Eating Watermelon

A while ago Goddess V and I were out with several other couples. During the evening one of the husbands told the story of a guy he worked with who had recently married. Come to find out, the guy had never gone down on his bride. So my friend took it upon himself to explain to his coworker that he really did need to start doing it. When the young guy admitted he had no idea what to do, my friend said, “It’s easy. You make like you’re hold a big piece of watermelon in both hands, then you stick your face into the juicy middle, shake your head back and forth and go ‘buh-dah-dah-dah-dah.” (I can’t do the sound he made justice with the written word). I laughed so hard my stomach ached, especially when my friend added, “Then if you get a hair in your mouth, you just spit it out like watermelon seeds.” He leaned over and made like he was spitting out seeds. Oh my God, just thinking about that night I’m starting to chuckle to myself.

Flash back to a few years ago. Again we were out with friends (we have a terrific social life). There happened to be a single guy with us, I’ll call him Ed, who had dated a woman who was also with us that night. They were not together however. Anyway, after sitting with us a while, Ed caroused here and there during the evening looking to pick up a good looking single woman. He eventually zeroed in on one and it looked as it he was making some progress. Seeing this, the woman with us who had once dated him said, “Good luck to her. Ed can’t eat pussy worth a damn.” I wondered at that comment: sour grapes maybe?

A little while later, Goddess V went to the ladies room and was gone for considerably longer than usual. When she returned, she had a big smile on her face. “You aren’t going to believe what happened in the ladies room.” Turns out the woman Ed was putting the moves on was also in the ladies room. Goddess V said hello. The woman, having seen Ed sitting with us earlier, then proceeded to ask my wife how well she knew Ed, was he a nice guy, etc… Just then another woman came out of one of the toilet stalls and chimed in, “Oh, Ed? I dated him a few years ago. Too big an ego, plus he’s lousy at eating pussy. He thinks all he has to do is poke around down there with his tongue.” The conversation went on from there.

It’s amazing the things women talk about in the ladies room! I was shocked by the gravity of this. I couldn’t get over that our friend, who by the way has never been married and fancies himself as quite the ladies man, has women around town sharing stories about his apparent inability to properly give oral sex to a woman. I felt badly for the dude because apparently none of the women were willing to give the guy a lesson. Geez. It got me to wondering. I mean, I knew I was doing more than just poking around with my tongue. But it hadn’t occurred to me that I still might be doing it wrong. I hadn’t heard any complaints, but neither had Ed. Apparently not to his face anyway. Is there one standard fool-proof way to do it or do different women like different, well, techniques? So was I doing it right? You may laugh at this, but during the drive home that night I asked my wife just this. She looked at me and said, “Honey, if you weren’t, you’d have been history long ago.”

This happened before we adopted this lifestyle. Since then, even though I had been doing an acceptable job at eating watermelon, Goddess V is considerably more vocal about how she wants me to eat it. And it's not always the same way. The good news for the dominant woman is that if her man doesn't get his face into the watermelon as often as she'd like, or in a manner that really catapults her over the edge, she has clear license to give him specific direction. Personally, I like this. Goddess V's voice speaks directly to my submissive nature, plus I know I am pleasing her in exactly the way she likes it—which gives me immense pleasure. It’s another FemDom win/win.