The times, they are a changin'...


It's been over a year and a half since I blogged with any degree of regularity and followed a handful of other blogs dealing with female-led relationships. Recently I took a quick tour through blog land, following links from one to another. All I can say is WTF. FemDom blogs are much different than they used to be.

First off, there seems to be a lot more of them. Secondly, a few years ago most blogs were written by men, many of whom fantasized about being dominated by a woman, less by husbands who were actually living the dream. Scattered among them were a few that were supposedly written by dominant women, and of those, I'd always suspected most were actually written by men as a means of feeding their hungry fantasies.

Today there is no dearth of blogs authored by dominant women often sharing personal and graphic accounts of 24/7 relationships with their submissive and often sissy (more about that in a subsequent post) husbands. There's also no shortage of blogs maintained by submissive husbands with a seemingly intense interest in being cuckolded by their dominant wives. Many of these blogs, as well as others—even those penned by “dominant wives”—are filled with explicit images depicting various acts that can be (but are not necessarily) a part of a wife-led lifestyle. The end result is that a large portion of today’s FemDom blogs have a decidedly pornographic look.

Look, I'm no Puritan. I can appreciate a hot, sexually explicit visual as much as the next guy, but I'm gonna plant a flag in the ground here and now by saying that in my opinion, this shift in blogging about FemDom and wife-led marriages in general is not one for the better. It could be that I'm just getting old and too out of touch with the world. But when I first started this blog it was a way of working through my own feelings and to provide encouragement to other men, some who had "come out" but probably more who were still terrified at thought of confessing submissive desires to their wives. And it wasn't to pander to male sexual fantasies.

I also thought it a good idea to do this blogging thing using a style that hopefully would not immediately alienate or offend a woman visitor. This in case a husband wanted to point his unsuspecting wife toward my little corner of cyberspace to help explain what was going on in her husband's head. For the life of me I can't imagine a woman landing on any of today's sexually explicit blogs without regarding it as simply an extension of Internet pornography. News flash: it's not women who are driving the porn industry! Nothing says male-created porn like close-ups of female genitalia and women with semen-covered faces.

Anyway, I'm thinking if I continue with this blog, it will be to maintain the position of that original flag in the ground. So alas, you won't find tons of sexually explicit images on this blog. Okay, maybe some nudity because I happen to see great beauty in the nude female form. But apart from that you'll find mostly honest FemDom-oriented ruminations of a happily married middle-aged couple who are still exploring their way through a mutually satisfying wife-led relationship.  ~VK


Ayesha said...

Refreshing! I can't stand all these "vivid descriptions" of sexual adventures either, and find them utterly boring, laughable, disgusting, and cliché.

"’s FemDom blogs have a decidedly pornographic look."? Those blogs are not even remotely related to femdom!

Btw, nowadays it seems to be a must for many people to constantly inform the world on a daily basis about what's going in their life, reporting minute by minute about what they had for lunch, which phone calls they made, what brand of peanut butter they prefer, what doc said about grandpa’s progressing Alzheimer and mom’s varicose veins, that again the garbage was collected too late, etc. So enlightening and useful eh?

Another One said...

Great to see you're back VK. When I first started to explore my desires for a WLM back in late 2008, I found your blog and read it all the way through. Why? Because your blog included proper grammar, well written posts and posts that were thought provoking.

I have semi abandoned my own blog for much of the same reason you wrote. I found the more I focused on my own blog, sought out other blogs on WLM/Femdom, and sought out more and more tumblr sites catering specifically to each fetish I enjoyed, I became more and more driven by the images and fantasies instead of real life. And more importantly, a real wife.

It's difficult to explain to your wife the concept of a WLM when the brain is focused on chastity cages, lengthy and detailed tease and denial, bondage and the like.

At least for me, it was setting me up for failure because I would become so desirous for her to "force" me into a chastity cage (or some other fantasy type situation), that I was losing site of paying attention to her needs and wants.

I've tried to stop reading blogs and visiting those sites to keep me in on the right path. I never stopped "following" yours in the hope that you would start again.

Long way of saying - I'll be interested to read your thoughts again.

VeezKnight said...

Ayesha: Thank you. Your thoughts are clear indication of why most men would be better served following the lead and advice of women.

Another One: I appreciate the sentiment and the compliment. And I read you loud and clear. Going forward, I am not sure where I want to take this blog, or even if I should take it anywhere at all. Nonetheless, thank you for the kind words.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, is all i can say! I'm one of those wives whose husband recently introduced to this lifestyle and all those other blogs actualky made me want to cry because i don't want to turn my life into a lifelong porn video! Please do keep writing! I need you!

VeezKnight said...

Thank you for the compliment! I'm delighted to learn that this blog has helped you.

The unfortunate reality is that in their zealous and often overly imaginative attempts to chronicle female authority as a way of promoting it, bloggers actually do the exact opposite.

If approached in the right manner, exploring an FLR can be hugely empowering for a woman in ways that she may never have imagined possible. But that can't happen if a woman is offended or repulsed at the get-go.

bah said...

Just found your blog and plan to stop by regularly. My wife and I have been living this lifestyle for almost 2 years now. In our case, I was the one who asked to consider living this way.

As noted by many of your female posters, my wife was 'turned off' by the sterotypical idea of what a FLR would be. She is in no way domineering or mean. She had no interest in a lifestyle that would either require that or appear that way. Truthfully, I had spent many years in fantasy about what living this way would be. The reality is different ... and better.

We are learning as we go. We are older. This was a big step for us. But things are better now than they have ever been.

I wish we 'knew' more folks that live as we do. We don't hide anything, but it would be nice to simply mingle or dine with other couples like us. Does anyone else miss that? Or better yet, does anyone have suggestions on how to meet other couples living this lifestyle? (Please don't think this is a troll; it is not that at all).

Looking forward to hearng more from you and your following.

VeezKnight said...

GoddessV and I have said often how enjoyable it would be to have other couples for friends who embrace this lifestyle. I belong to the She Makes The Rules forum and some years ago tried to organize a local group of people interested in FLRs. Unfortunately, nothing ever came of it. A couple of men said they were interested but their wives did not want to meet, which more or less led me to think that the wives didn't even know what their husbands were up to (assuming they were even married).

Anyway, GoddessV and I have made meeting other couples one of our goals for 2013... not necessarily people who have a FLR, but at least those who are open-minded. Like you, for the most part, we do not hide the wife-led dynamic in our marriage. But we also do not share all the details. So it would be fun to be able to be completely open about all that and to even compare notes.

bah said...

It would be fun to 'share' tips and experiences. In fact, that is the primary reason I am active online. Most of the folks I have 'chatted with' over the years are either not truly living the lifestyle (they cyber fantasize about it. Mainly married men that are too timid to openly approach their wives) or they live it, but do so in a far more sexually oriented manner than my wife and I do. I am not at all interested in the former group. And the latter are oft time into things that neither I nor my wife have any interest in (cuckolding, pain, etc). Finding others seems hard enough; Finding others that are 'more like us than not' amounts to finding a needle in a needle stack :)

I think it would be great fun to host a small parrty (maybe 3 or 4 couples). Enjoy a few drinks, some light conversation, etc. No intention to 'play'. Just kick back, relax and hopefully share a few ideas, stories, and possibly some insight!

For instance, we hosted a fairly good sized party a few months ago. Only a few of the folks attending 'knew' of our lifestyle. No one took any notice that I was the one keeping the wine at the ready, refilling snacks, doing the 'basics', etc, . Or if they did notice, no one said anything. The party was a big hit. My wife enjoyed herself completely. And I was in 7th heaven. It was something we will do again.

It did get me to thinking how much fun it 'might be' to host such a party with folks that shared our lifestyle.

I doubt that will happen anytime soon .. just wondering if others have already crossed that bridge. And if so, if they left any breadcrumbs for the rest of us to consider following.

As an aside ... Keep up the blog. From what I can see, this is the only blog that is both active and 'sane'. Most of the other blogs I found are either dead or (IMHO) simply porn wannabe.

If you have other active sites akin to this one, please consider pointers?

VeezKnight said...

If you want to share tips and experiences about FLRs and female authority, I highly recommend you join the She Makes The Rules forum. There is no other place quite like it on the Internet. No BS and run by verified women in charge.

Miss Jen said...

Glad to see you back. I too left my Gentle Seductress blog for almost two years but I am also back. I am also amazed at the enormous amount of pornography and extreme fetish is the current sites. It will be an uphill battle to win back this space for the decent (well, semi decent;). Please hold your ground and help create a network of good information

Anonymous said...

dead blog!

Anonymous said...

My wife and I are senior citizens and have been in a wife led marriage for most of our 41 years of marriage. For the first 38 years we had a permanent threesome with her girlfriend that surprisingly lasted all that time with no problems, even when her g/f got married. So I am used to females ruling the roost.

I just started reading about FLRs on the internet a few months ago and the general impression I got was that most of what I read was pure fantasy. Things like having their wives invite all the friends to dinner and have the submissive husband serve them dressed like a maid and then everyone pees on him afterwards. Come on. Get real.

I used to run some forums a long time ago and learned that most "women" who post are actually guys who get their kicks by posting as a woman, the things they want done to them. At this point the only internet sites I believe are those that treat a FLR realistically. For some reason, many men think that their wives magically grow latex skin and high heels while starting a whip collection simply because they switched roles.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for your blog. It is rare that I come across someone who realistically writes about a real FLR. Sure we play some BDSM games but they end in the bedroom and are not played all the time. My wife does not tell me to do anything, she asks and then thanks me afterwards. She does not make me do things simply to display her control over me. Fact is, if she asked me to do something I really did not want to, I would not do it. If she embarrassed me in front of others, it would be over.

Anonymous said...

I to want to thank you for your advice.My husband and are new to the lifestyle.I want to start our female led marriage and grow.

Anonymous said...

We are in a WLM for the last 6 months and it is going good. At first my wife was turned off by what she found online. She said that she did not want a slave or to be called Mistress. I explained to her the non fantasy version which was her being like the president of the company. I was one of her executives and she could assign whatever tasks to me that she wanted to, listen to my advice and even argue about the positions we take. However, as the President, she had the final say.

Over the months we have added chastity and some light D/s play but it is not a lifestyle. It is something we do for a while and then go on with our normal lives. That is where we are at now and will not go further since I am basically dominant and my wife, submissive. Despite this our WLM is working well. We have not had one single fight in the last 6 months, which is a record for us. I am happy because she is happy.

We love our new lifestyle and keep looking for things to compliment it on the sexual front. However, at its core, a WLM is simply a role reversal where my wife leds the relationship, not me. As I tell guys, just as you did not treat your wife as a slave when you were in charge, why do you think that by simply changing roles, your wife will grow latex skin, high heeled feet and start a collection of whips?

The problem with most male thinking is that they pretend that it is for their wive's benefit but actually want it to work along the lines of whatever fantasy they have in their mind. A true WLM or FLR, is not about living out a fantasy but rather, doing what works best for the couple. My wife runs our household much better than I can so she has full control of it.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful seems to be written by a real..person in WLM and not by any porn writter..thanks for sharing.JS

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say Thank You, and also Thank God. I have wasted so much time trying to find any real tips and experiences in a WLM (as per your post after this one, I too have always used the word femdom and interpreted the word to mean a dominant female, but it is so hijacked now I would nt normally even use it, it is quite frustrating, if my wife was wanting to find out more about exploring her dominant side and how that can work, help and strengthen our marriage I sincerely doubt she would find anything remotely useful, only repulsive things if she typed in femdom or similar in Google) .

For myself and my wife we have gradually headed (and still are) towards her being much more in control over multiple areas. We also both love each other and I wouldn't even want to show her most of the "femdom" stuff online as she would find it quite ridiculous and or repulsive, even more so than me.

Why can't more people talk about how you can be submissive and want to please your wife because you simply like to please her without either her or you wanting you to dress up as a girl while she sleeps with someone else? Maybe, it is possible that somewhere in the world there is couples like this but I can't imagine any real long-term relationship coming from it.

Although I have always had submissive desires as such, it was never really part of our marriage. Some time ago, after many fights and so on she actually left and it looked like we would both go our seperate ways. We have now decided to try and make our marriage work and without asking or begging for her to be dominant it has just gradually happened. I would bring up an idea and she would agree and actually take it further (as in her control over various (non-sexual)things and even when it comes to sex, I take time to make sure she is satisfied, not because she orders me to but because I want to and it makes me happy when she is happy and contented in all areas.

I look forward to reading your further posts, and reading your previous ones.

Thanks for just being real


Anonymous said...

I've explored the concept of FLR, and I must say, I don't get it. My experience has been that the vast majority of
women desire a man who is strong and in control. They are definitely turned off by weak and pusilanimous men.
The over the top bombast that one can find on certain blogs, ("You will acknowledge that all females are superior to males", "Women are naturally the dominant sex"), is simply nonsense.
The FLR seems far more about a male's fantasy, and I think women are willing to go along with it, because they in fact want to please their man. Ironically, it is also evident that for many women, this is a compensating behavior for their own feelings of inferiority or insecurity. Note, I don't say women are inferior, but that those who are drawn to the FLR have these sentiments. Men are partners in it because for them, it's one extended role play and they find it sexually stimulating. I grant that when the play goes on and on, it does become a lifestyle, and the couple begins to think in this terms all the time, but let's be clear, it began as, and at the core remains a game. You're just playing it all the time. Women who continue to need the sort of "affirmation" that comes with a man being a subservient and perpetually demure partner are likely feeding their need for security in a rather odd manner.

Men should love their wives in a self-sacrificing manner, caring for them, and yes, serving them, but not as slaves or the lesser partner. Men, above all, need respect from their wives, and the FLR so often seems bent on disrespect. This is not a formula for a succesful relationship.