A slave to the dollar


Going forward, if this blog is to be of better use to readers, I think it would be beneficial to place less emphasis on the theory of Loving Female Authority, and more emphasis on personal, real-world application of the lifestyle. Namely, that of yours truly. There is no shortage of sources outlining the ABCs of LFA, and while this is helpful from a purely informational standpoint, a pitfall is that one may be led into thinking, “This is how a real FLR should be. I should be doing all the housework,” or, “She should be handling all the finances.” This is where a look at how Goddess V and I work together in our marriage may hopefully create some balance. Its not meant to be a recipe for the perfect FemDom marriage, but merely a glimpse at how we interact as domme and submissive, and a few snapshots illustrating some of what we’ve learned thus far in our D/s relationship.

Across cyber space in the Venus on Top group, one of the male members counseled a fellow submissive that he should unequivocally relinquish all personal wealth as well as responsibility for finances to his mistress. He was probably parroting something he’d read on one FemDom site or another, that only then could a man know the peace of a “true” FLR. In response to this advice, QueenBee Debbie, a female moderator of this group, angrily aimed her stinger at this notion. I recall thinking to myself when I first read the man’s post, that some men seem to have an amazingly myopic view of what should comprise “proper behavior” of a submissive male. It did my heart good to read that a dominant woman agreed.

We’ve all read about the submissive male who either does not work or has direct deposit into an account to which he has no access. Furthermore, all possessions, house, cars, investments, even the toaster and lawnmower are in his lady’s name. He gets only a meager allowance that she determines. Being a total financial slave may be a noble notion, even romantic to some submissive men. But in reality, its downright impractical if not imbecilic. I won’t bother with running down the many, many reasons for this. If you can’t pull at least a half a dozen from your gray matter on your own, then you’re not likely to be convinced of this anyway. I suspect I’ll incur the wrath of a few “true” male subs when I say that I’d guess there are about as many real-world submissive men who actually practice total financial servitude as who eat dinner from a dog dish and sleep in a cage at the foot of the bed.

Having said all that, now I’ll tell you that Goddess V controls most of the money in our relationship. LOL. We both work fulltime. I would have no problem staying at home to keep house, but I earn more than twice what she earns. My pay is deposited directly into joint checking and savings accounts from which Goddess V pays all the bills electronically and sets aside what she can for our future (which she will tell you is getting harder and harder these days with the escalating cost of living). I get a weekly allowance that often allows me to stash away ten or twenty bucks for a rainy day. That rainy day typically comes round nearly every few weeks when for one of a thousand reasons, money for the week is tighter than usual. We operate on a cash basis as much as possible, but we both carry plastic. I may not use my credit cards or my debit card unless I check with Goddess V.

We eat out more than we should and when we do, Goddess V nearly always pays the check. (She often orders for me as well.) In fact, when we do anything that costs money, she normally pays. We usually discuss large purchases, but I must tell you that she arranged the last two large buys which were both automobiles. One of them is in my name, the other is in both names because it meant getting a better interest rate versus putting it in just hers. Goddess V arranged the refi on our home last year, and added my name to the deed in the process. She also made all of the vacation arrangements and took care of associated expenses, but after I researched and recommended the resort. When it comes to home decorating and remodeling, I pretty much have carte blanche, provided I listen to her ideas first, then put my creative spin on her vision.

Regardless of our respective dominant and submissive roles, it’s a toss up as to which of us is best suited to handle the finances in our marriage. Both of us are reasonably intelligent and have a healthy respect for what a dollar can and cannot buy. But neither of us is overly smart with money either. Were that true, we wouldn’t still be working at this stage of our lives. Money is nearly always an issue in one way or another. As with many marriages, vanilla or otherwise, if we are going to argue about something, it will typically be about… you guessed it. I get more cranked up over it than she. Though dominant and submissive, we are no different than the majority of working people: there never seems to be quite enough money by one standard, yet always just enough by another. Maddening how that works. It’s almost as if it were planned, is it not?

Coming... and going


Well, maybe not completely just yet, but we're coming back. You see, the thing is, Goddess V and I have a real-world relationship, meaning our marriage is subject to real world pressures. As is often said, "Shit happens." Since last Spring, we've had our share of crap happen to us: illness, job challenges, surgery, loss of loved ones and so forth. The end result is that we've been preoccupied and not much inclined to post to this blog.

The good news is that through it all Goddess V and I have hung together. Better, we're coming away from these experiences with changed attitudes about certain things and some new ways of thinking as well. We are sure this will serve us well by helping us make the most of our lives (both as individuals and as a couple) in the coming months and years.

While they are leaving
I'm sad to say the Female Led Forum is closing down by the end of this week. Goddess Aradia and Goddess Holly have decided enough is enough and are no longer willing to keep the group going. Moreover, they are unwilling to allow someone else to step in and take over. In the year or so that I belonged to the group, there were never more than about 150 members, but because members were required to post at least once each month, it was a fairly active group. It was a good place to seek advice or just compare notes with people who share a common interest in establishing and maintaining an FLR. There are a lot of crappy FemDom websites out there, but even though I had trouble identifying with some of the group members, this was one of the best for practical, no-nonsense information about female led relationships.

And VOT is coming
The ladies who run the Yahoo Venus on Top Forum are working on an improved VOT website to promote female led relationships (see like to current site at right). They say the revised site will be up and running soon and will be a non-threatening place where vanilla-oriented women can go to learn more about this lifestyle. Not only will this help fill the void left by the defunct forum mentioned above, the fact that the intention is to be "vanilla with a twist", it may prove to be a very valuable new source that will help advance the FLR cause.