His Collar


In a recent comment a reader said that when his wife fastens his collar around his neck, all pride and resistance melt away. I guess due to the season of year, I’ve been thinking about a time a few years ago when Goddess V was brainstorming about costumes we might wear to an upcoming Halloween party. This was before we talked about FemDom and about the time I’d begun reading about it. I mentioned this in an earlier post because some months later, as I was considering whether or not to approach her about this lifestyle, I thought about the incident and pondered its significance. Was it possible this woman was beyond “bossy,” with kinks that had yet to find their way to the surface? Could it be she already knew what she wanted and was testing me to gauge my reaction? At the very least, I interpreted it as an indication that she would be agreeable to trying this lifestyle.

Anyway, Goddess V suggested we might go to the Halloween party with me mostly naked wearing a collar and leash, and her in leather as a dominatrix. As I say, we had not discussed FemDom, and at that particular time, I had only begun considering that this might be the direction in which our relationship should go. I remember thinking at the time how odd it was that she should come up with such an idea out of the clear blue. Even more puzzling was how she ultimately discarded the idea-- not because it was too outlandish, or might raise too many eyebrows among friends at the party. Hell no! She tossed the idea because she figured that by the time Halloween arrived, it would probably be too cold for me to be wearing so little clothing. That’s what I love about my wife: she is always so considerate.

I have always had visions of leather, whips and collars. Nothing too outrageous, just some ideas of something fun and different in the bedroom. I believe when you have a vision of anything you can make it happen. And this is true for most things in life, not just a little kinky play in the bedroom. If you don’t keep the vision, you can pretty much figure it will never happen. Even though my mind has always conjured up these types of visions, I hadn’t come right out and talked about it with VK. If had when we first met, I might have scared him off. LOL. Actually, if I had, we’d probably have gotten into this lifestyle sooner and maybe saved ourselves some trials to our relationship. But things happen in their own time. I guess I was bound to live this lifestyle sooner or later. ☺

The costume suggestion immediately struck a chord with me. Yet as I recall, I tempered my reaction into something like, “Hmm, that’s an interesting idea.” We all know that completely open and honest communication between two people in a relationship is sometimes not easy. The costume idea faded away but the image it left in my mind surely did not. I thought about it often and realized that everything about it appealed to me on levels I had never before experienced. I believe many people dress up for Halloween not only for fun, but sometimes also as a way to live out a fantasy, or to be someone that everyday life or personal insecurities and inhibitions may not allow them to be. While I didn’t understand the appeal, I knew it was indicative of more than a desire to live out a fantasy or to be someone else for a few hours. My inner voice told me that the feelings it aroused within me were yet another sign pointing toward FemDom.

Odd thing about one’s inner voice. Is it ever wrong? I want to go way off on a tangent here, but best to wrap this up and save inner voice for another day.

Today there is a black leather slave collar in our bedroom that is far more than part of a Halloween costume. We don’t get to use it for more than an hour or two at a time here and there, but when Goddess V fastens it around my neck, it fits-- if you know what I mean. It fits because it’s part of who I am and because it’s a symbol of who Goddess V and I have become to each other. Collaring may be more a D/s activity than a necessity in a wife-led marriage, so for those who may find this objectionable, not to worry. For us however, it works. Not only does it push one of my submissive buttons, it also pleases Goddess V to see the change in me when she buckles it on.

VK is very submissive when I put that collar around his neck. I especially like the sound of the chain leash [evil grin]. I can see the look on his face change and his whole demeanor changes. It’s when he changes from being my knight to being my slave and I know then he is mine to do as I wish. I’m often still amazed at this but I gotta say I like the feeling of power and control—and how he trusts me totally. I know some people out there don’t share this vision and that is OK. But I think most submissive men (and I believe most men are) will react the same way to a collar. And if a woman finds this uncomfortable at first, she may find it fades away after a few times of collaring her slave and letting him know who is the Goddess! Generally speaking, a woman often thinks in terms of “keeping her man on a short leash.” All I can say is try it once with a real collar and leash—you might be amazed at what happens.

Hopefully one day (read: if and when ALL the kids EVER leave home, or we quietly move in the middle of the night and leave them no forwarding address) Goddess V will have me in a collar and on her leash for more extended periods. I’d like nothing better. I like how putting it on seems to pull me out of day-to-day vanilla life to ground me in what’s truly important in our relationship. It can be dangerously easy to lose sight of that. It causes me to wonder what would happen and how I would feel if I were in fact required to wear my collar more often. Goddess V says she finds it easier to dominate me when I am wearing my collar. Hmmm, could be one of those “be careful what you wish for” deals. Ya think?

[evil grin]

About what VK said about our inner voice. I believe that if you listen to that voice, you’ll never go wrong. I know you all know what I mean. There is always that little voice that keeps telling you what is right and wrong when you are trying to make a decision. I believe there are a lot of unhappy people out there-- and a big reason for this is they don’t listen to their inner voice. They don’t act on what it is telling them. Believe me, I’ve been there and done that, ignored the voice because I didn’t like what it was telling me. Some of you out there reading this are teetering back and forth about this lifestyle. It’s mostly men I guess trying to decide should I tell her or shouldn’t I. I can’t say yes or no. All I can say is, sit alone and listen to what that little voice is telling you. Then act on it.


Bonnie said...

I've meet a few people along the way in this lifestyle who's only outlet has been to 'play dress up'
Most women find it very hard to switch to the Femdom lifestyle thinking their partners perspective of them will be altered.
One thing I always suggested to newbies...is have a dress up night..that way the scene has a beginning and an end..giving them a starting point for further discussion. dressing up allows you 'act' the role rather than being the role.(Women find this a comfort till they find their own style)
Thank you for sharing Goddess and VK I love the back and forth blogger style you have so much to offer the community.

Collar N cuffs