Sometimes life has a way of directing us away from the straight and narrow path we often envision for ourselves. Not that FemDom is all that “straight”. LOL, you get the idea. But that’s the way life is. You gotta go with it, deal with it and move on. Otherwise it can eat you up inside. I’m better at this than VeezKnight. Not because I’m a woman and he’s a man, but because that’s just the way I am. Aside from my gorgeous looks, this is one of my qualities that attracted him to me in the first place. ☺
Going into Spring we had a lot of plans. This included finally completing some long overdue home remodeling projects as well as changes and improvement in other areas of our life. Most of it went to crap. We also had unexpected and out of the ordinary expenses, as well as many family obligations that kept me rooted in my role as mother, sister, daughter.
I think it was in March that we had one of our hot tub talks when I told VK how lousy I had been feeling for the past year. He knew this already, but I also confessed certain fears I was experiencing about my health and how frustrated I was because it was an obstacle in many areas of our relationship. We would say we would start making time for this, or we would start doing that, but nothing would happen. To be sure, this wasn’t always “my fault,” but I was feeling guilt and dissatisfaction that often it was because I was constantly exhausted, or my libido was practically nonexistent, or because there were other constraints on my/our time. Then wouldn’t ya know but right about then VK came down with a debilitating physical injury. So much for the physical labor necessary to carry out our home improvement plans.
Anyway, VK did a lot of research on the Internet and diagnosed me with hypothyroidism. I’d been tested for that before but never officially diagnosed or put on medication. He encouraged me to “insist” my doctor test me yet again. So I did. You know how it is when you get blood work done. You worry that they might find something wrong. This time I was worried about the opposite, that they WOULDN’T find something wrong. As VK had learned, the medical industry has changed the standards considered to indicate normal thyroid function. My doc confirmed this and sure enough, my blood tests revealed I was now well within the abnormal range. This pisses me off in a way because for years I have been told that, despite having five or six of the common ten to twelve symptoms, blood tests showed nothing out of whack. Then suddenly, oops, we’ve decided to shorten the yardstick. Now you’re 5’5” instead of 5’8”.
The good news is that within 3 days of taking medication, I began to feel better. Also, last week VeezKnight had surgery to correct his problem. Right now he is still a miserable pain in my ass due to post surgery pain, but that is improving every day. And he is bitching about all of our plans that haven’t gotten done… and won’t in the near future. I know he is also feeling frustrated about how I have definitely not been feeling like a goddess these past months. This is going to change.
My point in all of this isn’t to solicit sympathy from anyone. We all have challenges, obligations and plain old crap in our lives that we’ve gotta deal with. It’s called life. Being in a FemDom marriage doesn’t make us any different than anyone else. It’s true that I haven’t much felt like a goddess lately, and VK hasn’t been as good a submissive as he has been in the past. But this will change. Now that we see light at the end of the tunnel, I plan to have discussions with him about how we might get back on track. I know he’ll have a few suggestions too.
I also plan to outline a few ways that VK can share more of the responsibility in maintaining our dominant/submissive relationship. And maybe some steps we can take to help him be less negative about some things. I think that negativity is nothing more than a bad habit that can be broken. Hopefully I’ll find the time to write about all of this in another post. VK and I will talk things over and I’ll decide on how we’ll proceed. He gets a vote, but I get a vote and a half. That’s part of the beauty of a wife led marriage. And if some of it doesn’t work for us then we’ll readjust as we go. We both agree on what we want, we just need to work around setbacks in getting there.
13 comments:
My Goddess and i recently entered a loving, Woman-Led, and celebrate its joys with you. Relationship are like gardens, needing care and tending and your blog is a an appreciated resource for that. The more authentic, the more fulfilling and it takes two, as your latest essay points out. Few people have the poise, courage and wisdom to do what you are doing. i commend your efforts, and look forward to more...
Let me say one thing, with all due respect, on your Website design. At a "mature" Internet visitor, i find the colored type reversed out of black background annoying difficult to read. Your content is so good that i don't want to give up, and thus have to copy the text into a Word file and re-format to mke it legible. If and when you redesign your pages, please consider this usablility issue. Thank you... Zero2Infinity
Thank you for your insights. As the lesser half of a emergent wife-led marriage, I too often feel frustrated at the pace of our progress. So I can identify with your well-expressed sentiments. We've had so much happening over the past year and our relationship tends to end up as a bottom-dwelling priority. How do you change that? How does a couple put their relationship on the front burner and keep it there?
I share, too, in your sense of a coming spring. So we will continue watch your blog and learn. Thanks
Goddess V,
Thank You for a beautiful and poignant post. As You point out, those of U/us in a FLR still face all the realities of life that A/anyone else does. The reality is so vastly different than the big fantasy so many males envision in their minds. Best wishes to You and Vk. i also hope to hear from the B/both of Y/you on the Female Led Relationships board.
Sounds toooooo damn familiar...
I now tend to believe that LFA is NOT really a life-style, but rather a role-playing game, that can last 1-3 years tops.
You keep intensifying it, till eventually the "excitment-nerves" go numb.
It will then slowly fade away, and any attempt of reviving it - is like trying to do CPR on a corpse...
My 2 cents...
Anonymous,
That's like saying that love, passion and intimacy in a marriage can only last for 1 to 3 years before the excitement wanes and slowly fades away.
Sorry, but I don't believe that for an instant. ANY relationship, vanilla or otherwise, requires attention and nurturing and maintenance. And of course that requires a commitment from both parties in the relationship.
I've heard your sentiment before, that FemDom is little more than a role-playing "game." My opinion is that if you treat it as such, then that's what you'll end up with, just a game. A game by definition is typically meant for amusement, takes place over a finite period of time, and ends when one person wins or loses. I'm inclined to think that this is part of what's wrong in our society today. An honest and loving relationship between two people can be many things, but it should hardly be considered a game.
And that's MY 2-cents worth.
As far as anonymous' statement above, some people have a narrow frame of reference and life experience. Oh well, his loss.
Wow, the new format looks good. Very fresh and easier to read. Nice!!
"your blog is a an appreciated resource"
"Thank you for your insights"
"the new format looks good"
I totally understand why you had removed my last comment:
You just love the tone in the above comments, and so you only keep those...
Avoiding an open discussion is so much easier then facing the truth:
LFA is subject to the human deficiencies, just like any other relationship.
But you want to keep the image of "LFA is the answer to it all",
So, let us all know:
Is your LFA relationship "as good as new" ?
Are you both still commited and happier ?
Or, do you get the headache excuse, only now it is aimed at avoiding spanking,
instead of avoiding intercourse ?
Can you be honest and share some of the down sides as well ?
If this post gets removed - I'll know the answer, and never bother you again!
Mr. Anonymous,
It appears that a discussion is not what you actually want. It seems that a verbal altercation is what you really desire.
I have been reading this blog for a long time. Having actually read every last word of the blog, I know that VK and Goddess V have never made any claims that LFA is "the answer to it all". They have never said that their lives have no "down sides."
If you take the time to go back and read the entirity, you will find great candor and honesty. You will see two people who love and care for each other. You will find a story of two people in a real life, with all the challenges that life places in front of any typical family. Over and over, there is frank discussion of how real FLR is vastly different than the big fantasy that so many males conjure up in their heads.
The charges you make are inaccurate. I know they are inaccurate because I know the full contents of this blog. Your statements are not only inaccurate, they are antagonistic and intended only to create an altercation and bring attention to yourself. They are projections of your own inner insecurity and unhappiness. You asked a number of questions in the post above. The ironic thing is, the answer to every one of those questions can be found within the blog. VK and Goddess V have placed their lives in FLR out on display for all to see. These two people have invited public discussion of their relationship, and throughout the comments sections, there has been frank, honest dialogue about their relationship. If you had read the blog and comments, you would have seen that.
So what about you, anonymous? You have not even bothered to give yourself a pseudonym. You have told absolutely nothing of your pilgrimage through life. What has worked and not worked for you? Where do you live; what do you do; how successful or unsuccessful have your relationships been and what is your own analysis of why? You have exposed nothing of your own life, yet you come to this place where two wonderful people have exposed theirs and make absurd accusations that they have avoided honesty and open discussion.
If you want to be taken seriously, you need to do a few things: read the blog and comments thoughtfully and in their entirity; pose questions in a manner that indicates you actually desire discussion rather than a fight; attempt to convey yourself with a modicum of courtesy rather than open hostility. Otherwise, the only person who appears badly here is you, not those whom you slam.
Queen'sKnight,
I remember a year or so ago when someone said they thought you and I were the same person posting under two different names. I think we've read enough of each other's writings to know that while we don't agree on everything, we do think alike in many ways. I've read your comment several times and must say, I couldn't have said it any better. Thank you, from both Goddess V and me, for taking the time I know it must have taken you to write such an articulate and heart-felt comment.
VK
OK - Let me take a step back here:
Didn't mean to hurt anyone.
Im S O R R Y!
If you read again, I never tried to slam anyone.
All I said is that FLR has a limited time-span.
After which, the goddess both loses interest, and more importantly: LOSES RESPECT towards her partner.
As soon as I said this, I was the one who got slammed, by VK.
I've read quite a lot of VK posts, and it is obvious that he is sincere and honest in all of them.
YET:
Being a male sub, it is often hard to tell when things are shifting:
You are much familiar with anticipation, and you keep waiting for the turn-around, which is "just around the corner"...
And you will "hold things in", since you don't want to be "topping from the bottom".
VK,
If things are bad for months now between you and GV, I'd expect an honest blogger as yourself to write about this, instead of about a goddess who uses over-stimulation...
(not that I didn't like that post as well - just less important)
I really really really hope things will go back to normal (can you say that about FLR?) between you and GV, and we'll get more of the "Higher Level" posts, and immortal quots like "c u in the AM, cum slut"...
QK:
Obviously,if I wanted anyone to know anything about myself, I would have started my own blog.
Nice try, though...
Good luck, everyone
Anonymous,
There is no reason why a female led relationship should have a "limited time span." Especially in a marriage. No where in my last post did I say I had lost interest in this lifestyle. The fact of the matter is I have no intention of going backwards. This weekend I told VK (as I have numerous times since we began this lifestyle) that he is a better man now than he has ever been.. and he is going to get even better. He knows this to be true.
Have I "lost respect for him" because he submits to me and worships me as his goddess? Hardly! I can't imagine whatever gave you that impression.
I hope others haven't gotten the same impression. Because of my last post. Or because I don't write on this blog that often. Or because VK hasn't written here as much as he did in the beginning. All I meant to say was that certain aspects of our lives sometimes need to take a back seat to others. It's called LIFE. And you don't just throw a switch and suddenly your marriage becomes totally wife led. Or anything else for that matter. It's a process in which a woman and her man grow together in their dominant and submissive roles. It seems to me that too many people want instant gratification.
Saturday night VK and I were out together alone having dinner. We talked some about the many obstacles we faced during the early years of our relationship. He said he thought it was truly a miracle that we made it through all of them and ended up together. Maybe so, or maybe it was because we were meant to be together. But I do know that usually the best things in life usually take a lot of work and effort. FemDom is no exception. I believe every woman should be worshipped as a goddess by her man. But it takes dedication, lots of effort and lots of honest communication.
Goddess V
Gee - GV herself!
I'm honored, yet terrified:
Last thing I intended was to piss-off a goddess,
even if she is thousands miles away...
Listen pls: this has gone too far.
To straighten things up: I'm a fan of this blog. A big fan, actually.
Maybe not the typical one, who keeps praising night-and-day - but definitely a fan.
(BTW: are you absolutely sure VK and QK are not the same person?)
And as strange as this may sound, I am humbled by my wife on a daily basis.
However, on my blog-comments, I allow myself to become somewhat judgmental,
since it is not my goddess that I judge...
My FLR is quite a few steps behind yours; not identical, yet similar.
And: I hate to think we are coming rapidly to the point of "goddes-indifference".
The way I see it, the male's frustration is like cholesterol:
there is the good kind, and the then there's the bad...
The goddess detaching from the "game" produces a lot of the latter.
Us male-subs need an alert mechanism, that will NOT be considered "topping from bottom",
just to allow us to say: "Hey - you are not doing your part, with all due respect, and, well: I'm going mad here!",
because we all know that you goddesses tend to get overly pampered...
Let me explain: you not knowing that he hadn't cum in 3 weeks was a bit disappointing to me. (the "Higher level" post)
I DO NOT MEAN that we can be "asking for release": just for any kind of reference, to know you are still "playing" .
In fact, it would be sooooo powerful knowing those 3 weeks were INTENTIONAL by you,
and that you were counting them along with him...
To conclude:
VK: Your FLR blog is a great resource.
Keep it up, just make sure to be as sincere as you used to,
even when the post is not going to be an FLR-award-winning-post...
Remember: It is always very easy to piss-off guys who hadn't climaxed in a while...
All the best,
and have a happy 4th-of-July
P.S.
My remark about "losing respect" was not about you.
It was a "projection" from another source.
Yet - if it happened to one goddess...
Goddess V and VK,
I have followed your blog from the beginning and read every word. I have found both of you very honest and inspiring. Thank you for writing about the challenges you face during those hard times and your determination to find ways to see them through. Such honesty should not be subjected to anyone's biased criticism. I know the amazing lifestyle you two share will continue for years to come, and I hope you continue to share it with us. Thank you.
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