A Good Number?


One is the loneliest number if you’re Three Dog Night. Twelve makes an even dozen… awww, throw in another one for good measure. Sixteen ounces sounds about right for a pound. Same goes for a pint, except of course we’re dealing with different kind of ounces. And TEN, well, ten is a good number of orgasms to have in a year---or so says one of the readers of this blog.

This begs the question:
How many orgasms should a submissive man be allowed to experience in a year’s time?

You won’t get far into discussions about female-led relationships without learning that probably the premiere FLR dynamic is Orgasm Management. In a nutshell, the lady controls her man’s sexual release. She decides when and often even how he has an orgasm. Essentially, the thinking is that a man’s level of attentiveness to a woman is directly proportional to his level of horniness. In conjunction, the level of a man's horniness is directly proportional to the amount of time that has elapsed since his last orgasm.The hornier he is, the more attentive he becomes as a way of earning her permission to have an orgasm.

Alas, as many a woman will attest, once he experiences a Big-O, he regresses into a lazy, remote control hogging couch potato (or thereabouts) that he was before adopting this lifestyle. As a collerary to the orgasm management dynamic in a wife-led marriage, hubby pledges not to pleasure himself, especially to the point of ejaculation. Essentially, hubby remains chaste. There is a running debate in this lifestyle regarding how to ensure the male’s chastity. Some say the honor system should be sufficient if the husband seriously wishes to submit to his wife. Others prefer to rely on a chastity device to provide that extra incentive to help hubby over those times of temptation that invariably pop up from time to time.

A member of the She Makes the Rules forum, who shares a FLR with his wife of 25 years, recently wrote, “…chastity gradually brought us closer together and led to some unexpected results that were very positive. One result was that I absolutely love being locked in my chastity with [my wife] being my key holder.”

So far, it would seem that his orgasm management is more about him than her, but he goes on to say, “I enjoy the concept of her having total control over when and if I am allowed to be released from the device. So far the longest stretch I have remained locked in it has been 5 weeks. The time I remain locked leads me to make other improvements within myself to cater to her in other ways as well. I've been spending more time doing more around the house, and I also have more concern over what she needs both mentally and physically.”

This gentleman is not alone in his thinking. Most submissive men, if being honest, will admit they want a woman to control their sexuality. And the more control a woman exerts, especially if she teases and denies, the more a man wants it—which means the more attentive he will be to her. In the vernacular of the day, that makes for a win/win situation for both wife and husband.

But back to that original question:

How many orgasms should a submissive man reasonably be permitted to enjoy during the course of an average year?



My husband and I have a wonderful WLR marriage. I attribute much of its success to the fact that I do keep him very horny. I do a tease and deny session once a week or so on him, allow him to massage me nightly (umm, the best), and of course having him perform oral sex on me whenever I feel like it. He then must pat me off dry with tissues, pull up my panties, and then lay down, cuddle me and go to sleep. As for his orgasms, we both decided years ago that I would control them, and I did tell him that he would have to wait a minimum of 1 month, and probably longer to cum. He asked for 2 weeks, I said no way. He also gets a little disinterested after he cums, so I told him then that I would like 2 months. Well, I settled on the 1 month schedule, but I always seem to have to add additional weeks for bad behavior, or even because I can just add weeks. He is not allowed to ask or complain, if he does 2 more weeks are added. If his housework was not done up to my very high standards, 1 to 3 weeks are added. Restricting your husbands orgasms is a wonderful tool for wives. Just say "2 more weeks" , his behavior changes immediately, and a wife doesn't have to lift a finger. During the course of his wait time, there are instances where is behavior is so sweet and nice, that after he brings me to orgasm or massages me, I do allow him to penetrate me. But only for somewhere of 4 to 8 strokes, no cumming allowed. I never allow him time off for good behavior, he gets his 1 month and then whatever he earned additional. So ladies, 10 is a good magic number. That averages out to about once every 5 weeks in a year. My husband probably is on a schedule of 8 this year. ( I do make a mark on my personal calendar, but he knows each and every one of them by date and how it was done by memory). I have told him that one of these years I may tell him he will be like Christmas, which also only comes once a year. I love the look he gets on his face then. I would like to close by saying that I do not keep him in a chastity device. We have agreed that the greatest devotion a husband can show to his wife is having her full control over his orgasms. If he is going to masturbate then we have no relationship, and lets forget about WLR. He has sworn to me that he wants me to have this contol, and has promised that he would never do it. Any wife can tell the difference after her husband cums, and I know he has lived up to his oath and promise since we began this. Thanks for this wonderful site.

Anonymous said...

My wife and I are confused as to why this topic of "a good number" has not triggered a large number of responses from those practicing WLR. Maybe men don't want to write and commit a a certain amount that their wives will now use on them. Or perhaps women, not really understanding how a man feels to be very horny, actually don't know how many times they . should allow their man to orgasm. Well, my wife and I are both into a great WLR and she really doesn't have an exact number, but I am required to wait 1 month minimum between orgasms. I too am not allowed to beg or ask to cum. She may decide that after 1 month that she likes me better very horny and keep me that way for additional weeks. And she usually does. For men, there is no one guideline, it depends on your age and that of course means your testosterone level. A man in his 20's will be very horny after less than a week without cumming, while a man in his 50's will experience a high level of horniness after 2 to 3 weeks. The best advice to couples, your wife should ask you( but she probably knows already), is how long after an orgasm does it take you to be very horny again. Then she should double that amount and make that her minimum wait time, and add more weeks to it for punishment or because she feels like it. My wife and I agreed that being in my 50's I take about 2 weeks to get pretty horny, so she doubled that, hence the 1 month. That should be adjusted every few years. To speed things up for her, she will stroke me and rub me every night at bedtime, stopping a little before the point of no return. She undresses and dresses in front of me as often as possible, and likes to walk around in only her panties after her evening shower. Plus I am required to massage her feet, back, breasts, or her whole body nightly. At least once a week she will tell me to take off her panties, that means it's time for her to get oral sex. Or I may be allowed to enter her for a few strokes if I have been well behaved, but I am never allowed to cum at those times. We hope others write in and share their lifestyles , as well as what their good number is.

VeezKnight said...


I've previously written here how one dominant woman wrote in her book, "If women knew how often men masturbate, every husband would be wearing a chastity device." Aside from the debate as to whether or not a CD is necessary (versus the honor system), the point is this:

If the man stops taking care of himself when that horny feeling sets in, and allows his wife TOTAL control over when he gets relief, it can add a wonderful a very satisfying new dimension to a marriage. Sounds to me as if you and your wife have arrived there!

This is especially true if the wife adds a degree of tease and denial, which, as you pointed out, can be as simple as allowing you to see her nude or wearing only her panties. As you said, this speeds up the horniness. Perhaps more importantly, it reaffirms to the man that his wife has not forgotten or lost interest.

As to why few people have chosen to comment about "the number", this blog has many hundreds of readers each week, so who knows? Probably because people are so pressed for time these days, they just do not want to take the time.

My thanks to YOU for taking the time out of your busy life to do so.


Anonymous said...

VeezKnight, I think you said it perfectly when you said that tease and denial reaffirm to the man that his wife has not forgotten about his sexual situation she has imposed ( hopefully by mutual consent) on him. I do a tease and deny session on my husband several times a day. I will let him pick out my panties for me, let him fasten my bra as he watches me dress, allow him (in private of course) to grab a feel anytime during the day, watch me undress at night, and allow him to be in the shower with me if he wishes so he can do my legs and back. Sometimes I allow him to wash a little bit more. I like to keep him on the edge, and he also enjoys being there. When your husband makes a promise not to ever masturbate again and you know it has been years since he has done that, you can't measure that extra closeness we feel for eachother. You put it best.... it adds a new satisfying dimension to a marriage. Thanks for your reply.

grg999 said...

It varies for us somewhere around 6 to 8 weeks. Most are designed for my minimum pleasure. And immediately after have duties that guarantee I quickly return to my attentive sub self.

faninho said...

Nice of you to write again and god to bring this up:
Due to health and 'keeping the exercise for the plumbing -concerns' it's like: Age x 0,2 in summer- as the most frequent and Age x 0,3 up to Age x 0,4 for normal.
That's what my Lady thinks what is good for us.
So when I was 50 it was between 10 to 20 days of interval.
Now it is going to be more like 20 days… i.e. around 17 to 18 times per year.
Seems that I'm lucky, compared with others…

BUT she says, when it's time to have release- and forgets about it most of the time. The HOW - question is also up to her. If find it very FLR. And it would not be so good, when I ask or even complain … So in fact it is less then the theory above.

Anonymous said...

My wife and I have recently started our WLR marriage. So far I love it and she is enjoying it also. I like the fact that she controls my orgasms because it keeps me horny and I love the energy I get from that. As far as time, we really don't go past 2 weeks. I am 30, she is 31. I can pretty much be horny and ready to go the next day, so I am back to normal the next morning. I have enjoyed the time spent together caressing her and massaging her. It is almost like rediscovering one another. Last night we just started something new to establish her control over me. I have to open wide and let her sit over my face after my orgasm to clean her. I never want to do this after my orgasm, but I really have no choice. I sure drives home the point that she has complete control in our bed, and I love that.

Anonymous said...

Serious question. What effect does long term orgasm control have on a man's penis, testicles, and prostate??? As I stated in a prior post, I make my husband wait a minimum of 1 month, maybe up to 7 weeks on occasion, depending on his behavior. Although he agrees with me 100% on this, he has heard that men need to orgasm to keep everything healthy much more often. He has mentioned to me that some wives insert a prostate massager into their man and they release semen without him actually cumming. Well, there is no way I am going to do that anyway, sounds gross, and my husband is not in favor of it either. Any advice????

VeezKnight said...

Regarding your question:

Many people (especially men) are of a mind that a man needs to experience periodic orgasms to ensure prostate health. But the reality is that there is virtually no scientific medical evidence to support this. If the prostate builds too much semen that is not drained via orgasm, the brain simply conjures up a dream during sleep and the male has a nocturnal emission.

I have been told by several men who practice chastity, either enforced via a device or of the "hands-off" variety, that they have noticed an increase in this occurrence. Nature always seems to have its own agenda.

One might also consider catholic priests and other clergymen who take vows of celibacy. The vow doesn't just prohibit intercourse, it nixes masturbation as well. Do most of these men die of prostate cancer because they didn't cum enough? Not to my knowledge.

To my way of thinking, this either debunks the notion that regular ejaculations and or orgasms promote and are necessary for good male health... or it indicates that clergymen do not honor their vows of celibacy.

You decide.

VeezKnight said...

Regarding clean-up:

Many, many submissive men share the fantasy about doing this right up to the point of orgasm. The instant a male releases, the door to the fantasy closet slams shut and the notion of doing this no longer has any appeal.

This is why it is a particularly good, not to mention easy way for a woman to assert her control. It has a humbling affect on a man that is difficult to surpass. (It's also infinitely more intimate than using a baby wipe or tissue.)

Many dominant women therefore adopt this as routine and expect their men to consume what they spew forth.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your reply about prostate health. Now I can make him wait as long as I want. I have been thinking that after he cums (maybe next weekend after 7 weeks) I will make him wait longer than he has ever done before, a full 3 months. That means he won't cum until 2010. I do like him very horny and I think it is time I find out how good he could be after 3 months. And I would like to see how much teasing he can take, and how he will be after pushing him to the limit of 3 months. I told him of my idea just this morning, he said that if that made me happy and I wanted that, then he would like it also. What a great answer a husband can give to his wife!!! Then he added, I don't have a choice anyway, right?" Right, no choice for you, only me. I feel I want to have him show his devotion to me even more. This may be a good way. I'll let you know if I decide to do it sometime this weekend( I wouldn't bet against it). Thanks again for your reply and wonderful WLR site.

VeezKnight said...

You are most welcome. And thank you for sharing your wife-led experiences.

Anonymous said...

We are very glad to see that this topic has finally lead to 12 responses. Men, let your wife take control of your orgasms, it can be fun, and according to my husband the feeling you get after a teasing session is beyond belief. It is a good frustration if you can imagine that. Wives, your husband will be putty in your hands, doing housework, giving massages, giving as much oral sex as you want, shopping because you want to go, all because you are teasing him and denying relief. The longer, the better!!! Tell him that a chastity device may may be added if you can't establish early trust, yes, many men need time to adjust and learn to live in a constantly horny state. My husband has!!! What a great life!

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with the above post, and I am a man. My wife keeps me very horny for long periods of time, more than 1 month, and I am much more subservient to her because of that. We are in our middle 50's, and since there are only the 2 of us, we are free to show affection whenever we want, only it leads to no orgasm for me, only her if she wishes. As almost all men on this site seem to do all of the housework, and I am no exception. She has me do the housework wearing only panties. I wear panties bought by my wife and I only for me, as I am sized larger than her. I can't wear hers, too tight. I wear black, tan ,brown and whites. The Vanity Fair Body Caress and Jockey Tactel Hip Brief are the best fitting for men, and are silky smooth which my wife likes. The silky fabric rubbing against me all day and at night when she strokes me at bedtime keeps me aroused constantly. We have alot of fun though, and staying horny as long as she wishes adds alot of spice to our life. Men, let your wife have control of your orgasms, it will bring you closer than ever before.

Anonymous said...

We combine two ideas from other blogs. On our anniversary we put 52 pieces of paper in a hat with the date of every Sunday of the year. My wife arbitrarily picks twelve and those are the dates I may have an orgas. How is, of course, up to her. I have no idea how much time there will be between orgasms.
After the orgasm, to remind me of what a wonderful privilege I have just had, I am given 50 hard strokes with the cane which will usually draw blood or at least leave nasty welts for a few weeks after.
This leads me to pray that she has not drawn two Sunday dates consecutively.
This works for us.

Anonymous said...

As a male in a serious FLR, if you’re truly committed to making the whole chastity/orgasm control thing work, one month should be the absolute minimum. And it should be understood that that’s very tentative and not only liable to change but likely to change, meaning that whining and misbehavior on the male’s part should result in extra time added. I’m kept on my toes by the mere fact that my keholder—whom I love very much—can (and does) add more time on a whim. The longer I go without an orgasm, the more I want to please her. We’ve found that two to three months works best in our relationship and my wife has told me that she wants to see just how long we can extend my chastity. We’re discussing six months as an experimental goal. As for the absolute number of orgasms a man should have yearly, that’s up to the couple, of course (although if the man gets off every two weeks or less, you’re just dabbling in chastity). But, unless you’re trying to have a baby, ten orgasms a year is PLENTY and, arguably, less would be more. We’ve found that there is a definite correlation between the length of time I go without release and the quality of my attentiveness toward my wife. I’ve read a lot about men losing interest after their orgasms but I’m so appreciative that I shower her with affection on the rare occasions she lets me cum, even if it’s just a hand job. That means plenty of oral for her (which she gets almost nightly, at her discretion, anyway) and long, loving back rubs. BTW, we agreed over two years ago that it’s not appropriate for the woman in an FLR to give head (a topic I’d be curious to read feedback on here). I’ve accepted the fact that I won’t be receiving blowjobs as just another essential to the success of our FLR. I have experienced corner time and corporal punishment but my wife doesn’t normally see the need for this. Honestly, the last time she gave me a caning (because I noticed another woman), it was so severe that it’s an experience I really don’t care to repeat. As a final note, I do wear a chastity device. I love my wife very much but I told her long ago that it’s something I feel I need to honor my vow to her and she really appreciated my frankness and commitment.