Why Do We Do It!

Ever notice a degree of animosity that seems to lurk just below the surface between men and women? Maybe it’s disdain. Maybe intolerance. Maybe disapproval. Maybe distrust. Or maybe it’s all of these things.

Get a group of women together and often there’s a good deal of man bashing going on. I walked into our lunch room today to grab my third (or maybe it was my fourth) cup of coffee. A small group of older ladies were chatting over lunch about their husbands, both former and present. What comments I heard were light-hearted enough, but they weren’t what I would call complimentary. All of the men in question suffered from short-comings, as least from the female perspective, attributable to their belonging to the male gender. Same old same old.

Get a group of men together. After they finish discussing the breasts, or the ass, or the legs of the woman who just walked out, talk turns to… well perhaps it turns to the breasts, ass or legs of the woman who just walked in… then it turns to how unreasonable and illogical woman are, and down right nearly intolerable they are. One guy might recount how, “If they didn’t have a pussy, they wouldn’t even make a good friend.” Same old same old.

Yet most of us wanted to get married. Not to someone of the same sex, but to the opposite sex. Hmmm. And many of us remain married. Most of those who don’t usually get remarried. Some repeat that cycle again and again. Okay, men being the poor bastards that we are, who think with our little heads, can blame it on our desire to get laid. That means we apparently must forget how wives suffer from lock-jaw and frequent headaches. But what’s the story on women? Ask any middle age woman who owns a vibrator: she sure as hell doesn’t need a man to take care of business in that department.

So why do we do it? Really, why do we do it? And don’t give me a line about companionship. One can get that from a best friend or a dog, or even an alter ego. Yes, I know nature intended it this way to ensure procreation of the species, but since when do humans follow all the laws of nature, especially now that we’ve gotten smart enough to decide Pluto is not a planet.

I didn’t know why we do it, or rather, why I did it. Until I made a conscious decision to do something that, quite frankly, I was reluctant to do: submit to the leadership, guidance and control of a woman.

A Lifestyle Trend or Fantasy


Yesterday I happened to leaf through an issue of Life & Style, a weekly woman’s magazine that Goddess V enjoys. There, across the gutter from an advertorial about T-Mobile’s forthcoming Sidekick 3 Do-Everything-But-Make-Breakfast-Phone, was a full page ad that had rather stylized silhouette artwork of a stiletto knee-high boot, complete with a whip in the background that was kinda wrapped around the boot. Surrounding the artwork was plenty of white space. Inside the boot in reverse type it read: My frizz is so wild even a dominatrix couldn’t tame it. It was done in green ink of all colors. Turns out, if you read way down at the bottom, it’s an ad for Sunsilk De-Frizz 24/7 Creme/Conditioner/Gel with aloe-E.

Now what do you suppose is going on here? Frizzy hair… dominatrix… oh yeah, I can make that connection instantly. In the advertising world, this is called a borrowed interest ad, but it seems to me there is a lot more going on here than borrowed interest. Do you think the copywriter on this as was a male with a submission fantasy? I’m guessing, yeah.
But regardless of who is creating it, for those of us paying attention, it seems we are seeing more and more of this kind of thing right out there in plain view.

A magazine ad like this one is a good bit more blatant than a New York Times article about how young women are out performing young men in our universities, don’t ya think? And it gets me to wondering. Consumer advertising involves spending big bucks. This particular full-page insertion for example costs $52,000, plus another $23,430 for the accompanying 1/3-page ad appearing across the gutter (which is small potatoes compared to some consumer vehicles with much larger circulations). So ad agencies and their clients typically do surveys, test marketing and focus groups before deciding on critical issues such as brand positioning, pricing, ad themes and so forth. I wonder if Lever Brothers, the manufacturers of Sunsilk products, has statistics to support such an approach.

According to Bauer Publishing, “Life & Style features the latest Hollywood fashion, beauty, and lifestyle trends merged with celebrity news and shopping. The goal: to celebrate and showcase celebrity lifestyle and help readers incorporate the trends into their own lives with timely and engaging shopping features.
Demographics are:
Readership: 91% female, 9% male
Median Age: 30
Median HH Income: $66,985
Paid Circ: 600,000
Total Audience: 2,100,000

So someone ‘splain this to me, will ya! Does someone know something definitive about a lifestyle trend among 30-something women… and their husbands?

As an interesting aside to this, the website created to promote SunSilk products is hosted by three blatantly gay young men (à la Queer Eye for a Straight Guy) who give advice to women not only on hair care, but also on how to keep your mother from interfering in your life, how to tell your best GF to keep her meat hooks off of your man and the like. Interesting. Especially considering how many of the women I know have said they love gay men. We recently met a guy who, when he told us straight away that he was gay, Goddess V said, “Oh how cool. Will you be my friend? I’ve always wanted a good male friend who’s gay.”

You see there? It’s now almost cool to be openly gay. Maybe it’ll soon to be cool to be openly dominant or submissive.



I think I mentioned a while back that I joined a newly formed Yahoo discussion group called Venus On Top that was initiated by Barbara Wright Abernathy, author of the book by the same title. The purpose of the group is to promote “VOT relationships,” which is to say, Female Led Relationships. The moderators, who are all dominant women, and who, were they in public relations would be called spin doctors, refer to this lifestyle as being “vanilla with a twist,” which is to say, “Oh hell yeah, we ‘twist,’ but we don’t want to get into any specifics that might scare away anyone who might be considering this lifestyle.” So they edit and even reject member posts in an effort to maintain what Goddess Barbara envisions as a more mainstream (read: more marketable) approach. As time goes on however, one can see that the moderators seem to be struggling within their VOT-VWAT framework.

All a noble effort—I guess, if it helps promote Female Led Relationships. Personally, for real, unexpurgated and HONEST talk about FLRs (read: FemDom, as in female domination, because we are really talking about relationships in which the female dominates the male on all levels), I much prefer reading what Elise Sutton has to say. Quite frankly, this woman scares me at times with some of what she writes, but I’ll tell you, this woman has it all going on. Again and again she demonstrates remarkable insight into how men think. I don’t agree with everything she says but that’s one of the cool things about her. She says again and again that one needn’t buy into all she professes. In her book and on her website she repeatedly says that FemDom is a big tent that covers many different expressions of sexuality and female domination of the male sex. She doesn’t endorse all of them, but simply represents them for what they are. The choice is left to the reader.

I like choices because I believe I am capable of selecting what works for me and what does not. I’m capable of giving something a try if I’m not sure one way or the other. Later I discover I’ve chosen incorrectly, I’m also capable of choosing differently next time around. Some choices I can make instantly. Yes! I’ll have a pizza—because I love pizza, even cold for breakfast. Some choices may take deliberation. Definitely no anchovies, too salty, but mushrooms, sausage, pepperoni, onions, hmmm, lemme think a sec. Some choices are more difficult to make than others. Should I spend money on a soft shell crab for dinner? It looks disgusting and yet people I trust assure me it tastes great. Wouldn’t it be a shame to miss out simply because I was afraid to try it once. Only one way to know for sure.

I dislike being controlled and herded along by those who would limit my choices, thinking that too many will confuse or intimidate me. I believe I am no smarter than many other people, so I don’t understand this notion of sugar-coating FemDom. So many people out there seem to assume that just because it happens that some folks in this lifestyle are into one particular kink or another, a vanilla woman will read/hear this and immediately be put off about giving FemDom a try. Are not most women intelligent enough to think: Hmmm, I like some of what I hear about getting help around the house with chores; I’m not sure if I want to take the lead in the bedroom but I guess I could try it to see how it goes; and I’m definitely never going to command my husband to clean the toilet with his tongue.



I am forever yours...

Beside you to share and defend
at every turn through life,

Kneeling before you
to serve, worship and adore you
as the Goddess you truly are,


I Get No Kick from Champagne


But I do get a kick when I hear that lock click… SHUT… LOCKED... and only I hold the key! PSD, personal security device is what I like to call it. VK wears his obediently :-) In all honesty I don't even think he needs one. Though I thought it was a little barbaric at first, when VK and I spoke of it, I could see him becoming submissive. So I could tell it was something we wanted in our relationship. Besides, a little fun and excitement is always a good thing . So why not? I think people are too afraid to live a little and try new things. I mean, what’s the big deal?

I used the little lock this week. I told VK to put on his PSD on Monday night when we went to bed. Once he had himself situated, he presented himself for my inspection and handed me the lock. I slid it through the locking pin and I have to say---I LOVE the CLICK it made when I snapped it shut!!! The next morning as he was walking around the bedroom, the lock was clacking against the plastic pretty darn loud as he moved---another thing I LOVED to hear! He sent me an email later in the day and said "Sounds like something in my pocket rattling." Of course I was sitting at my desk grinning ear to ear :-) I had the key to that lock in my jean skirt pocket. Throughout the day I fondled it and thought about my husband, my knight (and my slave) being locked up until I decide to let him out—WOW!!!

A few days ago I told VK I thought all men should wear a PSD. Maybe not all the time but some of the time because men think with their little heads way too much. They need to wake up and smell the coffee. There’s so much more to women and relationships than popping their cork. I was married before to a man who I sometimes think sees life as all about having sex and the rest just waiting for the next orgasm. We had a good sex life, but he’d often say when I refused him, “If it feels good, why don’t you want to do it all the time?” I gave him way too many mercy fucks just to keep him from getting pissy. Live and learn—learning is something I’m still doing. I wish I knew when I was younger some of what I know now. Maybe it’s better this way that things happen in their own time.

I’m learning more and more about this lifestyle. About a side of me I didn’t know I had. And about my husband. VK has become such a good submissive. I can honestly tell you all that this is something I NEVER saw him doing. I read where many submissive men say they knew they are submissive early in life. VK says he never did. I believe him, so this made me wonder sometimes if he might have been grasping at FemDom in desperation as a way to save a relationship that we somehow couldn’t seem to get right in spite of the love we felt for each other. I know now he is genuinely submissive and I guess he just never “got it” before because over the past few years he has changed so much and become such a better man, father and husband. This lifestyle has made such a difference in our lives. I believe things happen for a reason so this musta been meant to be for us.

I read the comments on our blog and see where other dominant women say how VK is such a good submissive. Thank you ladies. I know he likes that recognition and so you’re helping to push one of those buttons I talked about in another post :) You also say I am lucky to have such a man. And you’re right, I am. But as dominant women, you know better than most that it takes a good woman to straighten a man out, and a loving domme to really put his ass on the straight and narrow with the direction he needs. I’m always telling VK what a lucky man he is, especially after I look in a mirror LOL! But truth be told, we know we are both very lucky people.

The business I am in is very busy right now. So I don’t have much free time to write on our blog. Wish I did because this lifestyle has changed our life in so many positive ways---not just at home but at work too! It is enabling me to be the woman that I truly am and I want to help promote it as much as I can. It does take a little work and preparation, but I think that is what is wrong with the vanilla world. People take and get taken for granted and eventually shut down and stop talking---about everything that matters. I have read many articles in which the sex has even stopped in a lot of marriages. Reasons---many. If you don't have the line of communication open, you are destined to fail and this is true in almost anything we do. So if there are people out there that aren't sure about this lifestyle or are afraid to approach their spouse or significant other about it (and I know there are many!) then shame on you. How can you possibly expect to have a meaningful, honest relationship if you cannot communicate about what is important to you?