A slave to the dollar


Going forward, if this blog is to be of better use to readers, I think it would be beneficial to place less emphasis on the theory of Loving Female Authority, and more emphasis on personal, real-world application of the lifestyle. Namely, that of yours truly. There is no shortage of sources outlining the ABCs of LFA, and while this is helpful from a purely informational standpoint, a pitfall is that one may be led into thinking, “This is how a real FLR should be. I should be doing all the housework,” or, “She should be handling all the finances.” This is where a look at how Goddess V and I work together in our marriage may hopefully create some balance. Its not meant to be a recipe for the perfect FemDom marriage, but merely a glimpse at how we interact as domme and submissive, and a few snapshots illustrating some of what we’ve learned thus far in our D/s relationship.

Across cyber space in the Venus on Top group, one of the male members counseled a fellow submissive that he should unequivocally relinquish all personal wealth as well as responsibility for finances to his mistress. He was probably parroting something he’d read on one FemDom site or another, that only then could a man know the peace of a “true” FLR. In response to this advice, QueenBee Debbie, a female moderator of this group, angrily aimed her stinger at this notion. I recall thinking to myself when I first read the man’s post, that some men seem to have an amazingly myopic view of what should comprise “proper behavior” of a submissive male. It did my heart good to read that a dominant woman agreed.

We’ve all read about the submissive male who either does not work or has direct deposit into an account to which he has no access. Furthermore, all possessions, house, cars, investments, even the toaster and lawnmower are in his lady’s name. He gets only a meager allowance that she determines. Being a total financial slave may be a noble notion, even romantic to some submissive men. But in reality, its downright impractical if not imbecilic. I won’t bother with running down the many, many reasons for this. If you can’t pull at least a half a dozen from your gray matter on your own, then you’re not likely to be convinced of this anyway. I suspect I’ll incur the wrath of a few “true” male subs when I say that I’d guess there are about as many real-world submissive men who actually practice total financial servitude as who eat dinner from a dog dish and sleep in a cage at the foot of the bed.

Having said all that, now I’ll tell you that Goddess V controls most of the money in our relationship. LOL. We both work fulltime. I would have no problem staying at home to keep house, but I earn more than twice what she earns. My pay is deposited directly into joint checking and savings accounts from which Goddess V pays all the bills electronically and sets aside what she can for our future (which she will tell you is getting harder and harder these days with the escalating cost of living). I get a weekly allowance that often allows me to stash away ten or twenty bucks for a rainy day. That rainy day typically comes round nearly every few weeks when for one of a thousand reasons, money for the week is tighter than usual. We operate on a cash basis as much as possible, but we both carry plastic. I may not use my credit cards or my debit card unless I check with Goddess V.

We eat out more than we should and when we do, Goddess V nearly always pays the check. (She often orders for me as well.) In fact, when we do anything that costs money, she normally pays. We usually discuss large purchases, but I must tell you that she arranged the last two large buys which were both automobiles. One of them is in my name, the other is in both names because it meant getting a better interest rate versus putting it in just hers. Goddess V arranged the refi on our home last year, and added my name to the deed in the process. She also made all of the vacation arrangements and took care of associated expenses, but after I researched and recommended the resort. When it comes to home decorating and remodeling, I pretty much have carte blanche, provided I listen to her ideas first, then put my creative spin on her vision.

Regardless of our respective dominant and submissive roles, it’s a toss up as to which of us is best suited to handle the finances in our marriage. Both of us are reasonably intelligent and have a healthy respect for what a dollar can and cannot buy. But neither of us is overly smart with money either. Were that true, we wouldn’t still be working at this stage of our lives. Money is nearly always an issue in one way or another. As with many marriages, vanilla or otherwise, if we are going to argue about something, it will typically be about… you guessed it. I get more cranked up over it than she. Though dominant and submissive, we are no different than the majority of working people: there never seems to be quite enough money by one standard, yet always just enough by another. Maddening how that works. It’s almost as if it were planned, is it not?


oldbear said...

HI VK, thank you for a realistic post with common sense about a stupid fantasy that lots of subbies have.

I am for whomever is best with money administering it, but in most modern households women make the majority of the buying decisions anyhow.

Funny how almost all people in vanilla marriage hate to manage the finances, plan the monthly expenses, and reconcile the statement to the checkbook(s).

Yet subbies somehow think it would be desireable to the mythical "average domme lady" to do those things :-) !!

I think most rational Femdom couples use the small allowance and ask for plastic use permission model for controlling male financial affairs.

Thanks for the reality shot! OB

Anonymous said...

I agree, although the relationship my wife and I share would not be considered D/s, she does indeed control the finances. I get an allowance, although I would not call it meager. I do have a $100 max on any credit card purchase, or else I have to ask permission. She makes the decisions, I praise her intelligent choices.

Mark said...


Nice to see your blog back. Well done post about finances in a FLR. Your thoughts make so much more sense than the fantasy ideas that many femdom sites spout about.

Cheers, MG

Peter said...

Great to see your back as i think you have one of the most realistic attitudes to FLR into which i am introducing my Wife.

I agree totally with your last post and money management, though to be honest this does not bother my Wife.