A V-day rant

Every week on my way back into town I stop and buy Goddess V a dozen roses. I used to get them from a florist, but now I get them from, of all places, a grocery store. Actually it's much more than a grocery store. They typically have at least 20 or 30 dozen in all colors to choose from. The price? A very affordable $9.99 plus 6% tax bringing the total to $10.59. And they are so fresh they normally last a week, sometimes 2 weeks, depending on the color and length of the stems.

Yesterday I stopped as part of my homecoming ritual only to find the price had jumped to $39.99. Simply because it was Valentine's Day. Goddess V and I had anticipated this would happen (thanks to good ole American capitalism), and she had told me to skip the flowers if the price was higher. And I did. I don't need an overly commercialized "holiday" as a reason to buy my wife flowers, or give her a greeting card. We give each other cards all the time. And sometimes, I create my own. Next week the roses will be back to their normal price and I will go back to my normal routine. I should probably add that I don't bring Goddess V flowers every week because I am her submissive. I did this before I'd even knew about wife-led marriage. Hmmm, maybe that was a clue.

Back in the saddle... err... cage again

Last Monday evening VK and I spent some time in our hot tub after dinner. Afterward, as usual, I left my wet towel laying on the floor of our bedroom, expecting him to take care of it—which he did. Then I went into our living room to watch some TV and do a crossword puzzle while VK stayed in our bedroom to fold two baskets of laundry he had done earlier. He was getting up at 4 am the following morning to go out of town, so when he finished the laundry he came into the living room to kiss me good-night. Standing in front of me he discretely pulled open the fly of his flannel lounging pants to reveal he had put on his CB3000. VK had run the hasp of the lock through the locking pin to temporarily hold everything together, but he hadn’t closed it. “Care to do the honors?” he asked.

It had been since last March that I’d worn my CD due to a series of health issues and surgeries. We hadn’t been using the device 24/7, but we were beginning to use it more regularly when my health issues came along. I’d had the CB3000 on again for the first time a couple of weeks ago, for five days as I recall, but had to remove it because it was chaffing too badly. I figured I’d give it another shot to see what happened.

Last Spring when Goddess V and I were talking about chastity, she said she didn’t want the chastity device thing to become a chore for her to concern herself with. She said while there would be times when she would instruct me to put my CD on, she saw no reason why I couldn’t take the lead on using it. For instance, when I was going out of town (knowing she likes it when I'm locked up), I should take it upon myself to put on the device without being instructed to do so, then simply ask her to install the lock. It felt a little awkward to me, almost as if I were topping from the bottom, but since Goddess V had suggested we handle it this way, that’s what I did. I also had to wait until the kids were upstairs so they couldn't see what was going on. I suppose it might have been nicer to have a more formal "locking ceremony", but as it was, she was pleasantly surprised, smiled at me and said, "Ewww, I LIKE it." Confirmation that the woman I worship was pleased made all the difference. I went to bed feeling good about the lock on my cock being a symbol of my submission to her.

Some dominant wives might think this is a lax way to deal with a husband’s chastity. I know that some favor the use of devices and some don’t. I’m kind of in the middle. I trust VK enough that I don’t feel as though we must use the CB3000 all the time. On the other hand, I kinda like seeing him locked up. It’s that hardware thing I’ve got going on. Those who do use a CD probably take a more hands-on approach than I do with VK. But truth be told, for me to constantly enforce my husband’s chastity with a device is a chore I don’t particularly what to be burdened with. I figure, why can’t it be like the laundry? VK knows it’s his job to do it without me telling him to. So why can’t he also lock himself up without being told.

A dominant woman I know wrote on her blog, “I think that orgasm control is a main tenet of a female led relationship. In the FLRs that I am aware of, almost every one that is successful includes orgasm control in some way. Some use the honor method and some use chastity devices. Personally, I am a fan of the chastity device concept. I don't trust a man not to cheat, and also I think that the device encourages the behavior that I expect from a man. Most submissive men I know both desire and fear this until they use one. And most I have talked to who have used them for a while wouldn't give them up.”

24/7 chastity is an intriguing idea—and I’m not saying this isn’t something I won’t decide I want in the future. My D/s experience is limited to my FLR with VeezKnight, but from what I’ve experience with him, I agree. I’m seeing there’s a lot to be said for enforced male chastity. One way or another, the more absolute a woman’s control over her husband’s orgasms the better… and I’m finding that the sub hub likes it as well. That's VK in the photo above, wearing boxers he designed and gave to me this Christmas. So what's that tell you? :)

This month on Around Her Finger, even Emily Addison, who is careful to steer clear of what some might consider to be kinkier sides of wife-led marriage advised a reader, “Take whatever measures are necessary to make certain he is not cheating on your orgasm management.” Even without her adding the bold typeface, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that she is really saying, even if you have to put a lock on that thing, make sure he isn’t taking care of himself on his own. When I’m out and about and wearing my CB3000, I constantly wonder how man other men are wearing a CD. Certainly not many, but that number may be increasing faster than we know as wives get wise to the many benefits of wife-led marriage.

The sign says it

This past Friday night I screwed up. I should have known better—and I DO know better. I guess you could say I just wasn’t thinking, even though at some level I knew damn well I was heading in the wrong direction at the time.

Goddess V had tried during the day on Friday to assemble a few couples to our home for drinks and parlor games that evening. Admittedly it was a last-minute deal and as it happened, she couldn’t connect with anyone. So we ended up going to our local watering hole for some dinner and a few drinks. Early on in the evening, two couples who Goddess V had tried to connect with walked in. They simply hadn’t gotten the messages Goddess V had left. Eventually the three ladies decided we’d leave the bar and go back to our house to play Pictionary.

One of the husbands didn’t really want to do that, and said so. This is where I screwed up. I sided more with my male friend who didn’t want to play Pictionary than I did with Goddess V, who of course DID want to play. Amongst the six of us it became one of those back-and-forth, we’re-going-we’re-not-going things. We ended up not going to our house, and the evening ended early with Goddess V paying our check and announcing she was leaving. Since she had the car keys, I had to make hasty good-byes to everyone in the bar to avoid having to walk home.

We didn’t talk during the 5-minute ride home and once inside we went to separate rooms. We ended up sleeping apart that night. The next morning about all we said to each other was, “good morning.” There was a point in our earlier relationship when this riff would have gone on, perhaps all weekend—or longer. This had been a huge problem in our earlier years together. Largely, I was the culprit, I guess because for some ridiculous reason, I found it easier to let silence and ill feelings prevail rather than to get into a confrontation--or worse--an admission of guilt.


Adopting a wife-led marriage has changed this in how we relate to each other, or rather, it’s helping to change this by making it easier for me to kiss up when I screw up. This has gone a long way toward directing us to a happier place. During the course of Saturday morning I went into the living room, knelt beside Goddess V and kissed her bare feet. I said that I was sorry for the way the night had gone. Then I beat a hasty retreat to the basement to work on a home improvement project. (Okay, so what if I'm afraid of her when she is angry at me.) Eventually she came downstairs twice to speak her mind. The first time she came down to say I should have supported her better despite what I or any of my friends wanted. This of course I already knew full-well.

The second time she came down she informed me that in her opinion, I too often assumed the submissive role in our marriage only when it was completely convenient for me. I knew she was right about this too and had been thinking about this all morning. She also told me that she had wanted to spank me but hadn’t because she was so angry she had been afraid she would have ended up hurting me. Hearing this, I wished she’d brought out the paddle anyway. It would have made it easier to atone for my screw up, and a few minutes of physical pain would have been easier to take than hours of thinking about, knowing and dwelling on how wrong I had been.

We face many moments in our lives when we must make decisions, to take or not to take certain actions. Often our choice seems inconsequential in the scheme of things, but another way of looking at it is to say we face a series of crossroads that collectively define in which direct our life travels. Goddess V and I faced a major crossroad when we decided to adopt an FLR. But with the weekend’s events, I am reminded that was not the only crossroad we will face in this lifestyle. Saying I want to be part of a FemDom marriage, and being submissive most of the time isn’t enough. Not for her. Not for me. I’m thinking that in order for Goddess V to fully embrace and wield her authority over me, she must know that she can absolutely depend on my respect for and submission to her authority—ALL of the time, not just when it’s convenient for me.

I feel bad in that this weekend I not only made Goddess V angry, I also let her down. But I do feel good in that at least I see where I went wrong and will make an effort to better live up to my half of our agreement. I don't wanna veer left or right simply because that direction seems to be more convenient for me. Straight ahead is where my true happiness lies.