Sometimes when I review in my mind something I thought I already knew and understood, I find that a change must have occurred in the way I think. The result is that my thought process leads me into new and sometimes surprising directions. And I think to myself, “I’m a smart man, so why did I not see this before?” Consider SEX for example. Or more specifically, the act of sexual intercourse between a woman and a man. Here's a subject most of us know and pretty much understand… or do we?
It's pretty basic when you analyze the act itself. Penetrating a woman’s vagina with his penis feels good to a man. This causes him to want to do just that. Duh, no brainer there. Stroking it in and out feels even better, which again makes him want to do just that. Each thrust brings greater and greater pleasure until he eventually ejaculates. A valve opens somewhere allowing those seven or so spasms that force semen from his body, each one bringing a sense of euphoria the male has only to experience one time in order to want to feel it again and again and again. Boys being what they are, chances are pretty good most males learn about the magic of an orgasm well before they have the opportunity to deposit their seed inside a female. Yet despite evidence that the best feeling orgasms are self-induced, experiencing orgasm courtesy of a woman’s vagina is still the preferred stimulus. In the male’s mind anyway.
Were a woman’s vagina a hostile vessel, and penetrating her felt like poking one’s organ into a snug-fitting tube of sandpaper, she’d no doubt need to pay a man to penetrate her. And if the spasms of ejaculation brought with them excruciating pain, such as, say, having a tooth extracted without novocaine, you can bet most men would avoid intercourse like the plague, and masturbation would be practiced by only the purist of masochists. Obviously then, Mother Nature knew what she was doing when she engineered the human sex act. At least from the male’s point of view. But what about the female?
Through the ages then, largely because it feels so damn good to ejaculate, males have been enticed into perpetuating the species. We want to do it at every opportunity with every woman who is willing. And when we can’t, we are quite adept at and not reluctant to take matters into our own hands. Since Mother Nature also gave us brains capable of thought and reason, the act of intercourse and subsequent ejaculation took on a purpose that made procreation secondary if not unwanted altogether. That purpose is FUN. As a result, humans appear to be the only species that engages in sex for the shear fun of it. But fun for whom?
The male gender of a species is often more colorful in order to attract and impress the female. It’s the female who decides which male she will take for a mate. A woman needs to be romanced. She has a myriad of buttons that need to be pushed, gages that must be interpreted and dials that need to be twiddled just so in order for her to be receptive, in order for her to be “in the mood”. A man has no such complexity. He has but a single switch: ON/OFF. A woman, when she finally does get her motor running, can orgasm repeatedly. A man cannot. In surveys, many women report they don’t typically reach orgasm through intercourse alone, whereas it’s a rare man who does not reach orgasm during intercourse. A woman takes longer to achieve orgasm (7 minutes?) A man can achieve it in, well let’s just say that many women will attest that though the days of the American Revolution are long past, there remains no shortage of Minutemen.
A woman doesn’t reach the zenith of her sexual desire until after her prime child-bearing years have ended, whereas the male’s sexual peak coincides with those years. He is horny as hell at a time when she is less likely to be receptive to frequent sexual advances due to the mental and physical rigors of raising children. Is this wide disparity between female and male sexuality Mother Nature’s cruel joke, or did She perhaps have another scheme in mind? It stands to reason that in the grand design, it could very well be that Mother Nature intended for women to control sex. When you think about it, whether or not one sees any validity in female-led relationships, this makes a whole lot more sense. Given this, considering that Nature wired men to be so preoccupied with sex, then it doesn’t take much of a mental leap to see that by giving women control of sex, Nature intended for women to also control (dominate) men.
Think about that. I sure have.
2 comments:
VK,
You are such a skilled writer. Your breadth of knowledge and command of language are powerful.
I hope that I will not offend you by bringing to light some information about which you may not be aware.
For many years, I misunderstood the submissive impulses within my psyche. I was deeply moved by the image of the cruel dominatrix and pleaded with my wife to play that role in the bedroom. For many years, she begrudgingly did so, and did not enjoy it at all.
About two years ago, I heard something on the Discovery Health Channel's Berman and Berman regarding Tantra. I began investigating and found myself purchasing around 40 books and as many DVDs as well. At first, I found it beyond belief that male orgasm and ejaculation are two completely separate phenomena, and that men can have multiple ejaculations as long as they do not ejaculate. For the male who has incomplete mastry over his own mind and body, the onset of orgasm is quickly followed by the triggering of ejaculation. The unlearned does not perceive and distinguish between the two. And yet, it does not have to be that way. After only three or so attempts to follow the Tantric techniques, I discovered that separating orgasm and ejaculation is far easier than it seems.
Eventually my wife brought me to as many as seven consecutive orgasms over a period of an hour. The orgasms began at a relatively low intensity and built to an intensity considerably higher than any ejaculatory orgasm I had previously experienced. They ranged from one to seven minutes in length while I stayed at what can be called an pre-orgasmic plateau between the peaks. All of these were achieved through Tantric massage. I never have mastered Tantric non-ejaculatory orgasm while in intercourse, though it is said that Tantric masters can sit partnered in the Lotus position and experience a continual orgasm four hours in length.
Through Tantra, my Wife also learned to have intense and lengthy multiple orgasms. She has had individual orgasms which lasted 15 minutes and at other times has stayed in a state of peak and valley orgasm for as long as 55 minutes, including female ejaculation during the most intense peaks. This was achieved through manual massage for the first several peaks, followed by cunillingus, then a simultaneous technique of clitoral stimulation with one hand and the G-spot with the other.
During this period of exploring Tantra, my desire for BDSM diminished. Then, about a year ago, I read Elise Sutton's Female Domination. I suddenly realized how I had for so many decades misinterpreted my neeed to submit to my wife. I had never been introduced to the correct model. Quickly I devoured the works of Abernathy, Misato, the Addisons, and numerous other online sources advocating LFA/FLR. I had now truly found myself. I have not asked for nor received BDSM since. My Wife is enthralled at being Queen of the relationship, with me serving her as a knight.
No longer do I receive Tantric massage. Instead, I am teased and denied. Occasionally, my Queen will impale herself upon me, bring me to edge several times, then draw away before I can ejaculate, leaving me with incredible pent up desire. Rarely, she will bring me to ejaculation, but then clinch her labia, climb atop my face, and have me consume my own creampie, which returns me to the proper state of humility and submission.
For her, however, most weekends will find her being given a long luxurious bath, followed by couples yoga and a long full body massage, both to engender the necessary mindset for the hour and a half of Tantric massage which follows.
And so I learned, and for a short period experienced, male multiple orgasm sans ejaculation. There is a western method through which the male can so strengthen the PC muscles that he simply "clamps down" during orgasm so that there is no ejaculation. The Tantric, or if one prefers, eastern, method involves the opposite. Deep yogic meditation calms the nerves and mucsles to such a placid state that the orgasm is felt throughout the entire body and mind while the ejaculatory reflexes do not begin their series of contractions. Specific breathing and visualization techniques help draw the orgasmic energy upward from the genitals to the mind. The pleasure in the genitals does not so much dissipate as that the pleasure one begins experiencing in the mind itself begins to supersede the genital pleasure. The focus begins to center on the orgasm happening within the brain moreso than the feeling in the genitals.
Part of the beauty of Tantra is that men are taught that they must embrace their femenine energy while women are taught to embrace their masculine energy: the banance of Ying and Yang. Tantra advocates that the healthy male does not expend his chi, or life force, through ejaculation. Instead he soars to incredible heights of extacy, yet never crashes to those self absorbed empty places that the French refer to as "le petit noir."
Again, I seek not to offend or discredit you by bringing this knowledge. I, myself, did not believe male multiple orgasm could occur until I experienced it. One would think it astounding that it is so little known in the west. But then, ours is not a society that encourages a man to "embrace his feminine side," or to withhold his semen. Instead we are taught to be macho and agressive, that a husband jumps atop a woman, dominates her, and plants his seed within.
Tantra and LFA have many commonalities. I have no doubt that you and your Queen would be as enthralled by its exploration as we.
qk1,
Thanks for sharing this here. I am aware of Tantric sex although I have never practiced it myself. While it may be possible to short circuit our physiology, I think the vast majority of men equate ejaculation with orgasm and will continue to do so.
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