The Dreaded S-Word

Just when I’ve grown to think it is okay to use the term submissive to describe part of who I am as a husband, I’ve recently read suggestions in the Venus On Top forum where perhaps a man would be well advised to avoid using the s-word, especially when approaching his wife about her taking leadership of their relationship. It would seem, according to some of the dominant women in the group, that the s-word conjures in the mind of a woman, connotations of a spineless, jellyfish of a man, lacking in self-respect and devoid of the mettle to defend and protect her against that which might harm or dishonor her.

Not that it’s not okay to submit to a woman’s opinion, authority or leadership. Just don’t refer to it as being submissive. Compliant and subordinate have been half-heartedly offered as substitutes. Okay in a pitch I guess, but they don’t quite get the message across. Do they? One dominant woman suggests using the word uxorious. Now there’s a neat word. I like it because it’s a word you don’t hear much these days. But what the hell does it mean?

“Honey, I’ve been thinking that I’d like to be more uxorious.”

“Ux-what? What the hell does that mean?”

“Well, it means being fond of one’s wife.”

“And you’re not fond of me now?”

“Of course I am, but it means being, well, excessively fond of you.”

“Excessive? As in too fond of me?”

“No, I don’t mean it that way.”

“Then why don’t you just say that you mean.”

“I mean…”

“Never mind. I’ll look it up for myself.

Uxorious: Having or showing an excessive or submissive fondness for one’s wife.

“Oh, I see. In other words, you want to be submissive to me.”

I think it’s interesting the dictionary uses the word submissive to help define the meaning of uxorious. Damn s-word. Okay, let’s pretend the definition is simply: excessive fondness. Hmmm, exactly how much fondness for one’s wife is “excessive?” Can a man ever be too fond of his wife? And what about that female authority and leadership thing. Where in the definition of uxorious does it mention yielding or sub… oops, I mean acquiescing to a wife’s authority?

Submissive: (one definition) ready to conform to the will or authority of another

Submit: accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person

It seems to me that you may use whatever euphemism you wish, but the s-word hits the nail on the head more squarely than any other. It does for me anyway. I am submissive to Goddess V. I want and like to submit to her authority. BUT, and this is where I think some people get too caught up in the semantics of our language, this is not the only word that describes who I am as a man. First off, my submissive nature largely extends to one person only, the woman I love (walk up to me and tell me to kiss your ass and see what kind of reaction you get). Secondly, there are many other facets and qualities that comprise my personality. Obviously this is true for every man. No one word, be it the s-word or one of a thousand other words, can fully describe who a man is, as a person, as a husband, as a father.

Thank You...

| all for your kind words of sympathy—on behalf of Goddess V and myself. I honestly didn’t expect them when I wrote my last post, so they were an unexpected surprise.

To date, more of the comments to my last post were from the ladies who visit this blog. Considering that most readers are male, and comments are typically made by them, I found this interesting. But as I think about it, this shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s yet another indication that women are superior when it comes to matters of the heart. It’s further proof (to me anyway) that if a man will put the well-being of a personal relationship entirely into the hands of the woman he loves, there is a much greater chance the relationship will flourish.

My Dad was only 53 when he died and was long gone when I met my second wife, Goddess V. I know he would love so many things about her, but probably would be mystified if he knew the truth about the lifestyle we have embarked on. So would many others. Oddly enough, we’ve had no problem being open with most everyone about our appreciation for nudism, but otherwise, we keep the rest under wraps. Although I will say that Goddess V seems increasingly less inclined to be secretive about her goddess status, but always in a not-too-serious manner. I would not be surprised if eventually she decided to “out” us to certain acquaintances if and when it seemed appropriate.

We are indeed fortunate people. Goddess V and I look around us and see too many miserable people, some are in relationships and some are… searching… for something. There have been several occasions where we have lost friends, and Goddess V thinks it is because some people see us as being too damn happy as a couple, which breeds envy and eventually contempt. Unfortunately, there has yet to be a situation where we felt it would do any good to be open about the lifestyle we are pursuing. People need to be ready to hear any given message, so it wouldn’t have done any good to offer guidance on how they might improve their relationship.

Right now that leaves this blog, yours and other sites like them. Hopefully they may encourage readers to take the plunge. Then too there’s a support function to consider for those of us already in a FemDom relationship. Goddess V and I are not as far along in this lifestyle as you and your husband and there are times when my submissive feelings can be a source of frustration for me. I, for one, find encouragement in what you write on your Oral Worship blog. Not only does it help validate my own thoughts and feelings, it also helps strengthen my resolve. Thank you for that.

And thank you to all of you who maintain FemDom blogs and websites. Let's stick together and keep promoting FemDom and loving female authority.

A Sense of Urgency

We recently had an untimely death in our family, not unexpected due to prolonged illness, but untimely nonetheless. The person was my age, only 56, and its got me to thinking more than I want to be thinking: about my own mortality, about how difficult it is when a loved one passes on, and about how life offers us but a finite period of time. Time to spend in whatever ways we decide. I cannot change my mortality or how badly it hurts to lose or to see someone we care about lose a loved one. Thinking too much about this serves no purpose. So lately I’ve been considering the time we are given to walk this earth.

Sometimes a candle burns long and brightly, down to the last of the wick. Other times it flickers and sputters and never seems to burn well. Sometimes the flame drowns prematurely, leaving a wasted store of unburned paraffin. The hell of it is, from the moment we strike a match, we can never be sure how well or how long a candle will burn. We may make certain assumptions based on expectations, teachings, faith and even wishful thinking, and based on this we so often believe we have nearly all the time in the world. Fiddle-E-Dee, I’ll think about that tomorrow. I can tend to that later. One day I’m going to… after all, there is still so much fuel left to feed the flame. Well, maybe.

But maybe not—and if we haven’t done whatever before the flame extinguishes, we will never get another chance. Never.

So what’s the answer? Live every day as if it were your last? That sounds good. Right up there with “if you can conceive it you can achieve it.” But when you think about it, if everyone did live this way, with little regard for tomorrow, the world be thrown into utter chaos. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die—maybe.

I guess the answer is that each of us needs to take an honest look inside our self. I think we all kinda know where we come up short and where we are making good use of life. I know I usually do. I know when I have taken the road that was too easy and when I haven’t. I know when I’ve achieved my potential and when I haven’t. I know when I feel good about myself , when I don’t—and why. I’m not saying I’m now a changed person and will never again echo Scarlet O’Hara’s words of procrastination. But I will say I feel a renewed sense of urgency about certain aspects of my life.

In marketing and sales we are taught that in order to close a deal, one must create a sense of urgency: supplies are limited; offer ends at midnight; prices slashed. It works despite the fact this is nothing more than sales hype (stock will be replenished.; there will always be another sale). But suppose the message were: four years, two months, sixteen days, three hours and eleven minutes left. End of life. Can you imagine how thinking—and actions—would change?

The vast majority of those who read this blog are men. And about half of these men are submissive wannabes, many of whom are in vanilla relationships, mostly because they have not yet confessed their submissiveness (and a few because the women in their lives have rejected the idea). They are waiting, I suppose, for all sorts of reasons. I remember when I was first considering approaching Goddess V about FemDom. I chickened out for a while and kept Elise Sutton’s book in the trunk of my car. Goddess V and I were talking last night in the hot tub and we said that maybe the single biggest reason people are unhappy in a relationship is because they are not honest with themselves and with their spouse—about who they are and what they really want in life. We just don’t communicate. Problem is, we are all running out of time, maybe faster than we think.

I guess what I am saying is that even though I feel better than ever about where I am in life, I feel a general sense of urgency to move forward in certain directions and to make better use of my time. The challenge will be not to go off haphazardly in a hundred different directions at once, so that will require reassessing what’s genuinely important. At the top of that list is my relationship with Goddess V. It’s already wonderful, but I think it can be better still. That’s because despite my best intentions, I don’t feel as though I have yet given her 100%. Honestly, I don’t know exactly where that 100% mark lies, but I think it’ll be interesting and fun to find out.