Happy New Year!

Tonight we'll ring in 2010 with a blue moon, the second full moon this month. The New Year’s Eve blue moon will be visible in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America and Africa. A New Year’s Eve blue moon occurs only once every 19 years and won't come again until 2028. Of course the blue moon won’t actually be blue. I didn't bother to take the time to surf the Net to find out why it's called a blue moon, but it has nothing to do with its color and everything to do with something that is rare, special or uncommon.

Femdom marriages are still pretty rare and uncommon. Or so it seems. But they are indeed special. Based on emails I periodically receive, as well as posts on a forum to which I belong, the rarity isn't due to a dearth of wannabe submissive men out there. As the decade winds down, many of them are mustering the courage to suggest this lifestyle to the women they love. Others have but alas have been "shot down". I really don't quite get this, because if two people love each other, what the heck is so wrong with at least trying something your partner suggests? How does one know it won't work or be so horrible without trying? Still other men are actively looking for a dominant woman with whom they might establish the femdom or FLR lifestyle.

GoddessV and I will soon be going out to our favorite restaurant/bar to have some fun with whatever friends who happen to be there. But we'll be back home well before the ball completes its journey over Times Square. One of GoddessV's surprising characteristics is that she doesn't much care if people discover the truth about our lifestyle, yet the thought of being on the road with late-night drunk drivers freaks her out. Image that.

Nonetheless there will be time enough this evening for us to drink a toast to male submission to female authority. We hope that many around the world join us in our toast so that 2010 is a year in which it becomes less a blue moon rarity. GoddessV and I wish each and every reader of our blog a very happy and healthy new year!

Study indicates submissive sexual behavior in women reduces their arousal

Less than satisfactory sex may be brought on by thoughts of submission, which can lower arousal, says a study from the University of Michigan. The study, as published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggests that women, but not men, automatically associate sex with submission. Apparently submissive men were not accounted for, because it further indicates that this connection reduces the quality of the sexual experience.

The research findings show that women implicitly associate sex with submission, which leads to them feeling as though they assume a submissive sexual role. This in turn leads to impaired or lack of arousal due to reduction in their sense of sexual autonomy. Researchers postulate that our current social norms promote deference to men and that magazines, television and movies "commonly display male sexual dominance over women as well as female sexual submission to men.” Duh… do yuh think? Oh, and don't forget the teachings of many religions adding to the mainstream media message.

That women may have unconsciously picked up the message that they should be sexually submissive raises the possibility that women have internalized this societal pressure. Says researcher, Amy Kiefer, "The more women reported engaging in submissive behaviors, the less arousal they reported experiencing from a range of sexual activities.” She further hypothesized, “The problem with submissive behavior seems to be that women don't experience these submissive behaviors as authentic or native expressions of their selves. Submission to their partners’ desires appears to undermine their ability to assert themselves within the sexual context.”

Hmmm, do yuh think it just might undermine their behavior in other ways as well? Furthermore, if the study suggests that women are not natively submissive, does this support the notion that women are inherently dominant?

Embracing change

Many of us aren't especially enamored with change. It pushes us out of our comfort zones: the familiar and predictable, the tried and true, that which is easier to deal with, because we have history there and know what to expect. Some would say that we fear change, but I think it's not so much change itself that we fear. It's the uncertainty of what change may or may not bring into our lives. That amounts to fear of the unknown.

When change is subtle or slow to take effect it seems to cause much less stress on our nervous systems. You squint more and more to read the type on your computer screen until one day, holy crap, you realize you need reading glasses! Well, you kinda knew that was coming, it just took you a while to admit it. So you pick up a pair of readers at the pharmacy and life goes on (with you seeing a lot more clearly). But when change is drastic or abrupt--you wake up one morning and suddenly can't see worth a damn--well that's a horse of a different color. You'd be more likely to try to fix what you perceive to be "a problem", or ignore it in hopes it will clear itself up in time.

When I was in my mid 40s it was a particularly tumultuous time for me. Things were changing in my life that made me feel sad, scared, yet hopeful--all at the same time!
That's when a wise man, a sort of life coach/self-help guru spoke to me. He said the thing about change is, you cannot stop it from happening. Things, places, people, ideas: they all change. Anyone in their 50s knows how we begin to feel aches and pains we never had when we were younger. The man said change is the ONE constant in life that you can always count on. So instead of fearing it, embrace it, go with it, explore it to discover how change can work for you instead of against you. Those aches and pains signal maturity, and maturity brings increased wisdom and insight into issues that either baffled us in youth, or we were oblivious to altogether.

Converting from vanilla to wife-led marriage easily qualifies as a drastic change. Typically the husband secretly harbors his submissive desires, sometimes for many years, and after finally mustering his courage, surprises her with his confession. Duh. Do you think this may be why women initially reject the notion? Especially when you consider how men can be so convincing at maintaining their traditional masculine identity, that the wives hadn't a clue their husbands want to submit to their female authority. Of course one could argue that in many marriages the wife is already in charge, but chooses not to assert her authority overtly. In this regard, "changing" to a wife-led marriage might not represent that much change after all. But we'll save that discussion for another day.

I've gotta confess that had I gone to sleep as your average, vanilla kind of guy then wakened the next morning to find myself in a formal submissive role beneath a dominant woman, I'm not sure what my reaction would have been. You may recall that I am not one of those fellows who knew from the get-go his true calling was to be submissive to a woman. But I'll also admit to experiencing an epiphany, one in which I realized that the notion of femdom, despite causing more than a little trepidation, held more than a little appeal, much more appeal than felt comfortable. I needed to circle around that for a while, consider the pros and cons, explore how such a drastic change might work: for me, for my the women I love, and our for my relationship. You can bet I didn't to end up as someone who regretted what he had wished for.

I had an advantage that most closet submissive husbands share: I could run through all of the ramifications in the safe harbor of my mind, BEFORE I suggested a female-led relationship to GoddessV. Unfortunately, wives don't typically have this luxury. They aren't afforded the opportunity to examine this change in the dynamics of her marriage while remaining in the secrecy and privacy of their own minds. Hubby's femdom suggestion comes winging in from left field unexpectedly. Suddenly the wife is thrust into the harsh light of impending and drastic change. It's no wonder many react by resisting or ignoring hubby's crazy notions it in hopes they will go away. It's also no wonder why many wives caution their husbands that there will be no turning back if they do decided to give the wife-led dynamic a shot.

From whichever perspective one views it, change poses challenges to us all. Nonetheless, since it happens whether we want it or not, we might as well make it work for us if we can. When it comes to a change from traditional vanilla to loving female authority, you never know, it just might save/revitalize your marriage or relationship. It did mine.