Promoting loving female authority

Those of us who have created websites or blogs that deal with loving female authority know through personal experience how well this lifestyle works. There is little doubt in my mind that most interpersonal relationships, as well as our society in general will eventually become female-led. Sometimes I wonder however, if perhaps those of us who actively promote loving female authority and FemDom may unwittingly create obstacles that hinder the transition to female leadership. It seems to me that we need to be careful to draw a clear distinction between reality-based and fantasy-based LFA/FemDom. Too often we are preoccupied with certain aspects of the lifestyle that, because they are more intense, for many people fall into the fantasy column instead of the reality column.

One particular blog written by a dominant wife, for many months has been preoccupied with cuckolding her husband. Relax, all you Katherine fans. I’m not judging or condemning this. Based on reader comments, a number of people find her writing captivating. But aren’t there also readers who find it disturbing? Elise Sutton warns that cuckolding is primarily a male fantasy, one with modest appeal to a majority of females. If this is true, and if our mission is to encourage more females to adopt this lifestyle (let's face it, there are currently far more closet sub males than subhubs kneeling at their wives' feet), doesn’t it follow that dwelling on cuckolding is likely to turn off female readers, even to the point where they may close their minds to it altogether? Sutton seems to think so, which is why she says she seriously considered excluding the subject from both her website and her book.

This is why Around Her Finger paints a far more conservation picture that essentially relegates all but the basics of loving female authority to shadows in the background. It’s a vanilla approach the Addisons figure will create a less threatening point of entry for a wider audience, with minimal opportunity for offending anyone, especially women. Just associating female authority with the already socially acceptable phrase, around-her-finger (which in my opinion was brilliant) casts LFA in a familiar, non-threatening light. It sounds so much less ominous than FemDom, don’t ya think? But make no mistake, it’s a euphemism for male submission to female domination. And that is D/s, plain and simple.

I have to confess that on Sutton’s site, I’ll sometimes read a letter or real life experience that scares the bejesus out of me. I’ll read and think to myself, “Are these people serious? No way!” On the other hand I sometimes feel short-changed and a little frustrated when reading on AHF at the Addisons’ persistent sidestepping around many FemDom issues simply because they might offend someone. Which approach is best and likely to be more effective in spreading the word? And where does this blog fit in? In which direction should I take it? I’m thinking about keeping it reality-based and positioned somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum. Any comments or suggestions?


Joel said...

Well said VeezKnight,

I couldn't agree more. My wife loved aroundherfinger but hated Elise's site. OK gotta go kiss her feet :)

oldbear said...

Vk, I like to keep it real, but ackonwledge for some the more extreme forms may work, or even be necessary.

Undue male lifestyle extremism and fantasy expectations can really be threat to vibrant loving marriage.

You are right we need to represent ourselves well to the general public. Keep it up MAN!

tallchisub said...

I certainly agree that an obession with submale fantasies will inhibit the formation of female-led relationships. Nevertheless, I'm puzzled why you pick on cuckolding. I'd be willing to wager that there are far more women interested in extra-marital sex than there are women interested in becoming dommes. Cuckolding allows women to explore their desires for some sexual/relationship variety and it can be a powerful catalyst to the development of a female-led relationship. Indeed, once your wife "strays" with your knowledge and consent while you remain faithful to her you find yourself right in the middle of a female-led relationship. I think Ms. Sutton is right to warn of the emotional/relationship risks of cuckolding, but she is also clear that it can be a powerful part of a female-led relationship. Done right, cuckolding can be the key that unlocks the door to a female-led relationship.

Anonymous said...

Common sense tells me to take issue with your definitions and with your notion of a female-led relationship.

When I think of a female-led relationship, it is with the picture of the woman assuming the rights and the responsibilities traditionally held by a man. That would make the woman the principal or prime partner in the relationship. The ultimate decision-making would be hers.

Regardless of who has been the principal, husbands and wives find their emotional and sexual harmony with each other. While I acknowledge that the particulars of such harmony will vary from couple to couple, and that what they do in their privacy is their business; most couples, a vast majority of couples, are not going to countenance adultery. Period.

Loving and trusting someone does not mean abandonment of self-respect. Nor does it mean abandoning the effort to fulfill a partner's sexual fantasies. I might prefer a loving female authority, but not at all in the narrowminded, self-deprecating way depicted here. A marriage is still between two people. If a woman, or a man, want to have more than one sexual partner, they should not get married. It's really quite simple. Adultery is a poor masquerade for loving authority.

VeezKnight said...

I think anonymous misunderstood what I was saying in this post. Actually, I think our "definition" of a female led relationship is quite similar. But having said that, I want to add that we need to be careful when we attempt to impose personal definitions (and opinions) on others in this lifestyle or any other lifestyle. That's called being judgmental, and being judgmental is something we'd probably do well to steer clear of.

Anonymous said...

Definition is an activity commonly used to bridge understanding in conversations. In fact, VeezKnight, you engaged in it when you attempted to portray my effort at establishing a common definition of "loving female authority" as an imposition that was "judgmental" of others. If this conversation is an open one, then I am free to tender a definition of loving female authority as a relationship that would naturally be free of adultery. The deference and honor that I would give to my wife is based upon the power of her sexuality, her personality, her beauty, her intellect, and her femininity, not upon my lack of self-esteem. These are positive qualities, and they are qualities that effect my attraction to and my love for her. I would no more prove my reverence for her by consenting that she lower herself to an adulterous affair than I would by helping her to lie or to rob a bank.

And I cannot help but observe that the stories proffered by some of the so-called loving female authority leaders contain a strong male character who takes over and abuses the husband. This totally destroys the whole purpose, which was to be led by a loving female authority. Instead, what is depicted is a husband led by a wife who is led by another man -
that's not loving female authoirity. It is confirmation that the folks who write those stories cannot quite let go of the traditional patriarchy.

Anonymous said...

I took a look at a local d/s organization, thinking it would be a way to learn more, perhaps meet another couple for socializing and normalization. I did not pursue it any further when I saw the last organized meeting focused upon a fireplay demonstration, then the latest comments asked for tips on nailing a man against a wooden wall by the scrotum. I am not interested in reinventing The Spanish Inquisition! So, I am very glad the aroundherfinger book, site, and movement is available. Signed, Glad to be a Moderate