The length (and girth?) of penetration

Across the Internet a friend recently wrote on her blog about “the length of sex”. I added a comment to that post and in so doing I thought I’d like to say a bit more. My own title here admittedly is misleading because I’ve deliberately alluded to what could be considered a corollary issue. My friend’s original post dealt only with duration of sex: specifically, an Australian study reporting common duration of sex (and I assume, penetration) to be between 3 and 13 minutes. That led to discussion and comments speculating as to whether or not prolonged penetration is truly preferable, and if not, why we as a culture might be predisposed to think that it is.

As a male I certainly can’t profess to be an expert on how women feel about penetration, but I’d hazard a guess that more men than women consider prolonged periods of penetration to be desirable if not necessary to truly satisfy a woman. I suspect the pornography industry is the culprit here. Male studs in these movies go and go and go before they, ah, cum. If they didn’t go the full distance during the original shoot (sorry, couldn’t resist), video can be edited in such a way as to give the impression that they did. I’ve watched some of those guys have at it and couldn’t help but think to myself, “Damn, he’s the man.” And what of the sex kittens on the business end of the impressive length and girth these studs always seem to wield? Not a whole lot of purring going on as far as kittens go, but if one can judge pleasure by the number of times they shout, “Oh yeah, oh yeah,” I’m guessing they love every exhausting minute.

Men need to get over their bad selves. I mean, where do guys get the idea that great sex… good sex… ANY kind of sex needs to revolve around that little guy between their legs. Yeah, I said little—compared to an eight pound baby (and I’ve popped out four of them), ALL cocks are little. Here’s another thought that might prick a few over inflated egos! Since VK and I went FemDom, we’ve had less intercourse—a lot less—and I’m having more powerful orgasms than ever. ☺ Intercourse, of any duration, no longer defines how we have sex. It can still be one of the ingredients, but when it is, it’s never the main event the way it used to be. You might say that I have reduced Vk’s penis to playing a less prominent role in our sexual activities.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against sexual intercourse. I think most women would admit there are times when a woman just wants a good, hard fuck. But I also think that’s more the exception than the rule. So apart from that, I like intercourse not so much for physical pleasure and more for the emotional connection it provides between two people who love each other. The fact of the matter is I never got off all that well during intercourse anyway—not nearly like I do in other ways. It always seemed to me that intercourse somehow benefited the man more than the woman anyway. I gave up too many mercy fucks in my twenties and thirties because I allowed a man to make me feel guilty if I denied him. It was easier just to spread my legs. I doubt there’s a wife on the planet who hasn’t made a grocery list in her head while hubby humped away. Oh how the rules have changed!


leopold said...

I'm curious about your stand on the relative importance of female vs. male sexual pleasure and orgasms. As a male, I love orgasms but recognize that I may actually find being aroused (and denied) even more pleasurable, *in a way,* especially if my frustration is contrasted with unrestricted female pleasure.

VeezKnight said...

I'm sure this varies from relationship to relationship, depending on what works and doesn't work for both individuals. In my opinion however, this particular dynamic in an FLR should be a two-way street, but one on which traffic is more often in her direction.

The woman should also be in complete control of his pleasure, deciding if, when and how he gets his. I fully agree with the concept of denial, whether it be as a result of the honor system or a device But prolonged denial ONLY works if the woman compliments that with teasing. This is what says to the submissive male that his lady knows what he wants and is deliberately withholding it to demonstrate her control over him.

The more she teases and denies, the better he likes it. Generally speaking. Otherwise, a mal thinks she has no interest or has totally forgotten about his sexuality.

Anonymous said...

As a male, I find intercourse a second best in terms of sexual gratification. I prefer the teasing. I prefer being teased, played with and left in the lurch. Penetration is nice, but not what's it's chalked up to be... unless the male -- which means me -- is not allowed to come. To have to withdraw without an orgasm is, yes, very frustrating but oddly very erotic, because it sends you not downward but to an even higher plateau.

To sum up: the best is penetration but without ejaculation.

Her buddy said...

We both agree with the comments and veezknight' response to leopold is dead on. It is funny, 23 years ago during premarital counseling, the wife was advised to "not deny her man." It was inferred that to give it up even when she is not quite in the mood was the "good wife's" duty. As young marrieds, perhaps a value. And I know from talking with my Wife, she says that sometimes she is not in the mood at the moment but after starting She does warm up.

But, as we have matured a little, we have come to find out that intercourse is not quite as easy as it used to be. A little more dryness than in younger years is taken into consideration as well as other factors.

We have come to realize and embrace that it is not the intercouse itself, though we still do and is emotionally intimate. But, sexual energy, with the Wife leading the occurences is really more fun and easier and just as emotionally fulfilling.

The other evening, She looked at me and said, "are you going to make me feel good later?" Of course I said 'Yes." An hour later when we went to bed, I concentrated on what She likes, sensual caressing, light body kisses, etc. I was not concerned with my finish. She initially said that I could not go down on Her but changed Her mind and I helped Her achieve a relaxed, satisfying orgasm. Afterwards we talked a little as she stoked me. We then went to sleep. She loves not having to get out of bed after sex. She did that for twenty years. And I love knowing that She truely enjoys the experience. As V said, I have had my share of mercy fucks. I dont need them anymore. I want an intimate time with my Wife that She truely enjoys. I feel a bond, a closeness that is hard to describe. That is sexual energy that we both find fulfilling.....and fun!

Nathon said...

Oh good grief, I can't for the life of me find one easy spot with a big button that says "hello, here's who I am and I'll be loving and devoted to your needs" everything else is either needless or superficial bs "net universe crap"...

I want someone sincere to partner with me in a power exchange but loving and sincere, intellectual dom/sub whatist/whoseey. But can't call YOU so you YOU CALL ME.

Bob_Aganoush said...

I think it all comes down to communication. As Goddess V said, there are times when a woman likes a good, hard fuck -- but not all the time. In an FLR, she can decide for herself what she wants.

But even in a more equal relationship, either partner should be able to communicate what she or he wants. And a loving partner should accommodate that need, as long as the requests are made fairly and equitably.

Diana said...

As a woman that has now been in a FLR for over five years I can tell you that my sex life is fantastic!!
And I think my husbands cock has maybe been in me four or five times during these years.But his well trained tongue or the dildo I strap to his mouth services me everynight,and more on weekends.He has learned to get his reward from pleasing me while his cock remains locked in chastity 24/7.I alone decide if,when and how he will be allowed to orgasm.Or maybe I'll just milk him and be done with it.And yet he is the most attentive,devoted and happy husband I know.All my friends in the vanilla world are miserable and they get fucked all the time.My taking control of his cock was the best thing we ever did.

Peter said...

Like most males I think with my cock more than I should. And my orgasm has always been very important to me. But I have learned that her orgasm, her pleasure, her needs are in even more important. And I realized that
my sexual needs were a hindrance to our FLR. So I asked my Queen to
lock me in 24/7 chastity for my own good. My service and devotion to her has increased, as well as my desire to serve and obey her. And even though she now rarely allows me out of chastity for an orgasm, I never want to be unlocked again. I service her with a passion for as long as she wants and whenever she wants. And my reward now comes from seeing her pleasure and not my orgasm. My chastity has changed me from a submissive male into a true slave deep in sub space. She doesn't need my cock as much as she needs my obedience and respect.