A Sense of Urgency

We recently had an untimely death in our family, not unexpected due to prolonged illness, but untimely nonetheless. The person was my age, only 56, and its got me to thinking more than I want to be thinking: about my own mortality, about how difficult it is when a loved one passes on, and about how life offers us but a finite period of time. Time to spend in whatever ways we decide. I cannot change my mortality or how badly it hurts to lose or to see someone we care about lose a loved one. Thinking too much about this serves no purpose. So lately I’ve been considering the time we are given to walk this earth.

Sometimes a candle burns long and brightly, down to the last of the wick. Other times it flickers and sputters and never seems to burn well. Sometimes the flame drowns prematurely, leaving a wasted store of unburned paraffin. The hell of it is, from the moment we strike a match, we can never be sure how well or how long a candle will burn. We may make certain assumptions based on expectations, teachings, faith and even wishful thinking, and based on this we so often believe we have nearly all the time in the world. Fiddle-E-Dee, I’ll think about that tomorrow. I can tend to that later. One day I’m going to… after all, there is still so much fuel left to feed the flame. Well, maybe.

But maybe not—and if we haven’t done whatever before the flame extinguishes, we will never get another chance. Never.

So what’s the answer? Live every day as if it were your last? That sounds good. Right up there with “if you can conceive it you can achieve it.” But when you think about it, if everyone did live this way, with little regard for tomorrow, the world be thrown into utter chaos. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die—maybe.

I guess the answer is that each of us needs to take an honest look inside our self. I think we all kinda know where we come up short and where we are making good use of life. I know I usually do. I know when I have taken the road that was too easy and when I haven’t. I know when I’ve achieved my potential and when I haven’t. I know when I feel good about myself , when I don’t—and why. I’m not saying I’m now a changed person and will never again echo Scarlet O’Hara’s words of procrastination. But I will say I feel a renewed sense of urgency about certain aspects of my life.

In marketing and sales we are taught that in order to close a deal, one must create a sense of urgency: supplies are limited; offer ends at midnight; prices slashed. It works despite the fact this is nothing more than sales hype (stock will be replenished.; there will always be another sale). But suppose the message were: four years, two months, sixteen days, three hours and eleven minutes left. End of life. Can you imagine how thinking—and actions—would change?

The vast majority of those who read this blog are men. And about half of these men are submissive wannabes, many of whom are in vanilla relationships, mostly because they have not yet confessed their submissiveness (and a few because the women in their lives have rejected the idea). They are waiting, I suppose, for all sorts of reasons. I remember when I was first considering approaching Goddess V about FemDom. I chickened out for a while and kept Elise Sutton’s book in the trunk of my car. Goddess V and I were talking last night in the hot tub and we said that maybe the single biggest reason people are unhappy in a relationship is because they are not honest with themselves and with their spouse—about who they are and what they really want in life. We just don’t communicate. Problem is, we are all running out of time, maybe faster than we think.

I guess what I am saying is that even though I feel better than ever about where I am in life, I feel a general sense of urgency to move forward in certain directions and to make better use of my time. The challenge will be not to go off haphazardly in a hundred different directions at once, so that will require reassessing what’s genuinely important. At the top of that list is my relationship with Goddess V. It’s already wonderful, but I think it can be better still. That’s because despite my best intentions, I don’t feel as though I have yet given her 100%. Honestly, I don’t know exactly where that 100% mark lies, but I think it’ll be interesting and fun to find out.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to read of your loss.

Myles said...

I'm sorry for your loss as well.

I found this to be a very thoughtful and well-written post. I hope that taking stock of your life and finding your priorities for change really enhances the life you share with your Goddess.

Anonymous said...

I too are sorry for your loss.
I felt compelled to comment on your post.
I lost my father at 56 (four years ago) It made me rethink and evaluate my life he had all these 'life' plans which never came to fruition I have vowed to myself (since that day) to never plan and slip it away, in drawer to gather dust but rather to act upon it.. was around this time that i decided to NOT hide my lifestyle to family and friends. I won't say its been easy because it hasn't but at least something positive came from his death.
my thoughts are with you both and your family

Queen'sKnight1 said...

Well written and profound.

*BB* said...

I'm sorry for your loss. Some people, no matter how dim or bright their candle burns just aren't meant to be here long. It's what we do with the time we have that makes that time worthwhile, short or long.

I have a submissive friend in the US, probably my first encounter with D/s, who is letting his life slip away in a vanilla relationship when he could be the most perfect submale. Some people sadly never realise their potential, some like yourself are lucky enough to realise their true self and strive to reach your full potential and generous enough to spread the word to try help others.

helpmate hubby said...

Sorry for your loss. I think your post on this is very insightful however, and has strengthend my own resolve to the same end. Thanks for sharing.

Barbara said...

I can only agree with you...in fact with every single word.. and with every single feeling in it.

As you well know I am lucky enough to have found a devoted partner, who had the guts to open up, despite the many humbling moments this has cost him ( and still will in future ). However our relationship has thus formed such a deep bond of trust, love and respect for each other, that I couldn't imagine it being any other way.
I run my blog for the exact reason you mentioned : the many unhappy relationships due to a lack of communication, honesty and courage !

I am ever so glad that you have found happiness in your relationship. We are both a living proof that honesty and communication are the key to happiness.
Let's help, encourage and convince others to find the same happiness.