Agreement of Power

Someone must be in charge. That’s the way it is. The notion of a 50/50 relationship is just that, a notion. Since no two people are identical, no two people think alike, especially when you consider how females and males use different thought processes. Literally, our brains work differently. In order for there to be harmony and coehesive existence in any group of people, someone must be in charge. This is why we appoint Presidents, Generals, Chairpersons, Captains and Heads of Households. And generally that leader must be recognized, revered and respected. If not, there is strife, turmoil and unrest.

Goddess V and I had power struggles. I didn’t see them as such, but she surely did. I saw it more as my opinion versus her’s, my way versus her’s. For instance, I’m sort of a neatnick while she is a bit of a slob (no worries, she’ll be the first one to admit that, so I won’t get my ass whipped for saying so). She’s an optimist while I’m more pessimistic. Since we originally saw ourselves as having a 50/50 partnership (at least I did), our power struggles inevitably ended with one of us “giving in” to the other. Sooner or later, that tends to breed resentment and animosity. It upsets the sense of balance in a relationship. It chips away at harmony and obscures clear vision of the direction in which two people in a relationship are headed. (I believe vision is critical, that you must “see” what you want before you can attain it.) A formal agreement of power, or leadership, prevents these problems from occurring because it eliminates the opportunity for power struggles in the first place. Simple logic, eh?

I won’t debate here all the ‘whys’ that support female leadership in a marriage. If nothing else, one has only to consider the divorce rate to see that traditional male leadership and power-struggle-prone 50/50 relationships, are not working. 50% failure rate is abysmal in any statisticians book. Then add in all the dreary marriages in which spouses, for one reason or another, decide to just stick it out. I’d hazard a guess that less than 20% (maybe even 10%) of marriages are truly happy, passionate and personally fulfilling for both spouses. The need for change is apparent: why keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome? Why not turn over leadership to the women?

Everything in nature happens for a reason. Whether or not a woman feels as if she is superior to the man. it makes no difference. She has only to realize and embrace the fact that Mother Nature gave woman power over man for a reason: to control him. In talking with and observing many men, I am convinced that the vast majority recognize this on some level of their consciousness and in fact want it. We may be physically rougher and stronger than women, we may be warriors and more barbarian, but at least in the presence of the right woman, most men will roll over every time. It only falls to the woman to ask--or make--him do so.

An agreement of power is the foundation of a wife-led marriage. It must be a formal discourse in which the wife asserts that she will assume control of the relationship. It must also be definitive, without vague statements such as, “I’ll pretty much make the decisions.” There is much power in a woman’s words. There is also much power in the words she elicits from a submissive man. As an example, the wife might say:

“As the female I am better equipped to control our marriage, do you agree? (have him answer you). So I will assume the dominant role in our marriage. Your role will be to submit to my authority. That's what you truly want deep down inside, isn't it? Then get on your knees before me. From now on you will worship me as your [Goddess/Queen] in any way I say? Understood? (have him say, ‘Yes, my Goddess/Queen’...reach down an take his face in your hands so that he is looking up at you). And you WILL obey me. You know I love you, don’t you? Do you understand that I will never do anything that I don’t feel is good for you, or me or for our marriage? Okay then. I may consider your opinions on certain things and you may disagree with me, but in the end, my word will be final. Understood? Very well, now let’s talk about some specifics…”

From the submissive point of view, this agreement can be general at the start, but ultimately I think it must cover all aspects of the marriage such as the woman’s control of sex, discipline, household chores, children and finances. I also think it must be continually reinforced. Goddess V controls most areas of our marriage. I know she values my opinions and I feel at liberty to offer them. I don’t have to wait to be asked and we sometimes disagree. Ultimately, we go with what she decides. This isn’t to say she is always right or that she never makes mistakes. After all, she is human, and were I the one making all the decisions, I would make mistakes too. Since our agreement on her authority, I no longer feel as if I am “giving in to satisfy her even though I know better.” Truth is, I’ve come to trust her ability to lead and safeguard our marriage more than I trust my own. My concern has been that Goddess V might feel over-burden while I live happily in sub space with no responsibility for making major decisions in life. So in that regard, I am always interested and ready to take part in the decision-making process if and when she wants me to.