"What we've got here is...


…failure to communicate."

A well-known announcement to prisoners by “Captain” (Strother Martin as prison warden) about Luke (Paul Newman) in the 1967 movie classic, Cool Hand Luke.

I’m not a Doctor Phil fan (for those of you who know who he is) but last week I happened to see one of his relationship “tips for the day.” It made a great deal of sense to me. He said, “If you think that relationships require work, you’re right: the answer is YES!” He went on to say that the quality of a relationship between a woman and a man can be measured in how well that relationship meets the needs of both individuals.

It takes effort (work) to understand who your partner is as a person and to learn about her/his needs as both an individual and as a partner inside a relationship. It also takes patience and a willingness to compromise when the needs of two people don’t exactly match up. And THIS requires open, honest, continued communication.

During a late evening chat in our hot tub last night, Goddess V said, “I don’t think too many couples talk the way we do, about all the things we talk about.” Understand, it’s not that we are perfect in this regard. Sometimes it takes us a while to discuss something that might be weighing on our mind. Eventually it surfaces however, and we talk. In discussion with other couples we know, it is obvious to us that they do not communicate the way we do.

It wasn’t always this way for us. Goddess V tells me she seldom had long conversations with her ex, about anything. I on the other hand often talked long into evening hours with my ex, but about mostly the wrong things. Looking back on it, I suspect that in both marriages, none of us ever really understood each other in terms of our needs as spouses or as individuals. That’s a sad commentary considering that collectively, our two previous relationships spanned nearly 50 years of our lives.

Why it is different for Goddess V and me I am not exactly sure, but I’m not about to question it. It makes me feel especially blessed when I read or hear about couples who have a pink elephant in their living room and neither partner is willing to acknowledge or address it. In some cases, one spouse knows the elephant is there while the other has no clue. It could be that’s the worst scenario of all. When you consider this in terms of Dr. Phil’s advice, it doesn’t say too much about the quality of the relationship itself. And all simply because people don’t, won’t, can’t or are afraid to communicate honesty about what’s truly important to them.

I assume that readers of this blog are here because they are considering, beginning, would like to be, or are actually in a FemDom relationship. I’m not a psychologist, but based on my experience, I would urge you to open the lines of communication—especially if they are currently clogged with worries, fears, insecurities and the like. Having been in both situations, I can assure you that being in a relationship in which my spouse knows what’s on my mind, and I know what’s on hers, is infinitely more satisfying, even if we don’t always agree or fully understand.