Gimme a Sign

I’ve read many times where, mostly submissive men, have expressed a desire for a universal symbol signifying FemDom and Female Leadership. I think having such a sign or symbol is a terrific idea, one that’s way past due I might add. Most men, women and couples who practice this lifestyle aren’t out there advertising the fact, electing to keep it part of their private lives. So a FemDom symbol that’s known by men and women who are amenable toward female authority, leadership and dominance would make it easier to identify one another.

For single people, it would surely make dating so much easier. No more wondering or worrying over how or when to drop the F or S-bombs. It would also make it easier for couples to network. Many have no local FemDom groups they can join for support. Others are hesitant or too intimidated to join a group. Goddess V and I have often seen another couple who, for one reason or another, we suspect might be into this lifestyle. Yet we never know for sure. If we did, we’d be more likely to mention the subject to compare notes and generally support each other.

Sadly, to my knowledge, so far no one has come up with a symbol that has caught on. It’s been said that a married women who wears an ankle bracelet and a wedding ring is signaling that she cuckolds her husband. I suppose that may have been true at one time (although I seriously doubt it), but judging by the number of women I see wearing anklets these days, it certainly couldn’t be true any longer. Even if it were still true, there’s no symbol for the rest of the women and men who comprise the majority of the FemDom ranks.

On Elise Sutton’s website there has been discussion about this over the years. A few suggestions have been tendered but nothing has ever become of it. Recently a reader wrote to mention a website where someone has designed and posted downloadable symbols that represent the D/S lifestyle. There are separate symbols for male and female dominants, male and female submissives and also a flag to signify the D/S lifestyle in general. A great deal of thought and reasoning went into the designs, but to me, from a FemDom or FLR point of view, they don’t quite fill the bill. FemDom by definition involves D/S (dominance/submission). The female dominates. However the general D/S lifestyle makes no distinction between male or female dominance. I think it is essential that any symbol representing FemDom should clearly express male submission to female dominance. So I took a crack at it myself.


I wanted a design that incorporates both symbols for male and female. After all, FemDom and Female Leadership is all about man and woman coming together in a caring and loving relationship. So this symbol draws on elements that are already known to all. The female gender symbol by the way is derived from the astronomical symbol for the planet Venus, the cross represents the hand mirror of Venus, Roman goddess of love and beauty. I simply rotated the symbol so that the cross that is normally at the bottom of the circle is now at the top. This puts the female in the position of authority where she belongs (think “Venus on Top”).

The male gender symbol is derived from the astronomical symbol for the planet Mars. The arrow, which traditionally is positioned on the upper right side of the circle, represents the spear of Mars, Roman god of war, who was originally the Roman god of fertility, protector of cattle, fields and boundaries. In my version the arrow no long juts outward at a jaunty angle like an erect penis. Instead it is repositioned inside the circle to represent being encompassed (or collared if you prefer) by female authority. In submission, the penis now points downward to signify female control over the male’s sexuality.

I wanted my FemDom symbol to represent female love and beauty, embracing, yet containing and controlling male intrepid sexuality and bold demeanor. I purposely did not join the three elements because I wanted to convey dominant/submissive individuality. It’s only when they appear in relationship to one another that they read together to define and compliment each other’s respective dominant and submissive roles.


In addition, if you remove the arrow, the symbol still reads well as being a symbol for the female. On the other hand, if you remove the cross leaving only arrow inside the circle, it looks more like an elevator “down” button than a symbol for the male gender. That’s appropriate considering how the male’s demeanor tends to be more base-oriented than a female’s. It’s also indicative of how the female is more capable of maintaining her identity and a sense of purpose in the absence of the male, more so than the male can in the absence of the female. Only when the cross is present does it become clear that this symbol incorporates traditional male and female elements. In my mind, this perfectly illustrates how introduction of female influence helps define the male’s identity.

A woman notices the guy seated next to her is wearing cufflinks on which the FemDom symbol is embossed. Or he notices she is woman wearing a FemDom charm on her bracelet or anklet. Or on a pair of sterling silver dangly earrings. A submissive husband wears a stamped gold ingot on a chain around his neck as a symbolic collar. A dominant wife gives her husband a logo’d coffee mug so that every time he takes a sip of his favorite beverage he’s reminded of who is in charge in their marriage. How about a T-shirt or beach towel? A bumper or window sticker on the car? A garden flag on the front lawn? Sports gear for workouts at the local fitness center? A line of log’d bedroom toys and leather gear? And for the not too faint-of-heart, an unobtrusive tattoo on the forearm or ankle?

I know, wishful thinking... and damn naïve at best. Whatchya’ll think?