The growing number of blogs such as this one, along with the proliferation of FemDom websites is testament to the substantial number of males who have visions of submission in their heads. I would hazard a guess that many of these are what I’ll call MSWs (male sub wannabes). Some are single and looking for an LTR with a dominant woman, but the majority are married and wanting their wives to take control of the marriage. Wishing, hoping and dreaming ain’t gonna make it so. As most of us already know, herein lies the irony. Today anyway, it’s often up to the submissive male to get the female to fully embrace her authority and become dominant. Just to put it in perspective, can you imagine an African-American voluntarily kneeling before a white person and saying, “Please put me in irons, beat me, abuse me, take me to a foreign land and make a slave of me.” Hmmm, there are a lot of issues to deal with there.

Provided we get past shame and guilt and self-respect, there’s still that nagging fear of rejection. So what’s an MSW to do? Single guys may have a bit of an easier time of it. The Internet provides a perfect medium for maintaining a degree of anonymity while being honest with a woman about submissive desires. So they at least have an opportunity to date women who already know about their submissiveness. This sure beats dropping the bomb later down the road. Married men however are already firmly entrenched in, well, the wrong trench, at least as far as leadership in the marriage goes. Stories abound of men married for 20 and even 30 years who fantasize daily about being dominated, yet go weak in the knees at the thought of confessing it to their wives. So what’s a married MSW to do?

Well, you could go to a pet store and buy yourself a dog collar, one large enough for say, a German Sheppard. Then pick a time when your wife is watching TV or reading. Strip naked in another room, grab that collar between your teeth and crawl to her on your hands and knees. Drop the collar at her feet and begin kissing and licking her toes. Between licks, tell her how superior you think she is compared to you and how you want her to dominate you into total submission. Ask her to fasten the collar around your neck and treat you as her personal slave. Confess how badly your ass fairly aches to be spanked and whipped when you misbehave and… um, well, maybe a different approach would yield more favorable results. (Hey, we need to keep a sense of humor about all this, we really do.)

Lifestyle dominant women frequently recommend a “seduction approach.” The seduction approach calls for the MSW to surreptitiously seduce his wife by becoming more helpful around the house, taking on more chores, helping with the kids, offering her bubble baths, massages and pedicures, being more romantic, etc… Little by little the wife may suspect something is up, but hopefully by then she is already enjoying the new arrangement and her increase of power within their relationship. The rationale is she’ll therefore be more receptive when hubby finally suggests the idea of her taking the leadership role in their marriage and of him submitting to her authority. In a nutshell, the male covertly spoon-feeds his submission in small doses, proving to his wife, up front, his honest intentions of serving her. Hopefully, she eventually sees the wisdom of a female-led relationship and proclaims to her husband, “Behold ME, your Goddess! Now fetch me a whip and bare your bottom, you worm.”

I see a couple of problems with this approach. First off, because of busy work schedules, a significant number of couples have cleaning people who come in once a week. Those who don’t often share household chores. In my case, I was already doing our laundry, making our bed, cleaning the kitchen, helping to clean the rest of the house, taking care of the yard plus doing numerous home improvement projects. I didn’t do much cooking, but then neither did my wife. We ate out and ordered in often. When you add in the romantic gestures I mentioned earlier that were already part of my routine, aside from having a noticeably different attitude in thinking of her as a Goddess, it would have been difficult for me to bring anything significantly new to the party in order to seduce her.

Secondly, according to MSWs who have tried the seduction approach, it is difficult to sustain for any meaningful length of time. Primarily this is because it does not allow him to experience the one aspect of FemDom that satisfies him the most. He may embrace his submissive desires, may see his wife as his Goddess and worship her as such, but it’s still not enough. Fulfillment for an MSW can only begin when the female acknowledges him as her submissive and wields her authority over him in an overt manner. Covert submission does not allow for this because the female does not know what’s going on. There MUST be a formal exchange of power that she not only embraces, but also reminds him of every single day in one way or another. The more she does this, the better he becomes in his submission. It’s the primary and essential ingredient that makes FemDom work in the male submissive’s head. For many submissive men, me included, discipline and control of sex are also important considerations. But more on that later.


oldbear said...

A really great post in your fine tradition! Remember I am reading top down!

As a writer (and contrarian by nature) I like the avoidance of over-generalization inyor conclusion! YOU rock VK.

jordan said...

Just as a single additional data point, I tried the seduction approach, and, for many of the reasons you describe, found that I couldn't keep it up for more than about 2 1/2 months. A shame, though because it was fun, especially in the beginning, while it lasted.

I thought your description of the importance of the acknowledgment and power interchange dynamic was right on the spot.

Thanks for such and insightful blog - I look forward to working my way through it.