12. I’m not na├»ve enough to think I can escape reality by following Thoreau into the wilderness, but I often wish for a less stressful world that is not spinning so rapidly it sometimes feels as if I get dizzy the moment my feet touch the floor in the morning.

After I met my second wife and as our relationship gained momentum, I purchased a book entitled “What Your Mother Never Told You and Your Father Didn’t Know”. I wanted to learn things I apparently hadn’t known in my first marriage and did not wish to repeat the second time around. Alas, the book was so long and detailed so many intricacies of effective male/female relationships that seemed so complicated that I couldn’t remember what I had read from one chapter to another much less implement and maintain them. So I read another book, then another and another. In between I listened to tapes too.

Go to a large book store, or click on Amazon and you’ll see A LOT of self-help material out there about dating, and finding a mate, and being romantic, and improving marriage, and great sex, and greater sex, and “wall socket sex”, and how to light his fire, and how to light her fire, and how to perform cunnilingus, and how to perform fellatio and so on and so on. That’s when it dawned on me there is a huge proliferation of this material because there must be an equally huge market for it. And this of course means there must be scores of people out there who are looking to “fix” relationship woes.

This is not to say that my time spent reading self-help books was wasted. Some I truly enjoyed, and many included useful information I believe would benefit anyone as a person, whether dominant, submissive or vanilla. While none of them even remotely eluded to female authority, I think in my case, they set the stage for what was yet to come. Robert Louis Stevenson wrote, “All speech is but a dead language until it finds the ear of a prepared and willing listener.” When I eventually read about the principles of and the rationale calling for FemDom and wife-led marriage, my mind was at a place where I thought, “Now THIS makes sense!”

Though I hadn’t consciously harbored submissive feelings, one aspect of FemDom that appealed to me was how it offered an opportunity to live more deliberately, to simplify my life so to speak. The rules were decidedly uncomplicated. Simply because my wife is a female, she is superior. Simply because I am her husband, I am her sub ordinate. Interpretation is unnecessary and there is no room for ambiguity. There is a Thoreauvian quality in the simplicity of boundaries that are black and white, with gray areas only as the more compassionate and nurturing of the genders allows. Having considered the substantial evidence suggesting this is actually as nature intended and can lead to a better quality of life, I accepted this as a natural law. Now I need only trust in the wisdom of nature, and focus on allowing nature to run it’s course by submitting to the authority of my wife as my Goddess. In a world in which complexity seems to increase exponentially, I find comfort and serenity in this simplicity.

I am one lucky man

My Goddess wife will be primping in the car on the way to a social gathering, turn to look at me and say, “Damn, you’re a lucky man!” In fact she tells me this nearly every day. And you know what? I am indeed. I’ve been reading other blog entries and comments from Dommes and submissives lamenting how they cannot find a meaningful long-term relationship that is mutually fulfilling on FemDom as well as more traditional and vanilla levels. It makes me even more appreciative of my good fortune to have found such a wonderful woman to share my life. That she is a Goddess and embraces male submission to female authority is icing on the cake.

Why is it that so many single people seem to be endlessly searching for that "perfect" mate? Why is it that so many married people are unhappy, living without passion, fantasizing about having a relationship that is different from the one they have? Sometimes I think it’s because people have foolish and unrealistic expectations about what will make them happy. Others have no idea whatsoever what will make them happy. Still others may know, or think they know, but haven’t the courage to pursue it. Add in the fact that so often we are less than honest with ourselves and those around us. Hmmm… I wonder.

Any comments from anyone?

What happened to the other 364?

My Goddess made a remark yesterday that Valentine’s Day was only for true romantics. I thought about that and said I disagreed. I think Vday is just the opposite. I think Vday is for people who are NOT romantic. True romantics understand there are 365 days in a year, and we don’t need marketers of flowers and cards and jewelry to tell us that on ONE of those days, we need to buy their wares to pay homage to our loved ones. I think a lot of people know this on some level, but we’ve been conditioned to be otherwise.

My Goddess and I often meet for dinner once a week after work at a local bar and grill. I usually bring her a single rose and sometimes a bouquet of flowers. I’ve done this for years by the way, long before we entered into a FemDom relationship. About three weeks ago I was getting out of my car in the parking as two older women were getting into theirs that was parked beside me. When she saw the bouquet of flowers in my hand, one of the ladies said, “Oh, YOU must be in the doghouse.” I laughed and said, “Quite the contrary. I bring these to stay OUT of the doghouse.” The other woman then said to her friend, “Smart man.”

It’s a rare night that I don’t draw at least one comment from someone when I walk into the establishment holding flowers. Usually it’s about being in the doghouse, or kissing up, or being pussy-whipped, or even that I’m setting a bad example for other men. I chalk it up to conditioning, and it’s a shame when you think about it: most people don’t consider that a man could simply enjoy making the woman he loves feel special.


When I was an adolescent we called it “Popping a boner.” I popped a boner when I saw petty pants peeking below the hem of a pretty girl’s skirt (petty pants were all the rage in those days). I popped a boner just thinking about all those petty pants beneath the skirts of all those girls in Junior High. I popped a boner over how my hot, seventh grade English teacher’s breasts caused her blouses to gap at the buttons. I even popped a boner in woodshop while sweeping up saw dust and imagining what the nipples on those fine breasts might look like.

Today I am blessed to have a beautiful woman in my life who is my wife and Goddess. She often wears thongs, which are so much sexier than petty pants on a giggling teenager. So do I pop a boner when I see the back of her thong showing above the waistband of her jeans? She rarely wears a garment that buttons in the front because invariably her large breasts cause it to gap across the front. Do I pop a boner when I see that? How about when I think about her soft, voluptuous… umm, by now you’re probably getting the idea that no, I don’t pop a boner. Surely my Goddess deserves it, and God knows I really really WANT to, but these days, the words pop and boner are mutually exclusive. Coax a boner is more like it.

It’s a psychological reality that male sexual performance declines with age, to the point where many middle-aged men would rather face a double bogey on the 18th hole than risk not sinking a “hole-in-one” in the bedroom. Thanks to ubiquitous ads for Viagra, Cialis and Levitra, erectile dysfunction has become almost fashionable. They’ve helped scores of men to identify with one another on a base, more human level, which seems to be something that comes naturally among women, but not men. And the drugs themselves have helped many a man emerge from the humiliating shadow of not being able to rise to the occasion and given him an opportunity to “feel like a man” again. I know this from first-hand experience.

But as Shakespeare once said, “Therein lies the rub.” Pharmaceuticals can certainly be a good thing, but in this case, I sometimes wonder if it’s all good. The advertising messages for impotency drugs seem to promote traditional if not macho thinking that the way a real man brings a smile to a woman’s face is by screwing her ever-lovin’ brains out. So I wonder why more isn’t being written about this in FemDom literature. It seems to me that entire chapters should be dedicated to how waning male sexual performance and ED dovetail perfectly with FemDom philosophy. I see it as one of the most compelling arguments for adopting a FemDom lifestyle within a marriage, particularly among middle-age couples.


I received an email from a gentleman who wrote: “…knew I was submissive in the first years of our marriage but was always to afraid to say it. With raising children and other interests it went into the background but always seemed to creep back into my mind. But I never thought about going to a pro. Now we have an empty nest and my craving to submit is stronger than ever… Last year my wife was telling me about a book she was reading that had a dominant woman in it. I thought good, maybe this was my opportunity so started asking questions, mostly about that character without sounding to interested. I thought if maybe she would say the character appealed to her, I could take things further and suggest she try it. But she didn’t seem to interested so I lost my nerve and let it drop. Later I read the book and it turned out the woman was to nasty and not at all the way my wife would be even if she did dominant me... I read what you said in your blogg and alot of it makes sense to me. I was wondering how you approached your wife with this because you never really said.”

In answer to that question: I did some homework by visiting and reading all of the sites listed here, and then some. I also ordered Elise Sutton’s book from Amazon and read it cover to cover in two nights that I was out of town. I have to say that it both intrigued AND scared the bejesus out of me. Most of all, I was amazed at the insight this woman displays into the male psyche. I don’t know how anyone with even half an open mind, male or female, could read her book and not find something that rings true. I can understand why many MSWs pale at the thought of their wives being introduced to FemDom by way of this book because Sutton discusses all the practices that FemDom may include. Still, she qualifies herself again and again by saying that a woman can make it anything she desires.

About the time I obtained Sutton’s book, I printed a few pages from aroundherfinger and showed them to my wife. That initiated a very general discussion, not specifically about FemDom, but about wives being in authority. I also bought and read “Venus on Top”, then gave that to my wife as well. She never bothered to read much of it, though we did talk about some of the principles outlined in the book. She said she already KNEW this stuff, that a woman SHOULD be treated as a Goddess and that any man who didn’t should be kicked to the curb. She also smiled at me and said, “And you haven’t been on top when we screw in what, 5 maybe 6 years?” Oddly enough, she recommended and gave the book to a lady friend of hers who is in a bad marriage.

I let things sit for several months, but we did discuss various aspects of female authority on numerous occasions. Little by little I think we were both a bit less guarded in acknowledging that she was the more dominant and I the more submissive in our relationship. During that three or four-month period however, I came very close to trashing Sutton’s book, which I had safely stashed in the trunk of my car. In fact at one point I was standing with the book in my hand, at a trashcan outside a convenience store. Call it second-guessing. Or perhaps fear of the unknown: what life would truly be like if my wife became even half the Domme that Elise Sutton was. Needless to say I didn't pitch the book, mostly because despite my trepidation, I seemed to sense that this was the direction that my marriage was meant to take.

Soon after that day I sent my wife an email at work and asked her this question: do you believe that for the most part, women are superior to men? I was at least 80% sure I already knew the answer. Moments later her response came back. 'Yes'. A few days later I gave her Sutton’s book, along with printed pages from websites. Some she read, some she didn’t. She scanned Sutton’s book, but as nearly as I could tell, she didn’t touch it again for two months or so. I don’t know that she ever visited any of the websites. But we did talk at least once a week about how we both agreed with many of the principles of a female superiority and authority. Just about six months after I first gave her Sutton’s book, we verbally agreed to pursue this lifestyle.



Yesterday morning on my way to work I discovered a
card that my Goddess had slipped into my bag. This in
itself was not unusual. During our years together
we’ve easily spent hundreds of dollars on greeting
cards for each other. Some might consider that a waste
of money perpetrated by the greeting card industry.
Not so for us. We tend to give cards when the mood
strikes, rather than on “obligatory” occasions. This
particular card, though mood-driven, was still a
milestone of sorts.

On the outside of the envelop my wife had penned the
word ‘servant’ in front of my name. I could not recall
her ever before addressing me this way. It stuck a
chord in my psyche that was certainly pleasing, yet
surprising enough to cause me to pause to think a few
moments before opening the envelop. The front of the
card showed blurred faces of a man and woman smiling.
Nothing too surprising there. But the verse, although
typical Hallmark fare for appeal to the masses, was
appropriate in a way I’m sure the writer had not
intended. It spoke of how it was so fortunate that the
two of us were at the right place to meet, at just the
right time in our lives to fall in love. It spoke of
how we perfectly compliment one another in our life
together and gave thanks for me being the one person
who makes her life complete.

I would have smiled at reading the card regardless,
but considering the card had been addressed to me,
servant, and how my wife had signed it, ‘Your
Goddess,’ the meaning went much deeper. Indeed it was
fortunate we had met and fallen in love in midlife, at
a time when so many others are searching, but even
more so that it happened at a time when we both
acknowledged a need to fulfill our love for one
another in a non-traditional way. In a way the card
from a wife/Goddess to her husband/servant represents
loving female authority personified, a heart-felt love
letter suspended between the two opposing poles of
FemDom. It’s a pity more couples have yet to
experience this. There’d soon be a ‘Female Authority’
section in every card store, right beside

(Hmmm, bet it would be fun to write the verse for some
of those cards.)