Labels, Tags and No-Speak

I’ve mentioned before that I belong to a forum called She Makes The Rules, which BTW is a place you need to be if you are interested in or are practicing a female-led relationship. Anyway, I posted there recently and the long and short of it is that I prompted a discussion about the terms femdom versus FLR. If one can judge by some of the member commentary, it would seem that the word femdom is becoming unpopular among those involved in legitimate female-led relationships. Apparently it’s become too closely associated with the proliferation of male-generated porn that depicts men being physically dominated and abused by mean, whip-wielding, leather-clad dominatrices.

Thus the term femdom connotes, shall we say, less savory activities in which people in this lifestyle do not necessary engage. In so doing, it panders to unrealistic male sexual fantasies, which, as most would agree, are decidedly unappealing to most women. The irony then, is that in the minds of some, especially those who are in or considering this lifestyle, the femdom moniker conveys a dynamic that is male-centric and male-focused. This of course is exactly opposite what this lifestyle is “suppose” to be all about. As you may imagine, those in the do-not-use camp, have a problem with this.

As I pointed out in a previous post, I haven’t been very active or tuned in to Internet discussions of this lifestyle over the last year or more. So I was surprised by the pushback regarding use of the word femdom. Since my interest and subsequent involvement in this lifestyle back in 2005, I’ve used terms such as femdom, female-led relationship (FLR), wife-led relationship (WLR) and loving female authority (LFA) almost interchangeably. For my money, femdom has been nothing more than an amalgamation of the words female and dominant. It seemed wonderfully descriptive, and if in fact it cuts with more of an edge than the terms FLR or LFA, it seemed perfectly apropos.

The hijacking of the word femdom notwithstanding, I think we sometimes get too caught up in the use of names, tags and labels. I find myself using the word queer. Hey, it’s a go-to word when I think something is odd or offbeat, but I often receive a look of disapproval from my daughter, who, BTW, is a lesbian. (She asserts that my ability to arrange flowers and decorate the home is clear indication that I am responsible for giving her the “gay gene,” but that’s a story for another day.) We’re headed that way with the word gay as well. What happened to “Don we now our gay apparel,” which did not originally mean wrapping one’s self in a rainbow flag.

Surprisingly, there was once a lengthy discussion in the SMTR forum about adding the word submissive to the No-Speak list when referring to the man’s role in a FLR. This because of negative connotations; you know, images of a doormat, wimp, wuss, namby-pamby, pantywaist and so forth. Some members held that uxorious is a better descriptor, except that your average person has no idea what uxorious means, and when you look is up, the word submissive is used in the definition. “Hey honey, I was thinking that it would be good for our marriage if I was uxorious and you acted like the goddess that you are.” GoddessV would have replied, “Damnit, why can’t you be normal and use regular words!” Umm, regular I am, but normal? Not so much.

I’m not going to worry too much about perceived meanings, connotations or implications of certain terms. For the time being, I’ll keep femdom in my vocabulary and cross my fingers in hopes it doesn’t alienate too many folks in or around the female-led lifestyle.  ~VK

The times, they are a changin'...

It's been over a year and a half since I blogged with any degree of regularity and followed a handful of other blogs dealing with female-led relationships. Recently I took a quick tour through blog land, following links from one to another. All I can say is WTF. FemDom blogs are much different than they used to be.

First off, there seems to be a lot more of them. Secondly, a few years ago most blogs were written by men, many of whom fantasized about being dominated by a woman, less by husbands who were actually living the dream. Scattered among them were a few that were supposedly written by dominant women, and of those, I'd always suspected most were actually written by men as a means of feeding their hungry fantasies.

Today there is no dearth of blogs authored by dominant women often sharing personal and graphic accounts of 24/7 relationships with their submissive and often sissy (more about that in a subsequent post) husbands. There's also no shortage of blogs maintained by submissive husbands with a seemingly intense interest in being cuckolded by their dominant wives. Many of these blogs, as well as others—even those penned by “dominant wives”—are filled with explicit images depicting various acts that can be (but are not necessarily) a part of a wife-led lifestyle. The end result is that a large portion of today’s FemDom blogs have a decidedly pornographic look.

Look, I'm no Puritan. I can appreciate a hot, sexually explicit visual as much as the next guy, but I'm gonna plant a flag in the ground here and now by saying that in my opinion, this shift in blogging about FemDom and wife-led marriages in general is not one for the better. It could be that I'm just getting old and too out of touch with the world. But when I first started this blog it was a way of working through my own feelings and to provide encouragement to other men, some who had "come out" but probably more who were still terrified at thought of confessing submissive desires to their wives. And it wasn't to pander to male sexual fantasies.

I also thought it a good idea to do this blogging thing using a style that hopefully would not immediately alienate or offend a woman visitor. This in case a husband wanted to point his unsuspecting wife toward my little corner of cyberspace to help explain what was going on in her husband's head. For the life of me I can't imagine a woman landing on any of today's sexually explicit blogs without regarding it as simply an extension of Internet pornography. News flash: it's not women who are driving the porn industry! Nothing says male-created porn like close-ups of female genitalia and women with semen-covered faces.

Anyway, I'm thinking if I continue with this blog, it will be to maintain the position of that original flag in the ground. So alas, you won't find tons of sexually explicit images on this blog. Okay, maybe some nudity because I happen to see great beauty in the nude female form. But apart from that you'll find mostly honest FemDom-oriented ruminations of a happily married middle-aged couple who are still exploring their way through a mutually satisfying wife-led relationship.  ~VK

Back in the Saddle?

It's hard to believe it's been close to two years since I last posted here. There have been moments during that time when I was tempted to delete this blog, but now I'm rather glad I didn't. A lot of things have changed in my life, and while many of them do not center around FemDom per se, most relate to it in one way or another, even it only indirectly. So I'm thinking that perhaps it's time to start blogging again.

All men are NOT dumbasses

Is anyone else annoyed at how men are commonly being portrayed in television commercials these days? I’m not sure when this trend began, but it seems to have been going on for a while and shows no signs of stopping. In fact it seems to be getting worse. Far too often, men are stereotypically being portrayed as… well, as stupid asses.

A dim-witted husband earns a scowl from his wife when he returns from a store with the wrong grocery item. A young man in a cafe foolishly says he’d save his beer from falling over a cliff instead of saving his faithful dog OR his sexy girlfriend (oh, for chrissakes). A middle-age man’s reflection in store window has to talk the guy into admitting to his doctor that his pecker has gone missing the wood. Meanwhile, another husband is mystified at how his wife can make their whiz-bang new air freshener spray smelly stuff while he can’t (push the button, stupid). Still another clueless hubby searches the fridge for yummy snacks as his wife describes to a friend on the phone how she enjoyed Boston cream pie dessert for lunch. That a yogurt manufacturer might be getting creative with naming product flavors is apparently too bewildering a concept for this fellow. The only cream pie he is likely to find will be between the legs of his wife.

A television ad that really plucks my last nerve is the sexist moron who sees a shapely female plumber in tight slacks enter his neighbor’s home, and proceeds to feverishly dump all manner of household items into his own toilet. Presumably, if he can clog it up in time while the lady plumber is still in the neighborhood, he’ll have a chance to gawk at her ass up close and personal. Alas, just as the moron empties a 20-pound bag of dog food into his shitter, his wife arrives on the scene to bring his ridiculous fantasy to a screeching halt.

Kohler, what the hell were you people thinking? God forbid they should show the guy just as he has risen from his toilet and is buckling his trousers. He turns around and looks downward to inspect his latest deposit (lets face it, all men do this) and, concerned over its meatiness, he crosses his fingers as he works the flush lever, or perhaps gazes upward as if asking for Devine assistance to save him from the nasty business of snaking or plunging all that poop. Flush… whoosh… happy days. Our man smiles at the camera and simply says, “All gone!”

Speaking of meaty, I’m reminded of my ex brother-in-law who, after many days of suffering from impacted bowels caused by rectal surgery, “gave birth” to what would come to be known as “the meatloaf shit” that his father had to beat with a stick before it would flush. Okay… admittedly, TMI, and no bathroom fixture manufacturer would ever be interested in THIS story. But you know what, at least it has a lot more to do with reality than does a man flushing his wife’s African violet and Fido’s dinner, just to get a peek at a female plumber’s shapely posterior.

I wonder: are these ads being written and produced by women? Some, maybe, but surely not all. So why does Madison Avenue seem to want to portray men in this manner? Is this their idea of the true American male? If so, some of those ad people need to get involved in femdom relationships… maybe join the She Makes the Rules forum on wife-led marriage. They’d have a chance to rub elbows with real-life men such as yours truly who, despite maintaining submissive roles in our homes, are anything but the moronic buffoons we are being made out to be. We who voluntarily submit to loving female authority are WAY too smart to flush anything belonging to the women we worship.

Children having flown

Among the few women I dated during my years in college, there was one particular sorority girl who gave me something to think about outside of what I was learning in class. In those days, when you first got together, conversation centered around subjects such as your course load, which Psych profs were okay and which weren't, whose asses our football team was gonna kick next (we were a Big Ten powerhouse), and whether or not the Beatles might get back together. Later, you progressed to more personal stuff such as family background. It was at this level when my sorority girl shared with me how, now that she was in college, her parents were probably going to get divorce--after 30 years of marriage. They only had stayed together until she and her older sister had grown up and left home.

Later, I had occasion to stay at my girl friend's home for a few days. She'd been raised in a modest but comfortable brick rancher in typical middle-class suburban neighborhood. Her mom was a diminutive and personable lady who stood all of about five-foot one. Family members called her Big Martha. Her dad seemed somewhat older and nice enough, but as I recall, a bit on the dull side. Both parents were very good to me during my visit, maybe better than they were to each other. Mom made me the first homemade french fries I had ever eaten, and vanilla pudding because it was my fav. Dad helped me out of a jam caused by serious car trouble that had left me stranded.

I remember marveling, both during my visit and for long afterward, at how it could be possible that these two nice people, any two people for that matter, could build a life together over so many years and raise two wonderful children, only to prefer to fold up the tents and go their separate ways (well, one of them did anyway). At the age of 19, this was the first time I had been exposed to this sad side of marriage in our society. Wow, was I ever naive.

A middle-aged wife looks at her balding husband from across the breakfast table. She sees only that he is unshaven, his hairy beer belly spilling out between the hem of his yellowed undershirt and the tattered waistband of his boxer shorts. There was a time when she might suggest they explore a flea market she saw advertised in the Penny Saver. Now she knows better than to talk for fear of interrupting a crucial segment of the morning news on television. Instead she silently plans to visit the flea market alone, to shop for some new second-hand toys for when the grand kids come to visit.

During a commercial break for Cialis, the woman's husband reiterates to his masculine ego how had his wife not gained 75 pounds, replete with sagging breasts and cellulite dimpled ass, he is confident he could once again maintain the magnificent, stiff erection of his youth. When his wife mentions she plans to go shopping, he makes a mental note to use his time alone in the house to visit his favorite Internet porn sites. Holy crap! This is it for the duration... and two of the Beatles are fucking dead!

Going on 40 years after my college days, after a combined 50+ years of marriage and having varying numbers of children in our home(s) for 30 years, GoddessV and I are about to become empty nesters. And so, like the couple described above, will sharing a breakfast table be about the only thing we have in common? To be sure, life without kids in the house will surely be different. Yes, there are a few things to be sad about as any parent with grown kids knows. But over all, there are plenty of great reasons to celebrate. One of those reasons just happens to be the impact having no kids in the home will have on our femdom relationship. Even as I think about it, it's difficult to fully imagine.

Happy New Year!

Tonight we'll ring in 2010 with a blue moon, the second full moon this month. The New Year’s Eve blue moon will be visible in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America and Africa. A New Year’s Eve blue moon occurs only once every 19 years and won't come again until 2028. Of course the blue moon won’t actually be blue. I didn't bother to take the time to surf the Net to find out why it's called a blue moon, but it has nothing to do with its color and everything to do with something that is rare, special or uncommon.

Femdom marriages are still pretty rare and uncommon. Or so it seems. But they are indeed special. Based on emails I periodically receive, as well as posts on a forum to which I belong, the rarity isn't due to a dearth of wannabe submissive men out there. As the decade winds down, many of them are mustering the courage to suggest this lifestyle to the women they love. Others have but alas have been "shot down". I really don't quite get this, because if two people love each other, what the heck is so wrong with at least trying something your partner suggests? How does one know it won't work or be so horrible without trying? Still other men are actively looking for a dominant woman with whom they might establish the femdom or FLR lifestyle.

GoddessV and I will soon be going out to our favorite restaurant/bar to have some fun with whatever friends who happen to be there. But we'll be back home well before the ball completes its journey over Times Square. One of GoddessV's surprising characteristics is that she doesn't much care if people discover the truth about our lifestyle, yet the thought of being on the road with late-night drunk drivers freaks her out. Image that.

Nonetheless there will be time enough this evening for us to drink a toast to male submission to female authority. We hope that many around the world join us in our toast so that 2010 is a year in which it becomes less a blue moon rarity. GoddessV and I wish each and every reader of our blog a very happy and healthy new year!

Study indicates submissive sexual behavior in women reduces their arousal

Less than satisfactory sex may be brought on by thoughts of submission, which can lower arousal, says a study from the University of Michigan. The study, as published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggests that women, but not men, automatically associate sex with submission. Apparently submissive men were not accounted for, because it further indicates that this connection reduces the quality of the sexual experience.

The research findings show that women implicitly associate sex with submission, which leads to them feeling as though they assume a submissive sexual role. This in turn leads to impaired or lack of arousal due to reduction in their sense of sexual autonomy. Researchers postulate that our current social norms promote deference to men and that magazines, television and movies "commonly display male sexual dominance over women as well as female sexual submission to men.” Duh… do yuh think? Oh, and don't forget the teachings of many religions adding to the mainstream media message.

That women may have unconsciously picked up the message that they should be sexually submissive raises the possibility that women have internalized this societal pressure. Says researcher, Amy Kiefer, "The more women reported engaging in submissive behaviors, the less arousal they reported experiencing from a range of sexual activities.” She further hypothesized, “The problem with submissive behavior seems to be that women don't experience these submissive behaviors as authentic or native expressions of their selves. Submission to their partners’ desires appears to undermine their ability to assert themselves within the sexual context.”

Hmmm, do yuh think it just might undermine their behavior in other ways as well? Furthermore, if the study suggests that women are not natively submissive, does this support the notion that women are inherently dominant?

Embracing change

Many of us aren't especially enamored with change. It pushes us out of our comfort zones: the familiar and predictable, the tried and true, that which is easier to deal with, because we have history there and know what to expect. Some would say that we fear change, but I think it's not so much change itself that we fear. It's the uncertainty of what change may or may not bring into our lives. That amounts to fear of the unknown.

When change is subtle or slow to take effect it seems to cause much less stress on our nervous systems. You squint more and more to read the type on your computer screen until one day, holy crap, you realize you need reading glasses! Well, you kinda knew that was coming, it just took you a while to admit it. So you pick up a pair of readers at the pharmacy and life goes on (with you seeing a lot more clearly). But when change is drastic or abrupt--you wake up one morning and suddenly can't see worth a damn--well that's a horse of a different color. You'd be more likely to try to fix what you perceive to be "a problem", or ignore it in hopes it will clear itself up in time.

When I was in my mid 40s it was a particularly tumultuous time for me. Things were changing in my life that made me feel sad, scared, yet hopeful--all at the same time!
That's when a wise man, a sort of life coach/self-help guru spoke to me. He said the thing about change is, you cannot stop it from happening. Things, places, people, ideas: they all change. Anyone in their 50s knows how we begin to feel aches and pains we never had when we were younger. The man said change is the ONE constant in life that you can always count on. So instead of fearing it, embrace it, go with it, explore it to discover how change can work for you instead of against you. Those aches and pains signal maturity, and maturity brings increased wisdom and insight into issues that either baffled us in youth, or we were oblivious to altogether.

Converting from vanilla to wife-led marriage easily qualifies as a drastic change. Typically the husband secretly harbors his submissive desires, sometimes for many years, and after finally mustering his courage, surprises her with his confession. Duh. Do you think this may be why women initially reject the notion? Especially when you consider how men can be so convincing at maintaining their traditional masculine identity, that the wives hadn't a clue their husbands want to submit to their female authority. Of course one could argue that in many marriages the wife is already in charge, but chooses not to assert her authority overtly. In this regard, "changing" to a wife-led marriage might not represent that much change after all. But we'll save that discussion for another day.

I've gotta confess that had I gone to sleep as your average, vanilla kind of guy then wakened the next morning to find myself in a formal submissive role beneath a dominant woman, I'm not sure what my reaction would have been. You may recall that I am not one of those fellows who knew from the get-go his true calling was to be submissive to a woman. But I'll also admit to experiencing an epiphany, one in which I realized that the notion of femdom, despite causing more than a little trepidation, held more than a little appeal, much more appeal than felt comfortable. I needed to circle around that for a while, consider the pros and cons, explore how such a drastic change might work: for me, for my the women I love, and our for my relationship. You can bet I didn't to end up as someone who regretted what he had wished for.

I had an advantage that most closet submissive husbands share: I could run through all of the ramifications in the safe harbor of my mind, BEFORE I suggested a female-led relationship to GoddessV. Unfortunately, wives don't typically have this luxury. They aren't afforded the opportunity to examine this change in the dynamics of her marriage while remaining in the secrecy and privacy of their own minds. Hubby's femdom suggestion comes winging in from left field unexpectedly. Suddenly the wife is thrust into the harsh light of impending and drastic change. It's no wonder many react by resisting or ignoring hubby's crazy notions it in hopes they will go away. It's also no wonder why many wives caution their husbands that there will be no turning back if they do decided to give the wife-led dynamic a shot.

From whichever perspective one views it, change poses challenges to us all. Nonetheless, since it happens whether we want it or not, we might as well make it work for us if we can. When it comes to a change from traditional vanilla to loving female authority, you never know, it just might save/revitalize your marriage or relationship. It did mine.

Enough is enough?

Too many women have a "problem" with the shape their body is in. Too fat. Boobs too small. Boobs too large. Ass too wide. Belly too paunchy. Arms too flabby. Chin too saggy. The corollary is that men are pretty much responsible for the self-image that many women maintain. One has only to view your average porn video, 95% of which are created by men, to see the proof.

And women's fashion. What I want to know is, who is responsible for creating the clown outfits such as the ones pictured here that were recently presented at a Victoria's Secret fashion show. I would be shocked to learn that a woman had designed them. If so, what the hell were you thinking? Sure, the models are young gals. News flash: young girls grow up to be anorexic, and very unhappy women.

When the hell is someone going to say, "Enough is enough!" I realize that as a society, we are grossly overweight, but give me a break. The majority of women, even healthy, active ones, outgrow size zero sometime in elementary school I would imagine. what is so inherently wrong with being a size 14, 16 or, God forbid, an 18 or beyond. Goddess V says she was born a size 12 and grew from there. Happily, GoddessV's self-image is positive enough that she doesn't care about wearing "womens" sizes.

Sadly, many women are not as fortunate as my wife and as a result perpetually aspire to be less than what they are. Here's another news flash: lots... and LOTS of men actually prefer voluptuous, zoftig women over the more boobless, assless toothpick variety.

Here in femdom land, the Number One perplexing issue has always been: why doesn't every women embrace the notion of being in a wife-led marriage where hubby submits to her loving female authority? Why do so many women go screaming into the night when their husbands suggest this lifestyle? Why do women not embrace it, spread the word and unite to make this lifestyle the norm?

Here's preplexing issue Number Two: why do women continue to allow "society" (I'll say society but we know it's mostly men) to dictate the shape women's bodies should take, and to design the clothing they think women should wear? Why do women not say, "You can kiss what you may think is my fat ass if you expect I'm gonna wear a stupid looking clown outfit that you think is flattering and sheik."

Okay, maybe this makes sense after all

There have been several celebrity women over the years who for one reason or another, captivated me the moment I first saw them. There was Jane Seymour as Solitaire opposite James Bond; Meg Ryan in her supporting role in Top Gun; Jane Fonda as hooker, Bree Daniels, in Klute; perspiring, husky-voiced Kathleen Turner in Body Heat. Meredith Baxter in the short-lived TV sitcom, Bridget Loves Bernie, is another. I'd be less than truthful if I said I hadn't fantasized about her more than once in my younger years.

Today, at the age of 62, after being married three times and having given birth to five children, Meredith announced on NBC’s Today television program that she is a lesbian. Wow. How is it that a woman in her mid fifties can suddenly discover she is gay? According to Meredith in her interview with Matt Lauer, her’s has not been a case of life-long denial trying to be something she is not. Rather, it was only seven years ago that she discovered the truth about her sexuality. Her reaction was, “Okay [deep breath], maybe certain things in my life make sense after all. It wasn’t just that I was a bad picker of husbands.”

Despite never seeing that one coming, I’ve gotta say that I still think Meredith is all that—and a bag of chips. In some respects her admission, or discovery, or whatever one wishes to call it, can be an inspiration for some of we men who live (or want to live) a wife-led, femdom lifestyle. I myself cruised all the way to age 50 before discovering the truth about my sexuality. There’d been no legacy of surpressed feelings, or unfilled desire to be dominated by a woman. I'd been merrily plugging along, content in the notion that a male's rightful position is on top.

Yet once I met the right woman, perhaps similar to how it happened when Meredith met her partner, Nancy, the truth surfaced. Suddenly there was male chastity, and spankings, and strap-ons, and panties, and all manner of oh-my-God femdom trappings. It was as Meredith said: certain things in my past began to make sense. There was an undeniable rightness to it and I thought, “Okay, [deep breath] this must be why I’ve always experienced a nagging feeling that something was missing in my marriage.” Watching the video of Meredith’s TV interview, I couldn't help but feel admiration for her desire to get it out in the open. I remember the relief I felt once I had been up front with Goddess V about what was happening in my head.

I felt a certain kinship as well, partly because I have a daughter who came out as a lesbian about two years ago. So maybe I am more accepting of homosexuality than others. Maybe it's in my genes to be more accepting of various less-than-vanilla lifestyles. I love my little girl and as long as she is happy, that’s what matters most to me. After all, in the end, isn't that what matters most? I can identify with Baxter on a sexuality level, at least to a certain degree. No, it's not a direct parallel, but I can appreciate how it feels to experience having an unexpected inner truth surface to turn your sexuality on its ear. And I can relate to how she may have initially struggled with her revelation. Do I push it away or do I go with it, test it, see if it’s real?

For me, it became clear, early on that it was neither dalliance nor fantasy. My need for loving female authority was quite real. Thank the stars, Goddess V embraced what to her was also a new role. If anything, my desire to submit to her loving authority, domination and discipline grows with time. As it appears to be for Meredith Baxter’s lesbianism, the discovery of my submissive nature is one of the best and most fulfilling things that’s ever happened. Like her, I am so very thankful I took that initial deep breath and said “okay.”

Giving thanks

Not that we will all fall to our knees in thanks, but the Thanksgiving holiday in America is a time for most of us to pause from our daily routines to reasses what we have in our lives to be thankful for. I, for one, have much to be thankful for. I am reasonably healthy and so are those whom I love and care about. I have a good job, a comfortable place to call home and a nice car that gets me where I need to go. I don't have all that I want, but I do have all that I need. For this I am thankful.

Most of all, I am thankful for the love of Goddess V, my amazing, sexy wife who means the world to me. She is far and away the best friend I have ever had. So many men who aspire to have a similar wife-led marriage have told me what a fortunate man I am to have such a relationship. I do believe it. I do believe it's true. THANK YOU!

A post from a reader

A gentleman by the name of Ken posted this comment on the Wordpress version of this blog. He posted this in response to Goddess V's "Empowerment" post, dated August of 2007. (At one time I had planned to move this blog to Wordpress, hence the duplication, but then I decided to stay with blogger simply because it seemed easier to use. I no longer update Wordpress and ended with a message pointing readers to this URL.)

I don't necessarily agree with everything Ken says in his post, but as a man who obviously appreciates the wisdom of wife-led marriage and loving female authority, I though his well-articulated message deserved to be reproduced here. I found it interesting that many Christians interpret Biblical teachings as calling for men to rule the household. Yet Ken, also a Christian, finds just the opposite.

When I was a teenager I accidentally came upon a book called “The Natural Superiority of Women” in our local library. At the time, I didn’t believe it could possibly be true, but I thought it a little strange that there was no such book teaching MALE superiority! I decided it must be because most everyone already knows that MEN are superior! However, as a 69 year old married man I have over the years become convinced that Women are, indeed, superior to men.
Here is why:

1) Women are more independent.
This first evidence I’m giving of female superiority I think is a powerful one. It has been my observation that men seem to NEED Women more than Women need men. And consequently if a man loses his wife (or romantic interest) he is much more inclined to be depressed for more lengthy periods than a Woman would be. In such situations men are even more apt to go berserk, killing themselves and others. And when living without the opposite sex, men have a greater tendency to become mentally and/or emotionally unbalanced, self-centered and/or overly aggressive. Truly, “It is not good for a man to be alone.” And it seems to be worse for a man than a Woman.

2) Women have the greatest role in life.
They are the life givers. And the act of bringing another human being into the world is, arguably, the greatest accomplishment of all human endeavors, far surpassing the work of scientists, inventors, political leaders, and even prophets and Bible teachers. For nearly all of their work will ultimately be destroyed, but the labor of women in giving birth has eternal consequences. Women even have the most prominent part in nurturing and training these newborns. On the other hand, man’s role in reproduction is extremely small in comparison to Woman’s. And it is man–not Woman–who is almost solely responsible for the destruction of life.

3) Women tend to be more dominant.
One sees this not only in ancient biblical characters such as Adam, Samson and Solomon, but even to this day: “”Psychological tests reveal that more than half of the wives tested are more dominant that their husbands. It is not uncommon to discover in such tests that a wife will score in the eighties or nineties on dominance, while the husband’s score may be in the twenties or thirties” (from “The art of Understanding Your Mate,” by Cecil Osborne). As the Christian authoress, P. B. Wilson wrote, “So it is–with few exceptions–that women want to control and men want to relax.”

4) Women have superior qualities.
Which sex is the most loving, nurturing and gentle? We all know it’s the female sex, Woman. Her greatest quality is her superior love, love that is often unconditional–and the greatest quality of our Creator as well (I John 4:8,16). We also know that it is primarily the males who fill up society’s jails and prisons. In other words, a Woman, generally speaking, is a more godly creature.

5) The order of Creation proves a Woman to be superior.
If you read the biblical account in Genesis, then you see a steady progression, how God created first all manner of sea life and flying creatures. The next day He created all manner of beasts and insects. And the following day He created the first man…THEN God created Woman, His last and greatest creation.

6) The biblical chain of authority proves Women are superior.
For the best translation of I Corinthians 11:10 reads that a Woman “ought to have authority OVER her head,” meaning over her husband. And with this authority She, not her husband, is to “rule the household” (I Timothy 5:14, original Greek). In the original Greek, a man is never delegated to rule the home, only to take the lead in teaching the Word of God. And as if to emphasize a Woman’s authority in the home, God has repeatedly indicated in the Scriptures that wives are to discipline their husbands!

……………….

So as a Christian man, I obey my wife because she is superior to me and because God commands me to submit to her. Furthermore, I obey her because I know from experience that I cannot be truly happy or fulfilled without being in total submission.

On veterans male and female

Today we remember the many millions of veterans of our Armed Forces, both male and female, especially those who gave their lives as a result of their service in both peacetime and wartime. THANK YOU!

It's interesting in the above illustration that only one woman is shown, when actually, many, many women have served in the United States Armed Forces. During wartime, particularly WWII, women were often shown in illustrations used in poster promotions. Many such posters urged women to "hold down the fort" so to speak, or to take over jobs vacated by men who were overseas fighting, or to conserve food and other supplies so that more could be allocated for our troops. Considering the times, some treated women with a reasonable degree of respect.



Some however border on being downright demeaning. Consider this poster for example.



This one pretty much says, "Wow, the wings you riveted onto those airplanes you help build didn't fall of in combat after all." I especially like what I'm sure is an unintentional look on the woman's face that seems to respond, "Amazing isn't it. Now how about you choke on that sandwich then go shit in your hat."

And then there is this WWII poster aimed I assume mostly at our solders, sailors and flyboys when on R & R.



Picking up females for sex was thought of as taking chances with a loaded gun? Righto: VD is not victory, that's for sure. Damn those treacherous and unclean women for luring unsuspecting, war-worn soldiers into sticking their willies into infected but oh-so-inviting coochies.



This WWII magazine ad shows the miracle drug saving lives on the battle field, which it most certainly did. But one wonders how many GI's were also dosed after reporting for period short-arm inspections. And thanks to penicillin he'll come home with a penis that won't give you syph or the clap. (Geez, in the face of today's threat of HIV, a case of VD seems almost welcome does it not?)

L'Origine du monde

Origin of the World, painted by French artist Gustave Courbet in 1866, is one of my favorite paintings. Reproductions of this work, as well as many of Courbet's less explicit nudes, along with portraits, landscapes and still lifes are readily available. I've seen many of them on display in framing shops and art shops, but never a print of this particular painting, undoubtedly due to the erotic realism of this work. I can imagine were the framing shop in our local mall to display this in their store front, mall management, and likely the local authorities, would regard that as a definite problem.

I have to admit I would probably be uncomfortable hanging this painting in my living room. Assuming Grandgoddess V would allow it, which she assuredly would NOT, I can envision our grandsons pointing and giggling at the painting every time they visit. Nope, that wouldn't work. Isn't it interesting that Courbet's depiction of the origin of all woman/mankind is largely regarded as being unfit to openly display, despite being fine art. But not in France of course, where they tend to be more laissez faire about such matters. The original 18" x 22" oil on canvas painting currently resides in Musée de Orsay in Paris.

What say you: Fine art or pornography?

Change: a new look

Many of us are not big fans of change. It means getting comfortable with, or at least accepting something new in our lives. And whether it's for better or worse is usually a matter of perspective. But the thing about change is it's the one constant in life that you can always depend on. There will always be change.

This is the third year for this blog. Most of that time I've used the same format. Since I began posting again, I've been thinking about changing the look. No good reason I guess, just boredom. I was tired of looking at.

So here it is. I'm still making a few changes to the template code, but since I'm not a whiz at html, it's slow going.

Want some boobs... I mean fries with that?

I was reading something the other day that amazed the hell out of me. It was an article that mention how Ray Kroc, the man who ran McDonald’s from 1954 until the early 1980s, had established a policy that prohibited women from being McDonald’s employees. That policy remained in force until finally being rescinded in 1968, but only on the condition that the women hired should be, in Ray's words, “kind of flat-chested.”

The inference there I suppose is that big boobs would distract patrons at the restaurants. After all, the fries and burgers were supposed to be the main attractions, not a busty clerk across the counter. I guess in that respect one has to admire Kroc's single-minded determination. Maybe I lack the unwavering determination needed to be super successful, but being a boob man myself, Kroc's thinking seems rather extreme.

Speaking of super, isn't it interesting how somewhere along the line Mickey D's discovered the benefits of "super-sizing" their offerings. Burgers, fries, soft drinks. Boobs too maybe?

And isn't it interesting when you consider how a company like McDonald's could discriminate against women because they have breasts, then reluctantly hire them only if they have small ones. Flash forward a few decades to a company such as Hooters that gets sued over a policy that is completely opposite: the bigger the boobs the better.

I wonder, was the Hooters lawsuit filed on behalf of busty women who felt they were being treated as sex objects, or small-busted women who felt they were being discriminated against. What a world.

Time to make the donuts... and kick ass

The Internet is bursting with useless and often erroneous information. One link leads to another and another then another, and before you know it, there it is in front of you. You may not be all that interested, but nonetheless, for some reason, maybe simply because it’s there, you find yourself reading. I read some useless information today. I read it primarily because it struck a chord with something that happened to me about six years ago. Otherwise, it mostly qualifies for the useless information bucket, unless you happen to be considering investing money in Krispy Kreme.

This really is a post about wife-led marriage, female-led relationships and FemDom. Sometimes it takes me a while to get where I’m going, so yes, there is more to this post than donuts. :)

It was an article about why/how Krispy Kreme went from being a southern-based hugely popular chain of donut shops to a nationwide company full of more holes than the tens of thousands of donuts they sell each day. That equates to stock going from $49.00/share to less than a buck… and that equates to mighty piss poor executive management (IMHO). All of this despite having an affordable product that people are willing to wait in line for.

The article mentioned how during the company’s zenith in the late 1990s, a new KK franchise opened in Manhattan and people waited in long lines every time the hot donuts sign went in the window. I know the line thing to be true because when a KK store with a drive-thru opened near us, you would have thought they were passing out glazed, chocolate frosted and jelly filled five dollar bills. I think all the local Dunkin Donuts shops closed down and their owners went back to India for a few weeks. Local police were needed for several weeks to control traffic jams until the new-donuts-in-town curiosity wore off.

As for me? Uh-huh, I waited for nearly an hour in that line. I did it one time, and I might add that I bitched incessantly to my wife the entire time how idiotic we were for wasting the gasoline and the time. Sure I can put away donuts with the best of them, especially KK donuts cause they are small. But excuse me? All this hubbub just to buy a box of warm fucking donuts? It reminded me of the long lines in which I had waited back in the 1970s. I’d had no choice then, but this? This was a clear case of donut delirium.

BTW if you picked up on my wife reference in that last paragraph, you’ve picked up on the reason for this post. You see, at that time, I was feeling free to bitch about waiting over an hour for donuts. At that time, the woman beside me in the car was “just my wife.” I had not yet learned to elevate her to the rank of Goddess. Actually, we had not yet married. We were probably sitting in her convertible, the one with a purple “Worship Me as the Goddess I Am” bumper sticker.

If I have my chronology straight, it was about that time that Goddess V had just about enough of me and was planning to kick my ass to the curb. Get my drift, gents? If you read the first post on this blog (linked above), you know how I resented the inference behind that purple bumper sticker. That was a time when some people thought they could make a lot of money by investing in Krispy Kreme; and a time when a foolish 40-something year old man thought a woman had a helluva nerve expecting to be treated as a Goddess. My, how much there was for many of us to learn.

Speaking of "the good feeling"

I'm often surprised and amazed at how little some of us (men) really know about sex, especially when it comes to to the mechanics of ejaculation. Oh, we know what feels good, and we know we like it.. A LOT... but for many, that's about as far as it goes. I've read many posts in forums written by men who ask what I consider to be surprising questions or make comments based on what I know to be erroneous or misinterpreted information. So for the record, here are a few facts about the male's favorite toy:

1. An erection is NOT necessary to experience an orgasm or an ejaculation, either separately or in conjunction with one another. Really, I am here to assure you that this is true.

2. An orgasm can be experienced without having an ejaculation. Ask a man who has had his prostate removed due to cancer (the prostate is what produces the seminal fluid).

3. Prostate massage (the practice of milking that is often referred to among chastity aficionados) can produce a slow release of seminal fluid that will drain down and out of the penis. The release is slow and not to be confused with an ejaculation.


4. Prostate massage does not normally product an orgasm, however some men who use prostate stimulators such as the Aneros, say they can experience a "hands-off" orgasm with no direct stimulation of the penis. I'm thinking I need to get me one of these bad boys... just out of curiosity mind you... but I'm not sure it will meet Goddess V's stamp of approval if it means getting the good feeling too often.

5. Stimulation of the penis of some sort, though sometimes minimal, is normally necessary to produce an orgasm.

6. Mental "excitement" or stimulation is not an absolute necessity to product an orgasm.

7. A prolonged period of chastity is likely to produce a nocturnal emission, which is an event that cannot be consciously controlled by the male. A submissive man recently wrote that he is forbidden by his wife to have a wet dream even though she enforces extended periods of chastity. This seems a little unrealistic to me.

8. Neither physical nor mental stimulation is necessary to produce an erection: an erection can be produced chemically through the use of drugs. The oral drugs such as Viagra are not capable of producing an erection without sexual stimulation. Drugs such as alprostadil is injected directly into the penis, will cause an erection that can remain for several hours without any sexual stimulation whatsoever. Male porn stars who seem to be appear to go on, and on, and on have been known to use similar concoctions.

9. Prolonged physical and/or mental stimulation can cause the release of semen in preparation for discharge via ejaculation; if ejaculation does not follow (as in tease and denial) it can cause a painful condition of the groin or testicles commonly known as "blue balls." Some of this semen or seminal fluid is often later spontaneously released during urination.

10. There is no conclusive medical proof that insufficient draining of seminal fluid from the prostate is likely to cause prostate ill-health.

11. A vasectomy does NOT affect a man's ability to orgasm or ejaculate in any way. It simply eliminates sperm from traveling from the testicles where they are produced, through the Vas Deferens, to mix with seminal fluid before being ejaculated from the body. A vasectomy does not lower the sex drive, shrink the testicles, or cause man-boobs to grow (too much beer does that).

As for why some men are "shooters" when they ejaculate, and some are "dribblers" I have no idea. I do know that the state of arousal seems to affect ejaculatory force. I have also noticed that since I was catheterized while in the hospital, I no longer ejaculate with much force. But oh, "the good feeling" remains delightfully unaffected!

The quantity also seems to have been affected and I have read that this can be caused when some of the seminal fluid leaves the prostate and goes the wrong way in the urethra, traveling up into the bladder rather than down into the penis. Supposedly there is a mechanism, some sort of sphincter or other, that is intended to prevent this under normal circumstances, which makes sense. But it could be that for some, the introduction of a catheter tube can adversely affect this.

How long HAS it been?

There was a time when if you asked me how long it had been since I last had sex with my wife, I could tell you. Most guys could: maybe not down to the hours, but surely within days. If you asked how long it had been since I'd practiced good ole reliable self-service, I probably would have denied doing it altogether. In my mind however I could have zeroed in pretty close to the number of hours it had been.

The underlying inference here is on frequency. More is better. If you're dating, the more babes you screw, the better. If you're married, the fewer times wifey cops a headache plea and gives it up, the better, right? And whether or not a guy admits to regular masturbation, most men are never too much further than 24 hours away from the good feeling—one way or another.

Female authority in a wife-led marriage puts a totally new spin on this hallmark of maledom. Oh yes, the good feeling is very much still the good feeling. Mother Nature saw to that one. But more is, well, not so necessarily better. In a world where men have traditionally felt good about themselves based on regularity of sex, submissive men are seeming to feel good about.... NOT having sex.

What is up with all these counting timers I am noticing lately on blogs written by submissive men? "It's been 3 weeks, 4 days, 22 hours and 43 minutes since my last orgasm." Okay, so the dominant woman in your life has made you go that long, but do we really need to know how long a time has elapsed since she last allowed you to ejaculate? I am wondering if, when you come right down to it (no pun intended), the longer a submissive man goes without sexual release, the better he feels about himself. Does this carry over into how he feels about himself as a man, or is it limited to how he sees himself as a submissive husband? Or, is it basically a function of wanting to please his dominant partner?

Speaking of feeling good about one's self... or not. I just walked a couple of miles for exercise, which made me feel real good about myself. But now I am pissing myself off by sitting her having a cup of coffee and eating double stuff Oreo cookies. Damnit.

It's been
24 hours and 18 minutes
since I last ate a double stuff Oreo cookie! LOL

Who says submissive men live in fear?

I read a post on another blog to which I take umbrage. Speaking of submissive men, himself included, the blogger wrote: "Our patriarchal societal construct is unforgiving to those men who dare challenge the masculine archetype and as such, we must constantly live in fear of being perceived as weak or dysfunctional when our own true desire is to support, encourage and empower women as the leading domestic relationship partners."

First off, I am indeed a submissive man to the extent that I enjoy being dominated by the woman I love and who loves me in return. For the most part, I think women are better suited to lead a marriage. At least in our case, this is true. Goddess V has proved it to me on many occasion. Toward that end, I encourage her and have empowered her to make all decisions in our marriage if she so chooses. I often am given the opportunity to voice my opinion, but in the end, I am content to abide by whatever decision she makes.

Having said that, let me make it abundantly clear that I am not deliberately challenging the masculine archetype of a patriarchal society, nor have I adopted a belief that women unilaterally are superior to men simply due to their gender. I have simply learned to act in a manner within my marriage that feels right and that works for us. More importantly, I do not constantly live in fear of being perceived as weak or dysfunctional, by either my wife or by anyone else.

We do not go out of our way to flaunt our FLR or FemDom lifestyle, or crusade for it in any way. Most of our friends and relatives might not know that I submit to Goddess V in a D/s context, but they would surely describe me as being more attentive a husband than most, one who "defers" to his wife with regularity. I might also add that with a few friends, Goddess V has outed me to a point on the scale that is much further on the submission side than it is deference side.

And I experience no fear. None.

This is because I know that as a person or a man, I am neither weak nor dysfunctional. I hate to think that other submissive men out there might feel this way. Whether you are still a submissive wannabe or whether you have confessed your desires to your wife or partner, DO NOT allow yourself... or anyone else... to make you feel weak, inadequate or dysfunctional-IN ANY WAY. We men who have come to terms with our submissive nature understand that, in fact, we are better husbands or partners than most of those masculine archetypes.

Any thoughts from other submissive men? Of course comments by dominant women are always welcome.