Who says submissive men live in fear?


I read a post on another blog to which I take umbrage. Speaking of submissive men, himself included, the blogger wrote: "Our patriarchal societal construct is unforgiving to those men who dare challenge the masculine archetype and as such, we must constantly live in fear of being perceived as weak or dysfunctional when our own true desire is to support, encourage and empower women as the leading domestic relationship partners."

First off, I am indeed a submissive man to the extent that I enjoy being dominated by the woman I love and who loves me in return. For the most part, I think women are better suited to lead a marriage. At least in our case, this is true. Goddess V has proved it to me on many occasion. Toward that end, I encourage her and have empowered her to make all decisions in our marriage if she so chooses. I often am given the opportunity to voice my opinion, but in the end, I am content to abide by whatever decision she makes.

Having said that, let me make it abundantly clear that I am not deliberately challenging the masculine archetype of a patriarchal society, nor have I adopted a belief that women unilaterally are superior to men simply due to their gender. I have simply learned to act in a manner within my marriage that feels right and that works for us. More importantly, I do not constantly live in fear of being perceived as weak or dysfunctional, by either my wife or by anyone else.

We do not go out of our way to flaunt our FLR or FemDom lifestyle, or crusade for it in any way. Most of our friends and relatives might not know that I submit to Goddess V in a D/s context, but they would surely describe me as being more attentive a husband than most, one who "defers" to his wife with regularity. I might also add that with a few friends, Goddess V has outed me to a point on the scale that is much further on the submission side than it is deference side.

And I experience no fear. None.

This is because I know that as a person or a man, I am neither weak nor dysfunctional. I hate to think that other submissive men out there might feel this way. Whether you are still a submissive wannabe or whether you have confessed your desires to your wife or partner, DO NOT allow yourself... or anyone else... to make you feel weak, inadequate or dysfunctional-IN ANY WAY. We men who have come to terms with our submissive nature understand that, in fact, we are better husbands or partners than most of those masculine archetypes.

Any thoughts from other submissive men? Of course comments by dominant women are always welcome.


Anonymous said...

My husband and I have been married for 20 years and have been practising a femdom marraige for many years but only seriously for maybe six years, mostly in the bedroom, some descretely outside the bedroom and in public. Over time I continuie to slowly raise the bar by giving my husband new and more difficult challenges that generaly drive him deeper into submission and heighten my sexual arrousal. The next step I am contiplating is one that could have serious implications and one I have thought hard about for a sometime. It's a step my husband has expressed to me in his deepest submissive moments and one that he says scares him to death. But we both crave it badly. This next step is to bring our femdom marriage out into the open and practice it more openly in our home and in front of family and friends.
We have two beautiful daughters still living at home one just turned 18 and the other is 19. I have been holding off as long as I can with this next step but I think the time has come to begin talking with my daughters about female superiority and female domination. I am struggling on how to proceed and if they are old enough to understand and further confused with what is right and wrong or appropriate with regards to exposing our daughters to our femdom marriage. Sherri (section 1)

BOB said...

Great post MR Veeznight

I have always wondered about people who claimed that it was hard to find dominant women and that WLM s are looked down on by society.

In most marriages women are in charge , wether the husband wants to admit it or not.They just generally dont use the term Wife led marriage.Yet that is usally what they have!

Most people don't want to make their sex life public [understandably].But i don't think anyone nowdays would be shocked if they went over to a friends house & found the husband doing the housework while the wife relaxed.

They might make a light joke about it.Or a woman might compliment the wife for having such a doting husband.but unless you are living in a very conservative area , i cant see there being a negative reaction , unless the husband was dressed in a maids uniform or something[somethings should be done behind closed doors].

Thank you for writing this blog about the everyday aspects of Wife Led Marriages [ instead of just the BSSDM aspects of them].I hope that you can write more posts on subjects like the growing general acceptance of women being in charge, wether in business or politics or marriage.

Anonymous said...

Sherri part 2:

I must preface this by saying that both of my daughters are asking a lot of questions as they see there Dad being strickly controled and watch him do countless daily chores. Both girls have commented about how Dad is so submissive to me and how much control I have over him. Both girls have expressed several times that they hope to find a man just like Dad. I am loving the way they are thinking.
I am very fortunate to have found a naturaly submissive husband which I love dearly and so cherish these past years of molding him to my wants and needs through strick training. I cannot put into words what it does to me to empower him and control him primarly through orgasm denial and corporal punishment to way beyond what most others can understand. I am in a constant state of arrousal watching him spend many hours a day trying to please me by completing grueling chores to perfection, focusing on intence mental tasks while restained for long periods of time and then servicing my personal needs usually late into the night with little or no sleep. I with out question believe in what we practice in our marriage and want to stop hiding it in the bedroom and bring it out in the open where appropriate in front of my daughters, family and friends.
My oldest daughter is going to be going to our local community college this fall for two years and my 18 year old has one more year in high school and does not know forsure what she wants to do, but most likely both girls will be living at home for the next couple years or more. My question centers around what is appropriate in our household and are my girls at an age to be exposed to our femdom marriage. My husband does most all the chores in our house with exception of the main bathroom which the girls share, and the girls bedrooms. For years the girls have handled these chores. Both girls are very busy and now have taken on jobs to help pay for there schooling which is terrific so I think my husband should have to add these chores to his agenda. Maintaining there bedrooms, making ther beds each morning and cleaning and maintaining there bathrooms. Do you see anything wrong with this? A year ago I added to my husbands weekly agenda the chore of doing all the household laundry including the girls which he does twice a week.
My next questions center around what is appropriate in our household beyond the chores.
I should add a bit about my daughters here just so you have a complete picture. Both girls currently have boyfriends and both have exprienced sex. Neither is naive, both are quite comfortable with there bodies and often run around the house in just there underpants even if Dad is around. When Dad is not around they have no problem running around naked or sunbathing nude on our private deck. About a month ago the youngest brought up the subject of our local nude beach and how she and a girl friend of hers checked it out. I probed her about it and learned that my little girl is growing up. I was surprised with how comfortable she seemed to be with her body and nudity. She informed me that she thought I am such a prude at times. Little does she know I have been to this same nude beach several times as I love to parade my hubby in his Lori tube (I love to give him a dose of humiliation from time to time).

Anonymous said...

Sherri part 3:

Both girls are agressive and assertive in life which I really love and I think it is time to broaden there horizons. I have been truely fortunate to have very open relationships with my girls, we often talk openly about drugs, alcohal and sex. Recently the girls and I went to the youngest girl’s soccer game out of state so we had a long car ride and boy they really hit me between the eyes when the topic of sex came up and how I probed into there sex lives and expected them to be open with me but that it was not fair that I was not being open with them about mine and specificly about how I dominate there Dad.
I had to agree with them and little do they know how much I would love to talk, share and expose them to my femdom lifestyle. But I want to make sure I do not hinder the wonderful mother daughter relationships I have with both girls. I have a list below of topics that are swirling around my head and would love to hear your thoughts on subjects like: (1) Exposing the fact that I have thier Dad in chastity, and that he is never permitted to masturbate. (2) Orgasm denial, I do not permit him orgasms more frequently than monthly, usually he has to go several months between releases. (3) Should the girls see there Dad knell? (4) Should they see him naked or wearing his Lori tube? (5) Should they see him in his collar or on a leash. (6) Should they be allowed to give him instruction? I might love this one. (7) Should they hear or witness a punishment? (8) Little do they know that there Dad gets serious corner time, never less than two hours, normaly more, should they get to observe this? (9) Should they know their Dad is wearing panties, should they observe this? (10) Should they know I control all the money and finances to the extent that he does not have his name on any of our bank accounts, the house, cars, business and only gets a meager weekly allowance when he is good.

May I also ask you what you think is appropriate in the general public or in front of other family, friends, coworkers and what you think is crossing the line.
I want to take this next step so badly and have waited so long making sure the timing is right and appropiate. The thought of subjecting my husband to this incredible humiliation and what it will ultimately do for me just makes my body shutter. Then most of all showing and teaching my daughters all about femdom marraige.

Thanks, Sherri
PS It is ok to post this, as I aould love to get comments.

Sherri said this on October 8, 2009 at 1:47 pm | Reply

Anonymous said...

Comments to Sherri:

The reason these ideas make your body shudder and scare your husband to death is that they raise femdom marriage to a new level. Call it femdom household or femdom community. There are a lot of lines it could cross and you need to think about them.

You say you might love having the girls give your husband "instruction"? About what? What limits would you put on their instruction? How they want their bathroom cleaned and beds made up or how they want him to perform humiliating acts in front of their female friends? How strict would you allow them to be with him? Would their limits expand as they got older?

And what if he doesn't perform to their satisfaction? Do they tell you and you judge the seriousness of his failure and punish him privately? Do they just tell you how serious they feel it was and you still punish him privately based on how serious they say it is? What about with them present? Do they participate? Do they punish him under your supervision? Without your supervision? How much authority over him do you give them?

You ask about them learning about his orgasm denial, seeing him kneel, seeing him naked, and witnessing his punishment. How many of these things would you allow them to do if he doesn't fluff one of their pillows the exact way they want it and they say they want to be absolutely strict and it is a serious violation?

In a femdom household or femdom community does every female have authority over every male? How much authority do they get, and who gives it to them? At what age do they get it? You suggest 18, but might they begin learning about it earlier? Should an 8-year-old girl be given authority to order her 16 year old brother to do things and to punish him if he doesn't? How much of your authority would you give to female extended family, friends, coworkers, and the general female public?

You can hint about and describe all the other matters you ask about without getting too detailed. Of course, if you tell them anything there is no stopping how far the information can spread and who will know about it. But the question of "instruction" really raises a lot of other questions that you have to think about. And when it comes to going beyond your daughters, you need to ask yourself. Do you want to create a "femdom community" where your husband is the only male dominated, and he is dominated by every female he sees?

You might want to think about your femdom authority over your husband as similar to parental authority over small children. When your girls were little, what did you allow other adults to do? That should be your thinking, unless you really want to go beyond femdom marriage to a new level.