Gimme a Sign


I’ve read many times where, mostly submissive men, have expressed a desire for a universal symbol signifying FemDom and Female Leadership. I think having such a sign or symbol is a terrific idea, one that’s way past due I might add. Most men, women and couples who practice this lifestyle aren’t out there advertising the fact, electing to keep it part of their private lives. So a FemDom symbol that’s known by men and women who are amenable toward female authority, leadership and dominance would make it easier to identify one another.

For single people, it would surely make dating so much easier. No more wondering or worrying over how or when to drop the F or S-bombs. It would also make it easier for couples to network. Many have no local FemDom groups they can join for support. Others are hesitant or too intimidated to join a group. Goddess V and I have often seen another couple who, for one reason or another, we suspect might be into this lifestyle. Yet we never know for sure. If we did, we’d be more likely to mention the subject to compare notes and generally support each other.

Sadly, to my knowledge, so far no one has come up with a symbol that has caught on. It’s been said that a married women who wears an ankle bracelet and a wedding ring is signaling that she cuckolds her husband. I suppose that may have been true at one time (although I seriously doubt it), but judging by the number of women I see wearing anklets these days, it certainly couldn’t be true any longer. Even if it were still true, there’s no symbol for the rest of the women and men who comprise the majority of the FemDom ranks.

On Elise Sutton’s website there has been discussion about this over the years. A few suggestions have been tendered but nothing has ever become of it. Recently a reader wrote to mention a website where someone has designed and posted downloadable symbols that represent the D/S lifestyle. There are separate symbols for male and female dominants, male and female submissives and also a flag to signify the D/S lifestyle in general. A great deal of thought and reasoning went into the designs, but to me, from a FemDom or FLR point of view, they don’t quite fill the bill. FemDom by definition involves D/S (dominance/submission). The female dominates. However the general D/S lifestyle makes no distinction between male or female dominance. I think it is essential that any symbol representing FemDom should clearly express male submission to female dominance. So I took a crack at it myself.

I wanted a design that incorporates both symbols for male and female. After all, FemDom and Female Leadership is all about man and woman coming together in a caring and loving relationship. So this symbol draws on elements that are already known to all. The female gender symbol by the way is derived from the astronomical symbol for the planet Venus, the cross represents the hand mirror of Venus, Roman goddess of love and beauty. I simply rotated the symbol so that the cross that is normally at the bottom of the circle is now at the top. This puts the female in the position of authority where she belongs (think “Venus on Top”).

The male gender symbol is derived from the astronomical symbol for the planet Mars. The arrow, which traditionally is positioned on the upper right side of the circle, represents the spear of Mars, Roman god of war, who was originally the Roman god of fertility, protector of cattle, fields and boundaries. In my version the arrow no long juts outward at a jaunty angle like an erect penis. Instead it is repositioned inside the circle to represent being encompassed (or collared if you prefer) by female authority. In submission, the penis now points downward to signify female control over the male’s sexuality.

I wanted my FemDom symbol to represent female love and beauty, embracing, yet containing and controlling male intrepid sexuality and bold demeanor. I purposely did not join the three elements because I wanted to convey dominant/submissive individuality. It’s only when they appear in relationship to one another that they read together to define and compliment each other’s respective dominant and submissive roles.

In addition, if you remove the arrow, the symbol still reads well as being a symbol for the female. On the other hand, if you remove the cross leaving only arrow inside the circle, it looks more like an elevator “down” button than a symbol for the male gender. That’s appropriate considering how the male’s demeanor tends to be more base-oriented than a female’s. It’s also indicative of how the female is more capable of maintaining her identity and a sense of purpose in the absence of the male, more so than the male can in the absence of the female. Only when the cross is present does it become clear that this symbol incorporates traditional male and female elements. In my mind, this perfectly illustrates how introduction of female influence helps define the male’s identity.

A woman notices the guy seated next to her is wearing cufflinks on which the FemDom symbol is embossed. Or he notices she is woman wearing a FemDom charm on her bracelet or anklet. Or on a pair of sterling silver dangly earrings. A submissive husband wears a stamped gold ingot on a chain around his neck as a symbolic collar. A dominant wife gives her husband a logo’d coffee mug so that every time he takes a sip of his favorite beverage he’s reminded of who is in charge in their marriage. How about a T-shirt or beach towel? A bumper or window sticker on the car? A garden flag on the front lawn? Sports gear for workouts at the local fitness center? A line of log’d bedroom toys and leather gear? And for the not too faint-of-heart, an unobtrusive tattoo on the forearm or ankle?

I know, wishful thinking... and damn naïve at best. Whatchya’ll think?


jssubc said...

It has been a while since you last posted and i was getting concerned, boy am i glad i waited.
i think this is a FABULOUS idea!
i even like your design.
In the book "Tipping Point" the author goes to great pains to illustrate how a few people can create a great trend and i for one think this is a trend worth creating. i hope you dint mind my mentioning this post on my blog.
Have you considered sending this to Cafe Press? This seems like something they would consider to go along with their other Femdom items.
Anyway, thanks for the great idea and post.

Anonymous said...

I like the idea behind the symbol and allot of thought, love and care has gone into it... but sorry.. being honest.. I find the symbol to look to religious..looking to based on the 'cross' is off putting to allot of non religious people,and might be easily mistaken as such.
what is wrong with the already well established and recognized D/s emblem if a woman or man (in the scene) can't ask are you a top or a bottom(after noticing the emblem) they shouldn't be doing what they are!!!!!!!
Vs-knight I don't mean any offense as most of the time I agree with you wholeheartedly and admire your dedication to your Lady. But the already existing symbol is worn, displayed everywhere from coffee cups to bumpers and is very widely accepted by the world wide Femdom community. In fact the Triskelion is an ancient symbol used by many cultures that have since faded into obsurity leaving this symbol wholy ours.The BDSM emblem has no "obvious" symbolism because it was created to be enigmatic. To the vanilla observer who would be put off by BDSM, it is merely an active design.
If we as a group, under the banner of Femdom branch out in separate sects we will loose the ability to reach a vast amount of people interested in the lifestyle.
for those of you that don't know the 'BDSM' Emblem or google BDSM emblem for many more places to find it.

I have found this works We have it on our key chains, I wear it around my neck so does my Oz, It is on a window in my house. the only people that have ever commented on it have been BDSMers. Its also found on most Femdom, Femdom contact sites, and Femdom information sites.

Mistressjen said...

I agree with EVERYONE!

I love the symbol idea. I am not in love with that particular design.

No. Offense. Intended.

This is My favorite:

Mistressjen said...

I don't think the link came through so I am posting it with returns in it:

Queen'sKnight1 said...

It appears that you have been following the threads on the following forum which have been running for the past couple of weeks on the Female Led Relationships board. Quite a few ideas on this exact topic have been posted there during the past week and a half. Some of the design ideas are quite stunning.

I have to insert one space in this URL so it will wrap at the margins, otherwise, it's too long and will not all show in this narrow column. In order to reach the address, paste the two following lines consecutively into "Open Location" then remove the space prior to clicking "go".

Anonymous said...

Sorry, VK, but I have to agree with Bonnie. Despite the mixed symbolism of the various designs, I suspect that the most recent and obvious symbolism (i.e., Christianity) is going to the be the first thing that comes to mind for most people.

The chess thing was cute, but perhaps a bit too obscure.

I'm not a member at the FLR board, so I couldn't view the link.

That said, I do like the fact that people are working on something; it means that the concept is becoming widespread enough to become a recognized sub-culture.

And nice to see that you haven't dropped off the net entirely.

The Edge of Vanilla

Queen'sKnight1 said...

Tom Allen (and others),

I would urge you to consider joining the Female Led Relationships discussion board. There is a wonderful sense of comraderie there among dominant wives and submissive husbands. The tone is very positive and it is a place where those in this lifestyle can feel among kindred minds. It is a place of both learning and support.

iobey said...

I like it. It's simple, direct and intriguing. I'd love to have cufflinks with the logo. Of course, what would be more exciting is when and if a woman asked about them. I'd have quite an answer for her.

Interestingly enough, I drive a Volvo and the logo, of course, for the car company is the men/mars logo. Volvo says, officially, it stands for 'iron'. Ok.

blueboys729 said...

I also like the idea of the Femdom symbol. However, the Female symbol needs to be in it's proper alignment, otherwise it looks like a religious icon. The male symbol inside is good and can point downward for reasons stated earlier. Or, the male symbol could be positioned inside, at its original right facing 45 degree angle. This would make it even more apparent that it is the male that has been subsumed by the female, which is obviously the dominant symbol.

男又 said...

Based on your inspiration. Here's my design at ccmale

helpmate hubby said...

I Love it, I hope you won'y mind my using it sometimes on my blog.I'll be sure and give you credit for the creation.

Princess Kiki said...

no posts in a while.the blog is good. I will check back later

Anonymous said...


I was searching the net to find a symbol like the one you designed.

I will be spreading its use very soon.

Anonymous said...

Here is something i did inspired in your symbol! I pretend to use it on the internet is it okay ?

This is the B&W version though if you wan't the original send me an email

Anonymous said...

sorry.. seems i got it wrong..

here :

If it doesnt work just type the address on the comment above ^_^