Tintinnabulation, chocolate chip cookies and other creative ways to discipline your man

This dominant matriarch went from baking chocolate chip cookies with the grandkids to ordering grand pop to worship her gnarly feet before she thumps his ass with the same wooden spoon she used to mix the cookie batter. I’m thinking: this ain’t your average submissive man’s fantasy when it comes to domestic discipline. Submissive men tend to have ideas in their heads, often artfully constructed ideas, governing how they see themselves being controlled and disciplined. Reality however, usually plays out differently.

Over in the VOT Forum they’ve been sharing real-world methods that some of the dominant women members use to enforce and maintain control over their submissive men. There’s definitely spanking going on in many of the wife-led households, but it’s often cited that the challenge with this is a submissive man often enjoys being spanked. So what’s the point of using spanking as discipline? Ditto for other forms of discipline and enforcement. And no, the lady pictured in the photo is not Goddess V. She just happens to be wearing pink pumps that look very similar to Goddess V's. Apparently both dominant ladies were attracted to the same shoes. Imagine that.

Fantasies aside, it comes down to finding practical disciplinary procedures and other effective methods for a dominant woman to send her man the message that She is in charge. VOT ladies have suggested that if a man enjoys being spanked, a better way to discipline is not to give a spanking but to withhold it. I guess you could say the rule of thumb here is to find something he likes and take it away: a favorite TV show, the Internet, etc… Other methods they use include “parking” their man, (having him stay in one place without moving); corner time (with or without the stool and the dunce cap); holding a coin against a wall with his nose; sleeping on the floor; not allowing their man to worship them in whatever ways they normally enjoy. The list goes on, with the emphasis on being creative and variation of the enforcement methods.

People are apt to consider discipline and punishment as being the same thing, so I think it important to draw a distinction between the two. Discipline is an on-going regiment meant to achieve and maintain a certain behavior. In this case of course the desired behavior is the male’s submission to the female’s authority. As such, discipline may include a reminder of consequences if the desired regiment is not maintained. Punishment on the other hand IS the consequence that is incurred when the desired regiment is not maintained.

I personally have come to believe that domestic discipline is a necessary part of a wife-led marriage. I won’t speak for all submissive men (you guys can chime in if you like), but speaking strictly for myself, I feel as if I need a routine of discipline. Sometimes more so than others. Sometimes more than what Goddess V subjects me to. You can keep the dog crate for use with Fido, but I do happen to like being spanked. But wait. Let me back up a little. I like the IDEA of being spanked. I suppose it has to do with the feeling of vulnerability and humiliation of being turned over a woman’s knee. Yes, it also has an erotic nature to it, especially when the spanking leads to play time. But make no mistake: not being a masochist, I do not enjoy the pain. So at least on a conscious level, I can’t say I ever deliberately misbehave just to receive a spanking.

So how about a few more imaginative ways to discipline or punish a problem sub hub. Hey, how about putting a lock on the cookie jar instead of you-know-what? No more homemade chocolate chip cookies! Or how about having hubby clean house au natural with a couple of bells tied to his tallywhacker while he recites Edgar Allen Poe:
…the swinging and the ringing… the jingling and the tinkling… the tintinnabulation that so musically wells from the bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells…

Incidentally, this photo shown is of an actual wind chime that was excavated from the ruins of Pompeii. Residents of that ancient city surely must have been a fun loving lot.

GoddessV got a new pair of shoes

But that’s really only a small part of a story that begins a few years ago when we first visited a small restaurant and cocktail lounge not far from where we live. Inside we met a friendly staff and a clientele that was mostly in our age bracket. The atmosphere was pleasant, the food was very good and the prices were reasonable. Later in the evening we slow danced to songs we requested from a husband/wife singing duo who entertained on the weekends. We were hooked.

Friday evenings at this establishment became a weekly routine for us. It was a date night so to speak that took us off the beaten path and away from our normal circle of friends. We got to know the manager, the bar tenders, the entertainers and many of the couples who also frequented the place. But we were still able to stay to ourselves and talk just to each other if that’s what we wanted. We could mingle with other couples when we wanted. We slow danced when we wanted, mostly with each other, but sometimes with others. Goddess V sometimes put on a show when the entertainers sang “Tequila Maker Her Clothes Come Off.” Friday nights were an outing we looked forward to each week. Then it all changed.

Management objectives changed in order to attract a younger crowd. The manager of the establishment was fired. Much of the staff left. Beer signs appeared on the walls. The dance floor was mostly covered with video machines. The singers were fired and replaced with young, loud bands. Goddess V and I soon stopped frequenting the place, and so did nearly all of the people we’d gotten to know there. For about a year and a half we lamented over what had happened and wished we could find another similar place were we could talk and dance and generally reconnect at the end of each week. We never found such a place. And then a minor miracle occurred.

This past Friday night found us back in our old stomping grounds. Quite unexpectedly. The singers were back. A friend or ours had been hired as the new manager. Many of the people we’d gotten to know turned out to kick off what we hope will be a return to what we all enjoyed so well. It was like old times. We ate, we drank, we talked, we laughed, we danced to some of our favorite songs. It was all so comfortable and familiar it felt as if we’d come back home.

For about five hours we were much more than a domme and her submissive. Of course that is what we are, but apart from our D/s relationship, we were a middle-aged married couple who enjoy each other’s company enough to be able to have fun together and be happy. And the fact that Goddess V was wearing a new pair of hot pink pumps certainly didn’t mar the evening. They did not go unnoticed by several of the men.

A V-day rant

Every week on my way back into town I stop and buy Goddess V a dozen roses. I used to get them from a florist, but now I get them from, of all places, a grocery store. Actually it's much more than a grocery store. They typically have at least 20 or 30 dozen in all colors to choose from. The price? A very affordable $9.99 plus 6% tax bringing the total to $10.59. And they are so fresh they normally last a week, sometimes 2 weeks, depending on the color and length of the stems.

Yesterday I stopped as part of my homecoming ritual only to find the price had jumped to $39.99. Simply because it was Valentine's Day. Goddess V and I had anticipated this would happen (thanks to good ole American capitalism), and she had told me to skip the flowers if the price was higher. And I did. I don't need an overly commercialized "holiday" as a reason to buy my wife flowers, or give her a greeting card. We give each other cards all the time. And sometimes, I create my own. Next week the roses will be back to their normal price and I will go back to my normal routine. I should probably add that I don't bring Goddess V flowers every week because I am her submissive. I did this before I'd even knew about wife-led marriage. Hmmm, maybe that was a clue.

Back in the saddle... err... cage again

Last Monday evening VK and I spent some time in our hot tub after dinner. Afterward, as usual, I left my wet towel laying on the floor of our bedroom, expecting him to take care of it—which he did. Then I went into our living room to watch some TV and do a crossword puzzle while VK stayed in our bedroom to fold two baskets of laundry he had done earlier. He was getting up at 4 am the following morning to go out of town, so when he finished the laundry he came into the living room to kiss me good-night. Standing in front of me he discretely pulled open the fly of his flannel lounging pants to reveal he had put on his CB3000. VK had run the hasp of the lock through the locking pin to temporarily hold everything together, but he hadn’t closed it. “Care to do the honors?” he asked.

It had been since last March that I’d worn my CD due to a series of health issues and surgeries. We hadn’t been using the device 24/7, but we were beginning to use it more regularly when my health issues came along. I’d had the CB3000 on again for the first time a couple of weeks ago, for five days as I recall, but had to remove it because it was chaffing too badly. I figured I’d give it another shot to see what happened.

Last Spring when Goddess V and I were talking about chastity, she said she didn’t want the chastity device thing to become a chore for her to concern herself with. She said while there would be times when she would instruct me to put my CD on, she saw no reason why I couldn’t take the lead on using it. For instance, when I was going out of town (knowing she likes it when I'm locked up), I should take it upon myself to put on the device without being instructed to do so, then simply ask her to install the lock. It felt a little awkward to me, almost as if I were topping from the bottom, but since Goddess V had suggested we handle it this way, that’s what I did. I also had to wait until the kids were upstairs so they couldn't see what was going on. I suppose it might have been nicer to have a more formal "locking ceremony", but as it was, she was pleasantly surprised, smiled at me and said, "Ewww, I LIKE it." Confirmation that the woman I worship was pleased made all the difference. I went to bed feeling good about the lock on my cock being a symbol of my submission to her.

Some dominant wives might think this is a lax way to deal with a husband’s chastity. I know that some favor the use of devices and some don’t. I’m kind of in the middle. I trust VK enough that I don’t feel as though we must use the CB3000 all the time. On the other hand, I kinda like seeing him locked up. It’s that hardware thing I’ve got going on. Those who do use a CD probably take a more hands-on approach than I do with VK. But truth be told, for me to constantly enforce my husband’s chastity with a device is a chore I don’t particularly what to be burdened with. I figure, why can’t it be like the laundry? VK knows it’s his job to do it without me telling him to. So why can’t he also lock himself up without being told.

A dominant woman I know wrote on her blog, “I think that orgasm control is a main tenet of a female led relationship. In the FLRs that I am aware of, almost every one that is successful includes orgasm control in some way. Some use the honor method and some use chastity devices. Personally, I am a fan of the chastity device concept. I don't trust a man not to cheat, and also I think that the device encourages the behavior that I expect from a man. Most submissive men I know both desire and fear this until they use one. And most I have talked to who have used them for a while wouldn't give them up.”

24/7 chastity is an intriguing idea—and I’m not saying this isn’t something I won’t decide I want in the future. My D/s experience is limited to my FLR with VeezKnight, but from what I’ve experience with him, I agree. I’m seeing there’s a lot to be said for enforced male chastity. One way or another, the more absolute a woman’s control over her husband’s orgasms the better… and I’m finding that the sub hub likes it as well. That's VK in the photo above, wearing boxers he designed and gave to me this Christmas. So what's that tell you? :)

This month on Around Her Finger, even Emily Addison, who is careful to steer clear of what some might consider to be kinkier sides of wife-led marriage advised a reader, “Take whatever measures are necessary to make certain he is not cheating on your orgasm management.” Even without her adding the bold typeface, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that she is really saying, even if you have to put a lock on that thing, make sure he isn’t taking care of himself on his own. When I’m out and about and wearing my CB3000, I constantly wonder how man other men are wearing a CD. Certainly not many, but that number may be increasing faster than we know as wives get wise to the many benefits of wife-led marriage.

The sign says it

This past Friday night I screwed up. I should have known better—and I DO know better. I guess you could say I just wasn’t thinking, even though at some level I knew damn well I was heading in the wrong direction at the time.

Goddess V had tried during the day on Friday to assemble a few couples to our home for drinks and parlor games that evening. Admittedly it was a last-minute deal and as it happened, she couldn’t connect with anyone. So we ended up going to our local watering hole for some dinner and a few drinks. Early on in the evening, two couples who Goddess V had tried to connect with walked in. They simply hadn’t gotten the messages Goddess V had left. Eventually the three ladies decided we’d leave the bar and go back to our house to play Pictionary.

One of the husbands didn’t really want to do that, and said so. This is where I screwed up. I sided more with my male friend who didn’t want to play Pictionary than I did with Goddess V, who of course DID want to play. Amongst the six of us it became one of those back-and-forth, we’re-going-we’re-not-going things. We ended up not going to our house, and the evening ended early with Goddess V paying our check and announcing she was leaving. Since she had the car keys, I had to make hasty good-byes to everyone in the bar to avoid having to walk home.

We didn’t talk during the 5-minute ride home and once inside we went to separate rooms. We ended up sleeping apart that night. The next morning about all we said to each other was, “good morning.” There was a point in our earlier relationship when this riff would have gone on, perhaps all weekend—or longer. This had been a huge problem in our earlier years together. Largely, I was the culprit, I guess because for some ridiculous reason, I found it easier to let silence and ill feelings prevail rather than to get into a confrontation--or worse--an admission of guilt.


Adopting a wife-led marriage has changed this in how we relate to each other, or rather, it’s helping to change this by making it easier for me to kiss up when I screw up. This has gone a long way toward directing us to a happier place. During the course of Saturday morning I went into the living room, knelt beside Goddess V and kissed her bare feet. I said that I was sorry for the way the night had gone. Then I beat a hasty retreat to the basement to work on a home improvement project. (Okay, so what if I'm afraid of her when she is angry at me.) Eventually she came downstairs twice to speak her mind. The first time she came down to say I should have supported her better despite what I or any of my friends wanted. This of course I already knew full-well.

The second time she came down she informed me that in her opinion, I too often assumed the submissive role in our marriage only when it was completely convenient for me. I knew she was right about this too and had been thinking about this all morning. She also told me that she had wanted to spank me but hadn’t because she was so angry she had been afraid she would have ended up hurting me. Hearing this, I wished she’d brought out the paddle anyway. It would have made it easier to atone for my screw up, and a few minutes of physical pain would have been easier to take than hours of thinking about, knowing and dwelling on how wrong I had been.

We face many moments in our lives when we must make decisions, to take or not to take certain actions. Often our choice seems inconsequential in the scheme of things, but another way of looking at it is to say we face a series of crossroads that collectively define in which direct our life travels. Goddess V and I faced a major crossroad when we decided to adopt an FLR. But with the weekend’s events, I am reminded that was not the only crossroad we will face in this lifestyle. Saying I want to be part of a FemDom marriage, and being submissive most of the time isn’t enough. Not for her. Not for me. I’m thinking that in order for Goddess V to fully embrace and wield her authority over me, she must know that she can absolutely depend on my respect for and submission to her authority—ALL of the time, not just when it’s convenient for me.

I feel bad in that this weekend I not only made Goddess V angry, I also let her down. But I do feel good in that at least I see where I went wrong and will make an effort to better live up to my half of our agreement. I don't wanna veer left or right simply because that direction seems to be more convenient for me. Straight ahead is where my true happiness lies.