Male Orgasm Control

In general, a man thinks with his penis. We all recognize this, but when you think about it, there’s no need for apology. He’s wired that way by Mother Nature for a reason: to ensure procreation of the species. He’s wired to be attracted and aroused by everything about the female, driving him to achieve what a friend of mine refers to as “the good feeling.” As a man, I’ll never understand exactly HOW a woman thinks, but I do know that as a rule, she does NOT think with her genitals. You’ll rarely see a woman slide her hand into her crotch just to say hello to what’s between her legs. She is not hard-wired to be in relentless pursuit of the good feeling. This then, is a massively powerful tool that Nature gave her to control the male. Men know this to be true, that his sexuality is, in fact, his Achilles Heel. I believe women know this as well. But I suspect women don’t understand that in addition to giving them control, it is also a surefire way to supercharge a marriage that will be more satisfying to both spouses.

I’m not sure if the submissive side of a male dictates that he actually wants to be controlled this way. Probably some men do and some don’t. It makes no difference, because regardless of how he feels about it, a woman CAN control him by taking charge of his penis and thus taking charge of sex. This is vastly different than a woman using sex “as a weapon”, which breeds malice and seriously undermines a mutually satisfying physical relationship between spouses. Male orgasm control, if done within a regiment of teasing and denial where the female controls sex, will not only control a male in a positive and constructive way, it will also change how he views sex.

A man typically sees sex within marriage as his husbandly, if not manly right. When he doesn’t get it as often as he thinks he should (frequency varies between individuals) he feels cheated. Also he is likely to feel perplexed and frustrated that sex apparently is not important to his wife. This makes him feel trapped and can easily lead to feelings of resentment. Some men just go out and golf a lot more. Some turn to frequent masturbation and surfing porn on the Internet. Some end up cheating on their wives. Oddly enough, teasing and denial has the opposite effect, I guess because it brings a man’s hard-wired desire for the good feeling right out onto center stage. Through the woman’s intentional teasing and denial, she proves to him that she is indeed aware of his manly needs, but is simply turning the tables to suit her feminine needs. Instead of the male feeling cheated, he feels aroused. When he is aroused, he is putty in her hands. I believe women are well aware of this, but for some reason pretend they aren't. In a wife-led marriage there is no such pretense. The dominant wife is openly free to rechannel her husband's arousal and sexual energy into areas such as pleasing her sexually, romancing and courting her as he did when they first met, being more attentive, opening doors for her, being more helpful around the house, paying her compliments, pleasing her any way he can, etc…

The art shown here is called The Birth of Aphrodite from the Sea and is part of the front panel of the Ludovisi Throne (actually an altar), c. 460 BC. It depicts newly born Aphrodite, rising from the waves and foam of the sea, joyously greeted by the Hours (Horae). Aphrodite of course is the Greek Goddess of sex and is sometimes referred to as the Goddess of Orgasm. I wonder if Aphrodite would agree with FemDom guidelines for the controlling the orgasms of her submissive male:

ONE: Having a penis is like having a built-in toy. And the more a man plays with it the better it feels until… oops, ahhhh, time to take a nap, wake up and start again. This may be a bit of an exaggeration, but nonetheless, a man touches, fondles and is generally friendlier with his sex organ than necessary. As a dominant woman, make it clear that you are taking ownership of his genitals. They may be attached to his body, but they now belong to you. His penis is no longer his toy, it’s yours. As such, YOU will determine playtime. Some dominant women go so far as to employ the use of a chastity device to prevent a submissive man from playing with his toy when she is not around. I recently corresponded with the manufacturers of the CB3000 and while they would not divulge sales figures, they did tell me that sales of their chastity devices have been steadily increasing worldwide over the past five years, with the CB3000 now holding 74% of the market. This info certainly isn’t definitive, but it does give some indication that an increasing number of women are taking male chastity very seriously. But this is a discussion for another day.

TWO: Sex is for the woman’s pleasure. Her pleasure is primary while his is secondary. In fact, his sexual release is entirely at her discretion. You can certainly still have intercourse, but the Cardinal Rule is: NEVER does he reach orgasm unless you’ve first had yours (or as many as you wish). Opinion among women seems to be that when it comes to the female orgasm, the tongue is mightier than the penis. So enjoy and make your vagina the altar at which he worships. And don’t feel as if because he has brought you to a shattering orgasm that you need to allow him the same. Not so. You’ll find that if you deny him, he’ll be even more eager to please you, not only the next time his mouth is between your legs, but also in other nonsexual ways.

THREE: Men masturbate. A lot. And any man who says he doesn’t is not being honest. Certainly there’s nothing wrong with masturbation, if you’re single. But in a marriage, if the husband masturbates, it will take the edge off of sexual tension, and that doesn’t bode well for the relationship. The more sexual tension between the male and female, the better. So masturbation must cease. Hubby must be forbidden to masturbate without his wife’s permission and supervision. She might take matters into her own hands and do it for him if she feels like it, or she can have him take care of himself while she watches. I’d hazard a guess that many wives have never seen their husbands masturbate unless they’ve accidentally walked in on him. So this may feel a little awkward at first. I know in my case I initially felt embarrassment because this had always been something I had done in private and on the sly. Turns out it can be quite erotic, and Goddess V enjoys seeing me do it.

Aside from what I’ve said above, it’s often pointed out that men become lazy after they climax. It’s purely physiological and is a result of a chemical change in our brains that takes place immediately after ejaculation. So in the FemDom world, this is a major argument for limiting a male’s orgasms: too many and he become a lazy lump less likely to please his lady on all fronts. On the flip-side of the coin, a dominant woman can’t simply keep her submissive male in a perpetual state of denial as eventually he becomes grumpy and argumentative. I’m not so sure I agree with this completely, but that’s just my opinion. It may be true in general terms, but I think this varies greatly from individual to individual. There are no absolutes, no exact formula for orgasm control, or any other aspect of Loving Female Authority. It’s whatever works best for the Domme and her sub.


oldbear said...

Hi VK, thses recent posts of yours are AWESOME!! I percieve an upswing in posting fequencya nd caliber since GV came on board. Is that correct?

I want to really think and rethink before I respond to some of these posts. I believe in the insight of your posts and respect you based on your appreciation of women and insight into our interaction with them. I disagree on some of it, but I want to communicate well where my take differs from yours.

I am as always reading and loving it, just not responding.

Peace and Love to you , a great man, and your Great Lady! OB

robert said...

As a man in marriage that has been wife led for most of it's sixteen years, I can absolutely agree with you on these items. I've worn a chastity device since 1999 and putting your ability to have sexual pleasure of ANY kind in the hands of your woman in charge is the best thing to do for your relationship.

Anonymous said...

Yours is one, if not the best blog I've found regarding FLM. I check for updates almost daily.

I gave my wife a copy of "around Her Finger" a couple months ago but have not heard a thing about it or any changes in her behavior. I would love to hear any advise you have regarding introducing this topic to ones spouse. In my case she tries not to talk about these types of topics - perhaps coming out of a family with lots of problems between the parents!

fucktoy said...

fucktoy couldn't agree more. all of his sexual pleasure is entirely up to Mistress, and fucktoy doesn't wish for anything else.

Her fucktoy

GoddessV said...


If your wife has a family background that includes, as you say, problems between her parents, she must know that part of the cause of those problems was a lack of communication between them. About issues. Any and all issues. I would think that she would not want to repeat this mistake in her marriage with you.

If it's been several months since you gave her Around Her Finger, I would suggest that you mention it. You might want to refer to one of my husband's earlier posts where he talks about how to respond to a wife who does not respond. I wouldn't recommend badgering her about it, but certainly you are within your right to initiate some sort of communication. Any communication is far better than none at all.

Tell your wife how important this issue is to you. Ask first if she read the material, then if so, what she thinks about it... likes... dislikes... concerns... etc. You won't be able to cover it all in one conversation, but the communication has to begin somewhere. Even though you are the one who wants to assume the submissive role, you are the one who will need to champion the cause. It's a paradox I know, but true.

The good news is that I cannot imagine any woman, once she allows herself to understand what LFA is really all about, not having an interest in at least experimenting with this lifestyle.

--Goddess V

Anonymous said...

I have the cb 3000, it was my idea to bought, and then when she saw the "object", she said to me that I should put on my penis for 5 days a week.
I try to put the chastity at work, as she said, but I use jeans and I am sitting on a chair all day long, it is a pain, almost impossible, so she says "do not wear the cb during your work" and I'am happy, because I have 2 little but very painful wounds on my balls, because the cb stretch very hard on me.
Therefore we have decide to put the chastity only during the weekend or on holidays, and I think that since we do not live togheter, but it is a long distance control, it is better to do this way.
When I test the cb for a cuple of days at work, I don't sleep well, and during the work time I was not concentrate, because I was very excited.
I'm also very excitable, so for me a cuple of days without an orgasm is nearly the limit, maybe because I see my woman only on weekend.
If we live togheter, these thinghs were different... but ...
Anyway, I think that the decision to put a object like this on a person, is a decision either of the woman and the man, not only she.
It is a game of pleasure, if the decision isn't consensual, so it is only violence, no good at all!
Sorry for my english..

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to know if you could help me. I am a "normal male" who wants to introduce my Fiance into this lifestyle. She is naturally dom deep inside. What worries me is she will get tired of the power and look for more of a challange. I recently gave her all my credit cards and bank cards. I told her i was spending to much and needed her help, she is all over it and i get excited every time i need to ask her for money. any suggestions to ease her in without scarring her away would be much appreaciated

Anonymous said...

I have been married 17 years in my FLR lifestyle. I wore a gown at our wedding, I am the housewife. I cook, clean, maintain the home, do laundry, and shopping for my Goddess. I was put in chastity and demonized during our engagement. I was also given lessons to become an expert in cunillingus by practicing on my fiancee and her friends. I was also milked and pegged until I could cum by prostrate stimulation with no touching of my genitals. I was a virgin who masturbated heavily with Fetishes for used panties, short skirts, vagina worship. I got so I came in my panties just smelling my wife's scent, or from a taste of her juices. I am 46 now I am still a virgin, I dress as a woman, take female hormones, and love eating my cum as she has made me do. I also love when she brings me home cream pie to eat. I am raising our daughter ( I don't know the father). Sometimes she let's me kneel look up her skirt at her vagina and masturbate. I love it

Hugh Johnston said...

Sad life , honestly , if you want to be a woman get a sex change ! There is no real union between man and woman in these crazy relationships