The normalcy of abnormality

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The July-August 2008 issue of Psychology Today featured this provocative cover, along with an article from which I’ve include a few excerpts.

A man trolls through web sites, searching for someone to fulfill his fantasy. Waves of anticipation alternate with a nagging fear that he will be exposed as a freak, a pervert as being abnormal.

What would his friends and family think of him if they knew his secret goal in life was to marry and kneel and kiss, and even lick, the feet of a dominant woman? What if they could read the thoughts lurking inside his mind, dark thoughts of being locked in a chastity device or turned bare-ass over his wife's knee for misbehaving in a manner that displeased her.

According to this Psych Today article, Feelings or habits... that are out of the ordinary can cause anguish to those who can't understand—and don't appreciate—their own outrĂ© tendencies. Of course some people are proud to be twisted, and even cultivate strangeness, but why do many others obsess over not being normal?

Says Dustin Wood, an assistant professor of psychology at Wake Forest University in North Carolina, "Normality is the barometer people use to figure out if they're acting the way they should be."

It turns out that Wood supposedly has made the ‘surprising’ discovery that being normal is actually extraordinary… or, umm, abnormal. He says that normal is comprised of an unusual combination of specific traits that all have to do with being extra likable. People who see themselves as most normal (and are seen that way by others) are much less neurotic than the average person, uncommonly easy to get along with, unusually respectful of propriety, and highly responsible.

But alas, normal people may be nicer than average, but they also have character traits that aren't universally appealing. According to Wood, they're not adventurous. They're not above average in intelligence, nor are they outgoing. Truth be told, a lot of our best qualities are unusual, or--you guessed it--ABNORMAL.

Now if you’re anything like me, right about now you’re shaking your head and saying to yourself, “What the hell?” This is probably exactly why the editor of Psych Today decided they needed to punch up newsstand appeal by splashing a dominatrix on the cover. Give readers a spicy graphic and teaser headline and maybe they’ll be too stupid to ask intelligent questions.

Journalism like this makes we want to not read much of anything being cranked out by the mainstream media these days. So much of it amounts to being nothing more than a pile of crap, as evidenced by the whip-wielding babe in the dominatrix outfit. Obviously the emphasis here is on selling newsstand copies versus meaningful reporting that might actually help a reader.

What some of us really want is insight allowing us to accurately access whether or not VeezKnight and Goddess V are twisted wackos for creating this blog? Or whether or not YOU are a pee in the same pod for reading it? Or whether or not those of us in or seeking FemDom relationships are hopelessly too far outside of acceptable mainstream behavior. Or whether or not maybe, just maybe we are on the cusp of a dramatic change in our society from patriarchy to matriarchy?

I wonder: does it really matter? If we are to glean anything at all from the lackluster PT article, it’s the fact that normalcy is apparently a less than abundant commodity in our society. Who’da thunk it! Moreover, in some learned camps, being normal is consider to be, in a word--BORING.


So who the hell cares? Besides, even if you do lust over being whipped by a powerful dominatrix, I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe you aren’t so out-of-the-ordinary. Check out the website of Mini Cooper of Canada. It features a PVC clad domme wielding a whip, flogger, paddle and feather tickler. Oh yeah, she’s supposed to be selling Mini Coopers… but is she really? As the Canadians say, ya gotta give your head a shake.

Check it out
http://www.neverinneutral.com/dominatrix/subpage.html

One picture is worth a thousand words

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This photo apparently is currently circulating throughout email land, and was forwarded to me this morning by a married friend who, while being an "in-charge" kinda guy, has been happily married long enough to know who REALLY leads the relationship. The subject line of the email read: A man's life summed up in one photo!! I got a good laugh when I opened the email and saw the picture. Indeed, it does pretty much say it all. The interesting thing is that most men will look at this picture and smile and pass the email on to a buddy. That's because most guys in their heart of hearts know this to be true. A submissive man knows better than most that it is through our own sexuality that women have the ultimate power to control us. The hell of it is, this is not something that men voluntarily give to women. It was wired into us by Mother Nature, so there must be a damn good reason for it—don't ya think?

She Makes the Rules

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In case you're not aware, the Venus On Top Yahoo forum I've mentioned here in the past is no longer functional. But that's not bad news because it's been replaced by a brand new free website that is only a few weeks old and already has 1000+ members. Called She Makes the Rules, it's run by the same moderators who were in charge of VOT. Barbara Wright Abernathy, who founded VOT, is supportive but no longer directly involved. The purpose of the site is to provide a non-threatening introduction to female-led relationships and loving female authority. Toward that end, the moderators do not allow any posts or photos that are too over the top. However, they allow far more latitude regarding some of the kinkier issues often associated with female domination than was ever the case with VOT.

Unfortunately, it's looking more and more as if Around Her Finger has gone into cyber limbo. The Addison's website hasn't changed in years, and now the blog on which they faithfully posted new letters each and every month, has remained static since April. Not a good sign. So if you are in the process of adopting an FLR, or are looking for a non-threatening venue to help introduce the lifestyle to your spouse, She Makes the Rules is now just about the only game in town. Becoming an SMTR member is a must.

So check it out. You'll find discussions on all sorts of topics and you can create your own forum topic as well. And if you are single, there's a section in which you can place a personal ad to help you meet a dominant or submissive partner. I've added a link in the Additional Resources section at right.

Update June 12th:
Happily, the Around Her Finger Q/A blog run by Ken & Emily Addison is still in operation. The link is listed at right.

Update June 28th
She Makes the Rules has now been up for 8 weeks and already has 1500 members. Of course you always have your share of lurkers and those who join but never return, but so far discussions on this forum are first-rate. It's obvious the moderators are spending an enormous amount of time ensuring SMTR is both a success and non-threatening as possible to new-comers. If you are interested enough in Loving Female Authority to be reading this blog, then you really should be a member of SMTR.